TV show quotes
[fights a raccoon in bathroom] Take this, you dandruff! [squirts shampoo at raccoon, dunks into toilet] Ha hah!!
[deep voice] LSP.
Huh?
You don't belong here in the world of decent people. You belong in the woods with... [emerges up the toilet] garbage animals!!
NAAAAAOOOOOHHH!!!!
We told you, Orgalorg is real and horrifying.
But nobody would listen. You all just wanted to make out.
Uh, well, we're listening now.
After you had kids and they didn't want to listen to you, how did that make you feel?
Terrible.
Exactly. Anyway, so, make-outs.
Orgalorg!
Oh, Orgalorg. Orgalorg is an ancient cosmic entity... who ruled the solar system with his cruel and deadly whims. The breaker of worlds. He was seeking ever more power. He desired to intercept a catalyst comet and absorb its essence. Thereby did he offend the king of Mars, who decreed that Orgalorg should be cast down. And yes, he was cast down by the flaming sword of Grob Gob Glob Grod. Orgalorg was banished to an inhospitable planet, where he would forget everything. Yea, even forget his identity and from whence he came.
[clears throat] And the prophets say that the gravity of the planet did crush and compress Orgalorg into a more powerless and cuddlesome form. Ooh!
But now he's back, and whose fault is that? Make-outs.
Now, Princess Bubblegum—she says she hasn't gone rogue. She says she's not a wild dog thirsty for blood. She says she's not a liberal baby masquerading as an adult woman. She says a lot of things. Princess Bubblegum, you don't make sense!
The Candy People are mercurial, but they're not dillweeds.
[Bubblegum forces open the cabin door, the cabin breaks with a flock of bats flying out of the fridge]
Ho, no, no, no, no! It's okay, everyone. It's okay. Close your eyes and repeat your safety mantra. Hoodie hoodie hoodup, hoodie hoodie hoodup, hoodie—
Princess?
Huh? Oh... Sorry, Peps. I'm just so used to having my citizens around to protect. This is gonna take some getting used to.
Permission to speak freely, ma'am?
Granted.
This horrible dump does not meet the level of fancy to which I have become accustomed!
Noted. Also, FYI, my Uncle Gumbald built this cabin with his bare hands. I spent my summers here when I was younger. Anyway, it'll probably take a really long time for the Candy People to realize a bad ruler is worse than a good ruler. Plenty of time to spruce this place up.
[sees in Candy Kingdom in choas] Toronto, I've been princess for four hours, and society has already totally collapsed! Plus, now the sky is falling, I guess? Is this possibly... somehow my fault? [Toronto spits his apple]
No way! Okay, look. Without your calming presence and selfless leadership, this situation would have been a hundred times worse. History will remember you as Ooo's greatest hero.
As always, the voice of reason. Once again, my saintly nature has compelled me, unthinking, to assume the burdens of others. But a true justice demands a true accounting. And truly this is all Bubblegum's fa-aa-aa-ault! [he falls down as the ground rumbles] Oof! Good Glob! What no-o-o-o-o-w?
Man, are you still Gunther? 'Cause you seem like you're not.
I'm Orgalorg.
Well, what the heck are you doing, Orgalorg?
It was just time to come out again. Glob KO'ing himself, the arrival of the Catalyst Comet, and a ship to carry me out of this planet's gravity. [projects three colored door shapes out of his eyes into a singular door shape] These are doorways the universe presented to me.
Oh, I know about open-door philosophy!
What's that? You just say yes to stuff all the time?
Pretty much.
That seems alright.
It's all yours if you're willing to take it. Destroy worlds, [folds into himself] crush anyone blocking the door, [unfolds out] feel their bones crumple and their goo spill out.
I don't like that at all.
He made it ugly!
You can't stop me, I'm Orgalorg.
I'm pretty sure I can take you, bro.
Not after I absorb the power and knowledge of that comet.
Absorb a triple salchow to your kneecaps!
"Finn... do you remember?" [Finn groans and his "vault" in his head starts to open]
Yeah... I-I think so. A long time ago, I was you, sort of... and I crashed on Earth, and became a butterfly or some biz. And I guess it was just some random absurd thing—just a joke I've been playing out for centuries.
"Who's creating the joke? Are you? And if so, then are you my creator?"
Uh, maybe? I dunno... Probably not.
"Probably not, but who knows? I've been around forever and experienced so much impossible junk. I've embodied all that is good and evil. And now we're here. It's unprecedented. And I give you a choice. Come with me to the end and the beginning, [bell ringing is heard] or struggle here a while like a beautiful autumn leaf."
What's that bell sound? [a visible color spectrum seams on his head]
Cool, man...
"This is your crisis — as you stand on the edge of freedom from... love, hate, friendship, isolation, jealousy, secrets, violence, video games, ice cream waffles, sadness, madness, power, honor, loyalty, saucy, mothers, fathers, scoundrels."
How long are you gonna list stuff?
"It's a long list."
You're telling to abandon all this stuff, but you're not really making it sound bad.
"It's not bad. I'm just giving you the choice of a new mode of existence."
[beat] I feel like I put a lot of work into this meat reality. I like to see it through.
"Fair enough."
Hey! How about I get a new mode? [Finn's visible spectrum fades out]
Are you seriously trying to bail out again?!
What? This deal sounds pretty good!
[sighs] Dad...
Uh-oh... I know that look.
When you fled the scene like a ding-dong ditcher in the night...
Listen, Finn — no answer I give you will be satisfying. Besides, it was like... 40 years ago.
I'm 16!
I don't have a star to revolve around and track time.
But why do you always run from everything?!
You burn enough bridges, the only direction to move is forward.
[beat] Hm. Well, there ain't no changing you, I guess.
Well, I'm glad we finally understand each other. Start the engine, comet boy!
"Prepare to discorporate." [both Martin and the comet dissipate]
Goodbye, son...!
Bye, Dad. [beat] ..Should've asked for a lift home.
You two now comprise the royal guard of the one true princess of Ooo. [winks] That's me! As such, you may no longer own property or operate children, and must render all treasure and wives under your sworn princess within a hangman's fortnight.
Pfft! Joke's on you, man! We spent all our treasure the other day! Plus, we don't even have any wives.
Wait, what? What about Lady?
Lady's my girlfriend.
Wait, but... [thinks for a beat]
That was Tree Trunks.
Oh, yeah!
We the inhabitants of Ooo owe you heroes our very lives. As the once powerful and dignified Princess Bubblegum sulked off into exile, it fell upon you two to save us from the impending comet of doom and/or from the hideous Orgalorg, who aimed to eat the powerful comet and grow invincible! And for that, we are eternally grateful.
I know I am.
But now your bravery is essential to a new heroic task. [beat] Can you guess what it is?
Uhh...
C'mon, guess!
Umm... Fight a— fight a dragon?
Wrong! Follow me!
If the King of Ooo tries to come here again, you have my secret permission to stop him. No holds barred, Moosewood Stadium freestyle. So what're you two up to now?
Ehh, guardin' stuff, I guess.
Um... Hey, Bonnie? You always act like a loner, right? But next year your brother, you're the light of the party. Sorry, the light of the party.
I mean, yeah! One of the first things I did after making sure Neddy was safe was to start making the Candy People. I was formed in the mother-gum. My mind and my gum were in touch with dozens of others, like a crowded womb. I guess I missed that.
But Neddy's from the same place you're from, and he's a wet hotdog around everyone!
People get built different. We don't need to figure it out, we just need to respect it. Maybe he likes his company more than I like mine.
Well... do you miss the Candy People?
Knock knock. Yo, Peebs. You wanna make a midnight Squeez-E-Mart run? I'm gonna drink the red from out the customer's bloodshot eyes. [laughs] Psyche, I'll probably just get a Slushie. Bubblegum? [floats closely to the bed and touches her hair] Bonnibel?
[turns up] Wha?
Wahh!
Ahh!
[deadpan] Aaaahhh!
[vocalizes] Aaaaahhh...!
Ugh! What are you doing here?!
Be not afraid, my child, it is I, the one true princess of Ooo.
Wh-where's Bubblegum?! [King of Ooo jumps high as she slashes his pillow]
Ah-whoa, relax! Bubblegum is fine, just fine. [starts bouncing up and down] And deposed and powerless—so crushed by defeat was she, that the tyrant exiled herself to a sad cabin on the shores of Lake Butterscotch—technically still Candy Kingdom territory. But in my mercy, I've allowed her to remain.
You're the princess?! Since when?!
Well, by the reckoning of my new tyrantian calendar, Ooo's official calendar... uhh, two glorious months.
Two months? But... but then why didn't she te— Dugh! Bubblegum... [flies out of the opening further away]
Tell Bubblegum I wear her nightgown! Tell e-e-e-everyone!
Maybe we can find something useful around—ohh!! [sees writing on the wall reading "Marceline made me write this – Bonnibel Bubblegum"]
Your tag! We actually found it. Man, your handwriting hasn't changed at all. [laughs] Still as prissy and prim [turns back] as— wha..?
[Bubblegum starts breaking down in her tears]
Hey, h-hey, whoa, wait! I didn't mean... I like your handwriting, I think it's really pretty...
It's-it's not that... I lost my hat...
W...we can get you another hat.
I lost my hat, lost my home, lost my people... I can't even keep darn varmints out of my pumpkin patch.
Oh, Bonnie, you're...
I tried. I really, really tried. I just— I thought that if I shut everything out and just focused on work, it will all be okay. [debris starts crumbling down] And look what that landed me. All I managed to do was to push everyone away. I pushed you away. I'm sorry, Marceline. I've been a real dinger to you.
C'mon. Why are you even apologising for?
It's okay, baby. Starchy's here.
Oh, thank heavens. It was just another hallucination... [sees a soil-composed Root Beer Guy]
Honey, I'm barely upset that you're remarried.
But... how is this possible? You were zapped by Darren the Ancient Sleeper, your dome was cracked, your root beer soaked into the ground! I buried your remains in a mason jar which is now your head, and... an-and now I'm-I'm with Starchy. I'm mean, we're-we're legally married. You're legally dead. Not that I want to sound obsessed with legalities, but I am a lawyer.
Hey... where's that little statue I got you? It said "I wuv you" on the base of it? It was a little bear with his arms out like this? [sways a drawer across the room into a wall] He was all, "I wuv you, I wuv you, I wuv you." [topples and crashes couch over into the wall; its cracks seep up the roof and a light drops on Starchy]
No sudden moves, baby. He's got freaky-zombie strength.
[looks up] Maybe it's up here. Hup!
[he brings the entire fireplace down, along with its remaining bricks]
Did you hire a maid service or something while I was gone? I sure hope they didn't throw out the "I wuv you" bear.
Enough!! I should have put you in the ground a long time ago!
Hey. I came back for her. [stomps his foot, a series of typha seedpods pop out of the crack]
Root Beer Guy, if that is you in there, I'm so proud of you. But this isn't fair. You ended our life together when you pulled that lever. You made the choice, and you saved the Kingdom. But you lost me. [leaves him]
Heh, burn.
Cherry Cream Soda, I still wuv you—whoa! [trips over ottoman, crashes into wall; more seedpods pop out the crack. He turns back] You always wanted this wall knocked down anyways, right? [chuckles] Ooh...
Arrhh! Wahh!! You come back with no explanation, rack up the place and you expect to just pick up where we left off! Get out of my house!! [RBG crawls out of the wall and walks away]
I'm sorry.
[RBG leaves the house as Starchy watches him at the front door]
Starchy wins!
Hello. My name is Football.
Very nice to meet you, Football.
How'd you get the name Football, Football?
BMO gave it to me.
Is Beemo your little your little papa?
[Football starts laughing and hops her right leg to the side. Finn scratches his head]
Uhh... so... where do you live, Football?
The mirror.
Oh, yeah? What's it like there?
Cold. Empty. It's... lonely.
You know I care about you. I think you're making the right choice. Your natural lifespan is going to be richer and fuller than you can imagine. And someday, when you die, I'll be the one that puts you on the ground.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Adventure Time pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
