Marceline, if you're thinkin' about your dad so much, then... why don't you go see him?
He's not worth the effort.
Well... first, I'd have to draw a circle with a happy face in the center, and then, ahh... douse it with bug milk.
Oh, yeah? [throws bug milk at the happy face, absorbing its contents into the symbol and lights dual candles]
[sigh] And then, you're supposed to chant something like, "Maloso vobis com et cum spiritum!"
But... I-I don't really wanna see him. I'm still mad about the thing with the fries... Huh?
[the wall split in half a hellish fiery place beside Finn, seeing a shadow in the fire. The shadow then explodes bodily parts and forms a devilish figure in suit wear]
Finn, what the heck did you do?!
I... reunited you with your family?
MM!! [the figure seeps behind Finn]
FFigure
Is this kid your evil servant?
I'm not evil, Marceline's Dad! I'm super good!
MSMarceline's Dad
Super good? [he then grabs Finn and sucks his vital essence]
MSMarceline's Dad
"Stealing your SOUL!!"
[he continues sucking Finn, screaming until Marceline pushes him away from her dad]
Dad! Ugh... You always do stuff like this!
MSMarceline's Dad
[chuckles] Oh, Marceline. I never know what's gonna set you off. Waoh! [grabs her bass] Is this the family axe?
MSMarceline's Dad
Did you turn it into some kind of lute?
GIVE IT BACK!! AND GET OUT!!!
MSMarceline's Dad
'Kay. I'll go. I got business to attend to anyway, sucking up all the souls in Ooo...
MSMarceline's Dad
See you kids later. [clutches door, smacks into Finn]
[Finn watches the cackling demon businessman walk out the door in pure shock and horror]
I've unleashed evil onto Ooo! We've gotta stop him, Marceline!
Fine, but I'm only coming with you to get my bass back.
Hey, how do I kill this guy, anyway?
Finn, you can't kill my dad!
Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean—
No, you literally can't kill my dad! He's deathless.
FPFluffy Person
Huh? Who the fluff are you?
MSMarceline's Dad
Um... Well, I'm sure not the guy who's gonna suck out your soul.
FPFluffy Person
Good, cos that's like my number one fear!
MSMarceline's Dad
Really? Well, I know a little exercise for that. Wanna try it?
MSMarceline's Dad
First, close your eyes. [about to flat him with Marceline's ax bass]
FPFluffy Person
Okay—AHH!!!! YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!!!
MSMarceline's Dad
Ahh, but I didn't. And now, aren't you thrilled just to be alive?
FPFluffy Person
Yeah, I guess — so what?
MSMarceline's Dad
So... this next part will be all the more horrifying.
Dude... Let's kill the horse.
No, man! We're not killing the horse!
Okay, we won't kill the horse. We'll dress him up like a bunny! Haha! And get a giant hawk — CAWWWH — to kill him!!
Ehh... [...] Did I say that the hawk would kill him? I meant that the hawk would swoop down gently and take him away to a land of sunshine and love stuff, and take care of him.
Whoa. That sounds awesome.
Wait a minute, Jake. Can't you see what this horse is doing? [beat] It's tearing us apart.
Aw man, you're right. We have to get rid of this horse! For us!
Oh, Finn... this horse is bringing us together now. [sheds tear] This horse is a blessing.
WHAT?!! Dude, you've lost it!
YOUUUU — wait, wait.... [hugs Finn] The horse is tearing us apart again..!
You're right. It's about time I show this horse [shoves Jake] who's the man.
What are you going to do?
What are you going to do?!
Do. Doo-doo. I'm gonna kick that horse in the bottom!
PPrincess
Save me, Finn and Jake!
PPrincess
Save me, Finn and Jake...
[...]
PPrincess
Save me, Finn and Jake...
Why does she keep saying that?
I think she's traumatised, dude.
NKNice King
The main enemy to the Nice King right now is the disorganisation of his love life.
NKNice King
The UGLY ones are all mixed up with the other ones!! I need you to catalog 'em, or something...
Tuhuhuh... But we punch monsters.
NKNice King
After I choose my BRIDE, then you can go punch the monsters.
Managing admirers? We'll give it a try...
Begone, ghost! I'm here for the armor!
GGhost
First, you have to beat my high score in a game of drop ball.
FJFinn and Jake
Drop ball?
GGhost
Drop ball is an extremely addictive high-intensity game designed for people everywhere. Here, let me show ya.
[drops the ball under him, twists, bends down and picks it up with his butt]
GGhost
One point... two points... three points....
Choose Goose! I need more armor!
CGChoose Goose
I got something for you, a metal shoe! Don't you know might stub your toe? [all knights laugh]
K1Knight 1
Stub your toe..!
No, Choose Goose... I need—
CGChoose Goose
Look here hon, choose this one to protect your buns! [laughing harder]
K2Knight 2
PROTECT HIS BUTT!! PROTECT HIS BUTT!!!
No, Choose Goose... I want....
CGChoose Goose
Don't be meek! What if you fall down and scrape your cheek?
K3Knight 3
LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!! LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!!!
Jake, Jake! Check it out! This true story is going to totally cure you.
First, the leaf fell off a tree. Oh, but — wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
The snail was on the leaf! [long beat] ..The end. [Jake then starts to recoil]
Oh, no... Now I feel a thousand times worse! Finn, a story's got to have excitement, romance, [pulls his cheeks] suspe-e-e-e-ense... and it has to have a happy ending. [sniffles]
But... I don't know how to make that stuff happen.
That's okay, buddy. Just... dig me a hole, then. Actually, two holes — one for my guts and one for my face, 'cause when I die, my guts are gonna blow out of my face!!
I am not gonna let that happen, dude!
Then go get me that story. [hands him a piece of paper] And make sure it has all the stuff on this list.
I'll be back as fast as I can! [runs off] I won't let your guts blow out of your face!
FFox
[beat] Would you eat dirt?
I would for Jake! [munches mouthful, gulps and spitting everywhere] Okay, now you guys kiss!
BBoobafina
Man, what a freak.
WHAT!?! No! Jake needs this!! Stop!! [grabs them both] Rrrh! Just come on..!
[...]
BBoobafina
[spatting] Ah- can't- believe you made me do that..! I'm secretly in love with Mr. Goose... And now he'll never love me because now I'm soiled...!!
TBTeenage Bear
I've been waiting for this my whole life. [sneaks up on Finn]
MBMama Bear
[to Teenage Bear] Oh no, you don't! [slaps him in the face]
TBTeenage Bear
You never let me do anything!
[strikes Teenage Bear with his sword, and Teenage Bear falls to the ground]
MBMama Bear
[to Finn] You killed him!
TBTeenage Bear
[to Mama Bear] Mom, quit touching me!
SSnorlock
Talking to ladies is hard.
No, it's not! Check it out, Snorlock! Finn, you be the guy snail, and I'll be... [morphs into a female snail] the chick snail.
Come on, man, we're just pretending. Do it for love.
[Finn looks down at Snorlock whimpering and wheezing]
Okay... I'll do it for this guy. [Snorlock gasps] Ahem... What's up, lady snail?
[high-pitched voice] Well, I'm just sitting here thinking about mating with snails.
..NO!! I can't do this, man!! I am out!! [turns away from Jake]
SSnorlock
I'll mate with you!
We're just role playing, buddy.
Here, Finn. This time you be the chick and I'll be the snail dude.
[Jake morphs his chick snail physique to a more muscular build, flexing his huge pecks]
...Uh— [Jake grabs his hand] wha?!
Mm-mm! [sniffs Finn's hand] Mm-mmm! [deep voice] Girrrl, you smell gooood. Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?
[Finn looks terrified with his lips wiggling]
[morphs male to female snail back and forth] Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes!
See, Snorlock? Talking to ladies is easy. Just act like me.
