Stan Smith quotes from American Dad!

Stan

I always knew this day would come. Except I'd be hearing it from my son and not an alien in a sports bra.

Stan

Then maybe later I'll introduce her to... THE THICK-NESSSSSSS!!

Stan

...and the number one dog on my fictitious dog list is Brian Griffin.

Stan

Stop pretending I don't exist!

Stan

[simultaneously demomstrating with a rifle] Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it.

Stan

Would the guys at REI rather be camping right now?

Stan

First of all, don't pretend you're married. It implies equality.

Stan

He said meet his ass down here. So I met his ass down here!

Stan

Oh, you want me to confront Father Roy about what happened at camp. Thing is, I'm not sure it was entirely his fault. I may have deserved it. In fact, I may have instigated it. Actually, Francine, I seduced him. I don't know why I wanted him, but I wanted him. There was no actual penet...

Stan

This thing bright is fuck!

Stan

See what a good wife Jeff is, Francine?

Stan

Oh boner, not now.

Stan

You're soft. Like a detergent bear. Oh, and look. There's a little ear. [scratches his ear] Who likes a scratch? Who likes an ear scratch? Huh? [pets him again and gets out his cell phone] Just gonna snap a pic for Steve. It's for him, not for me. [Kisses yawns] Oh, my god. What a cute little yawn. What a cute little baby. [pets him once more]

Stan

You were right, Francine. It feels so good to love a dog again.

Stan

[after Francine tells him to go out and get help] Okay, I hear you. I really do. But I'm going to do that, because I have a better idea. [sees a javelin floating in the water] My old college javelin? Remember? [gets the javelin] I'll harpoon the bear, and the bear blood will distract the start, and we can escape!

Stan

[finding out the car's tires were replaced by cinder blocks] Oh; seriously, Mexico?!

Stan

...that guy.