“The Kidney Stays in the Picture” quotes from American Dad!

Stan

I...might not be Hayley's father? You've cheated on me?

Francine

I'm sorry. It happened a few days before our wedding at my bachelorette party.

Stan

A few days before the wedding? While I was dealing with small details that ultimately made of the most beautiful day of my life? A box of flip-flops so the girls could dance.

Francine

I was freaking out that my life was changing. I was going from being this party girl to being someone's wife. And I got drunk and [sighs] It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Can you ever forgive me?

Stan

You... big... whore. I don't know why I'm holding you like this. It must be very confusing.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith, bad news. Your daughter's second kidney's only working at 20%.

Hayley

Oooh, my insides hurt. (brays like a donkey and passes out)

Roger

You know how they take kidneys out?

Steve

No.

Roger

[creepily] You'll walk into your room and there will be plastic sheets all over the floor. Before you can react, a man in a ski mask will tie you to a chair with an Indian braided belt he got on vacation in Santa Fe. He'll turn on some Huey Lewis, and then cut the damn thing out with a rusty keyhole saw. No antiseptic, no Novocaine, no nothing! Just the song "Hip to Be Square" drowning out your boyish screams.

Roger

Now no one has anything.