Hanukkah's always been second fiddle to Christmas. We don't have any catchy songs or Santa. This is a tough time of the year for us.
[as Uncle Roger] Are there, or have there ever been, other tough times for Jewish people?
Yes.
Jingle bells, Santa smells, everything's so lame/Christmastime is such a grind. Hey, don't push me away. Hey!
Jingle bells, I'm unwell, watching others play/They have fun but I am bummed because Santa skips my place
Crashing through the mall, 'cause I'm driving while I'm baked/But I don't care at all
I was crying the whole way
Ha! Ha! Ha!/See that Christmas tree, all those kids in line/All we see is red and green and a few ugly hate crimes
Oh, jingle bells, hear me yell, Jewish gifts are dumb/What's in the box? Oh, it's just socks and not a paintball gun
Jingle bells, this is hell, Hanukkah's so lame/Compared to this, it's like a bris, just chop my dick away!
Just chop!
Just chop!
BBoth
Just chop my dick away!
So kids, if you want presents from Schmanta this year, don't put out milk and cookies, put out lox and bagels. And call your mother, she's very worried about you.
That's the Star of David.
David? Screw that guy! Wait, should I screw that guy? [to an elf] Put out some feelers to David, see if he's DTF.
Yeah. David is not DTF, because he's been dead for 4,000 years.
Done worse. [whispers] I fucked a chicken.
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