If I had died in that crash today, who would remember me?
I would.
That's right. Nobody.
(Stan reunites with his kids and hugs them)
S3 E15Stanny Slickers II: The Legend of Ollie's Gold
Oh, and the piercings and vacuum are gone by tomorrow or this hole becomes your graves.
[digs up the gold] Me Chinese! Me make joke! Me find gold gold in your Coke!
S3 E16Spring Break Up
JJess
Stan, What are you doing here?
I came to be with you. Hi Tracy
TTracy
Ew.
Why is Tracy being such a bitch to me?
CSCarmen Selectra
While our producers sort this out I would like to make an announcement, Steve Smith, I flew my doctor in on my private jet and I had them removed! They're all real baby! So come and get it!
Yeah!
[stage collapses and crushes Carmen Selectra]
Noooooo!
FSFemale Spring Breaker
Oh my god! she's dead! Carmen is dead!
MSMale Spring Breaker
Oooh if only if she'd had some sort of cushioning on her chest, something not real, Fake if you will, to withstand the impact.
[explaining how he got tickets to Battlestar Galactica On Ice] How does anybody anything? Look, they're 20 bucks a pop. You want 'em or not? 'Cause if you don't want 'em, I got other people I can sell 'em to. Bruce Willis wants 'em. That girl who played Tank Girl. What's her name? Yeah, she wants 'em.
Lori Petty is the man who played Tank Girl.
S3 E19Joint Custody
[as Jeff stalks on him in the shower] What the hell are you doing?
You shave your chest?
What, no! It's for work! Get out of my shower!
[Roger and Stan are stoned on marijuana smoke and wasting time at the local convenience store]
(holding a bag of snacks) There's a leopard on the Cheetos bag! (gets a closer look) WAIT... it's a cheetah! Chee-TAH... Chee-TOS... There's... so much beauty in the world...
Why do my wrists hurt?!
(turns to reveal a prone Roger) Because you're lying on them.
How can you hear what I'm thinking?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.