Gee, Dad. I'd like to get in the hot tub too. But I can't 'cause I'm pretty sure my parents jizzed in it last night!
S7 E1Hot Water
[on answering machine] Hey, it's Lewis. I can never find the damn phone. [Principal Lewis starts frantically searching for the phone]
MMarguerite
[on the phone] Lewis, it's the hot tub. I did some research, man. It used to have a stripper pole in it. They banned it because some tubs, when they get struck by lightning, they come alive! The hot tub is alive, and it escaped from a mental institution, and did some rapes...
[who has been searching for the phone and found it in the freezer in the ice cream] What are you saying, Marguerite?
MMarguerite
[over phone still] I'm saying, the hot tub, is a murderer.
S7 E2Hurricane!
See what a good wife Jeff is, Francine?
My wine fridge! I had my cocaine in there!
(picking up a wig) : Thank God this one survived. I can still go to cowboy weddings.
Its hungry for flesh and knowledge!
The best thing you can do for your family is stand back and do nothing.
Francine, let's be honest, that's not going to happen.
GGirlfriend
Were going to have so many babys.
(Pushes her head slowly under water) No, no, no, no.
[sighs] What a day.
[off-screen] Tell me about it.
[Stan turns to see Cleveland and we pull back to reveal the Brown house next to the Smith house as Cleveland walks up to Stan]
I don't even know where the hell I am.
[pulls out a gun] Looter!
[also pulls out a gun] Self-defense!
[Two guns are heard cocking and we pan to see Peter Griffin aiming at Stan and Cleveland]
A black and a white talking as if it's normal!
[We pull back to reveal the Griffin house next to the Brown and Smith houses as Peter walks up to Stan and Cleveland]
Peter, what are you doing? You know me!
Everybody, shut up and let me think! Just let me think!
[Francine comes out the front door]
Stan, have you...
[Stan accidentally shoots at Francine, causing her to fall down and moan]
[laughs] Oh, man. Classic "American Dad".
S7 E3A Ward Show
SSuperintendent
It's come to my attention that you've been letting one of your students skip classes, miss tests and hang out in the teacher's lounge. I'm sorry, Brian. This is bad. I hate to say it, but...
You're fired!
Is that what you intended to say, superintendent?
SSuperintendent
That's what I super-intended to say.
Yay!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.