Snot quotes from American Dad!

Snot

I'm with Beezus on this one, guys. Ramona went into her room. No permission! The sign said "do not enter".

Steve

"Do not enter the kingdom of Heaven"! Beezus is a Christ figure! Her name rhymes with Jesus! [points at a page in his book] It's right there!

Steve

You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Snot?

Snot

We visit him in juvenile hall every month until he gets out and then we all move in together?

Steve

No! We take karate at his dojo.

Snot

Which we can use to get Martin out of juvie, brilliant!

Steve

No, Snot. I kinda just thought we'd do this new thing. Forget Martin.

Snot

[gasps dramatically] Did I like Martin more than you did?!

Snot

I got you dinner. You couldn't leave a ladder for me?

Steve

My mom would see it. It's too dangerous.

Snot

No, what's dangerous is crawling past Hayley's room with a plate full of chipped beef.

Steve

Wait, her room's on the other side of the hou--

Snot

[cuts off Steve] Let's not get bogged down in the details about who was masturbating where. You just have to end this war with your mom.

Steve

I tried, but she wants to keep fighting, so now I'm in it to win it.

Snot

Look at yourself. You've already lost, bud. You stink, and you're starving. And you're not wearing underwear.

Steve

How can you tell that?

Snot

We're best friends. I know your body. If you're not gonna make up with your mom, you've got to learn how to take care of yourself.

Snot

[serving detention while Lewis takes a bath] Um, is detention over? It's been an hour.

Principal Lewis

Fine, get back to class. But no more pointing out errors in the textbooks. You'll remember the Alambo and you'll like it.

Snot

We used the book, and it worked. But then all the power went straight to Steve's head.

Roger

When you're older, I'll show you where all the power goes straight to on me.

Steve

This is pretty high up. What if the egg shatters their windshield?

Snot

I thought you might say that. [He pulls out a cracked egg] Pre-cracked shells.

Steve

God, you know me.

Snot

Camper Steve was about to commit a panty raid.

By himself? That's kind of a bummer.

Steve

Snot, we're screwed. This guy's gonna put us back in diapers.

Snot

What do you mean, "back in"? Some of us never left.

Snot

Hanukkah's always been second fiddle to Christmas. We don't have any catchy songs or Santa. This is a tough time of the year for us.

Roger

[as Uncle Roger] Are there, or have there ever been, other tough times for Jewish people?

Snot

Yes.

Roger

Jingle bells, Santa smells, everything's so lame/Christmastime is such a grind. Hey, don't push me away. Hey!

Snot

Jingle bells, I'm unwell, watching others play/They have fun but I am bummed because Santa skips my place

Roger

Crashing through the mall, 'cause I'm driving while I'm baked/But I don't care at all

Snot

I was crying the whole way

Roger

Ha! Ha! Ha!/See that Christmas tree, all those kids in line/All we see is red and green and a few ugly hate crimes

Snot

Oh, jingle bells, hear me yell, Jewish gifts are dumb/What's in the box? Oh, it's just socks and not a paintball gun

Roger

Jingle bells, this is hell, Hanukkah's so lame/Compared to this, it's like a bris, just chop my dick away!

Snot

Just chop!

Roger

Just chop!

Just chop my dick away!

Snot

That's the Star of David.

Roger

David? Screw that guy! Wait, should I screw that guy? [to an elf] Put out some feelers to David, see if he's DTF.

Snot

Yeah. David is not DTF, because he's been dead for 4,000 years.

Roger

Done worse. [whispers] I fucked a chicken.

You ruined it! You ruined it when you sat on that fish's face!

Snot

What's happening, Steve? [sobbing]

Klaus

Yep, that's a wrap on Chesterbrook!

Barry

I feel like I’ve seen something like this done before.

Klaus

No, no, it’s all original. These are fresh ideas, obviously, Barry. Can you lean in a little? I want to match the image I have in my mind.

Snot

What a shutter slut.

[in Japanese] When did we all get jealous about this?