American Dad! quotes

527 total quotes

Pope (on a hamburger phone as he's watching the news footage of Stan beating up Roger): Are you seeing this shit?

Principal Lewis: [on answering machine] Hey, it's Lewis. I can never find the damn phone. [Principal Lewis starts frantically searching for the phone]
Marguerite: [on the phone] Lewis, it's the hot tub. I did some research, man. It used to have a stripper pole in it. They banned it because some tubs, when they get struck by lightning, they come alive! The hot tub is alive, and it escaped from a mental institution, and did some rapes...
Principal Lewis: [who has been searching for the phone and found it in the freezer in the ice cream] What are you saying, Marguerite?
Marguerite: [over phone still] I'm saying, the hot tub, is a murderer.

Principal Lewis: Kid's got shaky hands. His parents got a divorce because his mom got caught banging some black guy named THIS BIG MAMMA JAMMA RIGHT HERE!!

Principal Lewis: Sweets, you killed my master!

Quagmire: Giggity.

Roger: (picking up a wig) : Thank God this one survived. I can still go to cowboy weddings.

Roger: [high-pitched voice after breathing in a helium balloon] When I was a little girl, Grover Cleveland was president.
Season 8

Roger: Ah, you dumb son of a bitch! No, that's not Roland Chang. You're doing great!

Roger: Damn, I look good. Tilda Swinton good.

Roger: My wine fridge! I had my cocaine in there!

Roger: You really think I can change?
Steve: Bitch, what did I just say?

Stan Smith: [sighs] What a day.
Cleveland Brown: [off-screen] Tell me about it.
[Stan turns to see Cleveland and we pull back to reveal the Brown house next to the Smith house as Cleveland walks up to Stan]

Stan (as he's beating up Roger, who was chosen to play Jesus in the Christmas play): You don't deserve to be on that cross, you lazy, wine-loving bisexual!

Stan: See what a good wife Jeff is, Francine?

Stan: Stop! You can't marry this woman!
Principal Lewis: Wachoo talkin' bout, Stan?