Jake the Dog quotes from Adventure Time

Jake

A love like theirs will always find a way. It'll crawl all up over you and drain your body fluids, poisoning you slowly until you pass out.

Jake

[shocked to see Finn turned into a lamb] Oh my chob! Finn's become one with the lamb!

Jake

I dreamt when I was in kindergarten, I guess. But I had really big feet. And was also the teacher.

Jake

Little Jack Horner

Jake

I am ready to receive instruction from the realm of creation above me for the sandwich I am about to conceive. I am open. Use me.

Jake

[confronts Grass Finn for trashing the Fort] You scared Beemo, you mock up my mom's records, and you waste my brea— [Grass Finn turns away from Jake, he comes in front of him] You waste my breakfast sy— [Grass Finn turns away again] Breakfast syrup! Hey! Look at me when I'm mad! [Grass Finn keeps turning away from Jake] Look at my eyes! They're mad! And they have to look in your— HEY!! THEY HAVE TO LOOK IN YOUR EYES!! Take my anger into your face! You're a fraud! You think you could fake Jake?! You can't fake Jake! Cake! Rake! [claps] Lake! Hamburger steak!

Jake

We don't need a boat! Have you forgotten? With a little imagination, [morphs himself as a sailing cruise ship] I can be anything that you could everrrr... [he morphs back to normal] Oh, I lost focus. Hey, yeah, can we borrow your boat?

Jake

The shapes are always changing. Changing is their normal state, like us. Even if we're not changing on the outside, we're changing on the inside constantly. There's some stuff about me that I'd been ignoring for a long time. I'm afraid of that stuff. But its part of who I am. As long as I know the shape of my soul, I'll be all right.

Jake

Finn, truth or dare?

Finn

Dare! Ha ha!

Jake

I dare you... to tell me the truth about what's goin' on in your mind. What were you and Bubblegum talkin' about when you were alone together?

Oooooohh!!

Finn

Um, uhh... The truth is... uhh... [visualizes Bubblegum behind Jake]

Bubblegum

"You promised you wouldn't frickin' tell ANYONE!! Aw, you're so cute, Finn."

Finn

Ahhh... The truth is... that I'd rather play dodge socks! [throws sock at Jake's face]

Jake

I'm not playing dodge socks until you stop dodging my questions! Hey... [sniffs sock] Old Mr. Cream Puff? Isn't he dead?

Finn

Uh, give me my sock back! Dodge socks was a bad idea!

Jake

Whoa! Look, dude, just tell me what's up, because you are crazier than a cannibal tonight.

Finn

[fully lumpy] Oh yah! Being lumpy is the best!

Jake

Hey! Stop talkin to yourself, dum guy. Take your bawl and get outta here.

Finn

Fine. I don't want you to havvit anyways.

Jake

So I can't havvit now, eh?

Finn

That's right, it's mine!

Jake

[beat] Gimme that bawl!!

Finn

No! You can't havvit!

Jake

Givvit t' me!

Finn

No!!

Jake

I wannit! Givvit t' me!

Finn

You wannit that bad!? Go get it, then!

Ice King

What?! Who dares enter the Ice Kingdom?!

Finn

Aw... Ice King's here...

Ice King

You know why I'm here?! Do you know what ICE KING means!?!

Jake

Yeah, I know what Ice King means. A big NERD.

Finn

Oh-ho-ho! Holy cow!

Ice King

It means I'm king of ice! This is my domain, and you're violating ice world law — trespassing!

Jake

Come on, brother, we're just tryin' to beat the heat.

Finn

Yeah, there's a big sleeping lava man in our front yard, and he is so hot...

Jake

[hits Finn's arm suggestively] Mmm-hmm.

Finn

No, no, wait, I take that back. I-I mean, not like sexy hot...

Jake

No — no, you do mean sexy hot.

Finn

No! I mean—

Ice King

I DON'T CARE!! This is my kingdom! You guys can't just scoot about on my land, willy-nilly, I've got rules here!

Finn

[sigh] Why don't you just try being cool?

Ice King

WHAT!?! I am the king! I am the king of- of c-cool— [rambling] THAT'S IT!!!

Ice King

Nice try, boy! Princesses, do you see? Did you see Finn fail?!

Jake

Don't worry, Finn. I'll get us out... with Key Hand! [morphs hand into key]

Ice King

Oh no, you won't! [zaps into the cage with everyone out of the way, onto Jake inside a block of ice]

Finn

JAKE!!

Ice King

Eat it.

Jake

I'm... I'm okay...

Finn

ICE KING!! YOU HAD BETTER EITHER SET US FREE, OR COME IN HERE AND FIGHT ME!! COS OTHERWISE.. I'M GONNA FLIP OUUT!!! [wailing at him through bars]

Ice King

Ooh, are you trying to hit me? Well, excuse me, because I have to go potty in the bathroom.

Finn

RRRR-ICE KING!!!!

Finn

Hey, crystal guardian! Are you okay with Tree Trunks takin' a bite of that apple?

Jake

I'm okay with it!

I'm okay with it!

Jake

And I'm stupid!

And I'm stupid!

Finn

Jake, I just realized that Tree Trunks is old and bonkers. We can't take her through that evil dark forest!

Jake

Ahh, she'll be fine, everything's fine.

Finn

But the monsters!

Jake

It's faine! It's faine!

Finn

Are you sure? Cos she has ZERO adventurer training.

Jake

Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, well it's fine! She'll be fine! Re-re-it's fine, it's fine, it's fine!

Finn

[laughs] Maybe it is fine.

Finn

[synthesized singing] Baby

Jake

Mm!

Finn

I know what you need

Jake

What's that?

Finn

You want your little baby socks

Jake

Whoo!

Finn

Baby

Jake

Yeah?

Finn

I know what you crave

Jake

Oh yeah, what's that?

Finn

You want to poop your pants all day long

Jake

Hey, how can you sing like that, dude?

Finn

Remember when I swallowed that little computer?

Jake

Oh yeah.