(to Stan) Are you still moping about Steve? Come on. He's just going through a phase. It's like Steve is America and you're Arrested Development. It doesn't mean you're bad, it just means he's not interested in you.
S1 E22With Friends Like Steve's
Steve, do you still want to go to the Franklin Mint this weekend? The new Clara Peller commemorative plates are in. "Where's the beef?" (Laughs) Good question. Where was that beef? Nobody knew.
Oh, my God! The Franklin Mint?! Yeah, I'd rather die.
Steve used to really look up to me, but now it's like he's not into me anymore.
Wow, that's really, really boring.
I'm serious, Roger. I'm opening up to you here. It's like my son's rejection is bringing up all kinds of feelings I don't understand.
Oh, okay. Uh... not sure what to say here.
Well, I'm off to petition my college for an Eskimo studies program.
What?! They don't have one? I'm sorry, Stan, I'd love to help you, but the Eskimos, their plight, that's the real stuff here.
You care about the Eskimos?
Yeah, yeah, I love their pies. Keep going. Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.
(to Barry) Hey, that's my dad's Tara Reid collector's plate. You can't touch that. You know how much that'll be worth in a few months when she's dead?
(about Barry) Careful, Steve! He's as mad as he is fat.
So, Barry, want to wind down by watching the best movie ever, Red Dawn?
I'm Barry!
Man, I'm getting hungry. Hey, let's go dig up your mother so she can make us breakfast!
Yes, Francine's first on my list. My list to kill! My name is Barry.
Stan, can we stop by church on the way to breakfast? Before I take my first sip of O.J., I like to take a big gulp of Jesus.
S1 E23Tears of a Clooney
[Foster children are working in Roger's vineyard]
That's right, foster children. Hard work builds character.
FCFoster Child
Water break, boss?
Oh, honey, don't call me "boss". That makes me feel like some kind of monster. Call me "Dad".
FCFoster Child
Water break, Dad?
No.
[Francine is preparing to kill George Clooney with an axe]
Well, I'd better run. George Clooney's head is about to have a big opening weekend.
Wait! I've gone along with you on this whole thing, no questions asked, but now I've gotta know. What the hell, Francine? What is this really about? I mean, I hate Susan Sarandon, but you don't see me cutting off my hand. I just cut my hair different for a while.
What is this about? Just look at that fucker with cucumbers on his eyes! Not a care in the world. No making school lunches, no grocery shopping, no cleaning the house, no one depending on him all the time!
Oh, God. This isn't about some unfulfilled dream. You're having a midlife crisis and you're taking it out on a future senator from California!
Midlife crisis? Wait. Future senator? Oh, I will fucking chop his head in two!
Francine, don't you see? Sure, Clooney has no cares, no one that depends on him, but... he has no one that depends on him. But you, you have a family: A son, a daughter...
...and a husband who took a sabbatical from work, moved to Prague, and hired mercenaries to help his wife seduce another man! You probably would have let me sleep with him.
Of course! I assumed you did!
[both laugh]
I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
[both turn to Clooney]
You know, I actually feel sorry for him. He'll never know this kind of happiness. Let's go home.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.