You really like chopping wood, huh?
I'm not chopping wood. I made a toothpick from the ancient elm! See?
Oh-hoh! He-heh— [the tree crashes through the window] Whoa!! [a scathed Marceline peeks out the tree]
What the dip, Marceline?!
Sorry, it was supposed to be a joke. Actually... I have something really serious to ask. I want you to do the procedure. The one we talked about?
I'm sorry, but I don't think you'd make a good blonde.
No, not that. I don't wanna be a vampire anymore.
You said you were working on a cure, right?
[sighs] Well, the machine is built and the serums are ready, but... are you sure you wanna do this?
I'm sure. Some bad things happened to me when I was little. When I became a vampire, I was just a messed-up kid. Now it's a thousand years later and I'm still messed up! [Peppermint Butler nods] I don't want to spend eternity like this... with this emptiness. I want to grow up.
You done it this time, Marceline! You sucked the life out of defenseless animals!
You think I'm buyin' that, Boom Boom Mountain?!
You want proof? Look! [punches the ceiling, debris falls on his head] Ouch! Proof how often I'm gonna go if you don't confess!
[scales down] I'm wailing out!! [Finn sits on Jake]
Listen, Marcy, I can barely control this guy. And the villagers are getting crazy! They want to run you over with a wagon, and I'm offering you a way out. [Peppermint Butler walks in]
Hey, dalewaids, I just swept the place.
Finn, be real for a second.
Look into my eyes, man! I didn't do it!
[Finn stares in her deep solemn eyes. He grows suspicious as she starts twitching]
To be honest, it looks like you're not sure if you did it.
Okay, I'm not sure! Something... weird happened last night. I had a weird dream about stuff.
Dream stuff always means somethin'!
We'll figure this out, Marcy, together. We promise.
That's cool, you guys, but clean this mess also, you bums.
Hello, Marcy. I don't know if you'll ever hear this message. I fear my thoughts are no longer my own. Just... watch over me until I can find my way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity! And then maybe Betty, my princess... maybe you will love me again. [gasps] Please love me again, Betty!! [crying hysterically] Okay, bye. [takes VHS tape out, topples camera] Hahh...
MMarcy
Hey, Simon. I, uh... finished packing your gear. So, can I have my tape now?
What?! No! This is private, silly. [puts tape in sled] There you go, snug as a bug.
MMarcy
Seriously, Simon, please don't go.
I... I have to protect you.
MMarcy
How can you protect me if you're not even here?!
I'll arrange for someone to come take care of you. I'll make sure he doesn't leave.
MMarcy
Please, Simon, I can help you with this!
Yeah. Maybe one day you will. But until then, you have to stay brave, my fearless Marceline.
[Simon tends to Marcy, as her left teardrop instantly freezes on his thumb and scratches under her eye]
You see? I have to go now. Goodbye, Marcy. [runs with the sled dogs]
MMarcy
But— No! Wait!! [traps her foot in the snow] Simon! Simon!!
EEmpress
Where are we? It's like we fell asleep on a raft and woke up in strange seas.
Humph! Fell asleep? We died. The demon Marceline staked us all. Why are we back? How did it happen? Listen. I don't know and I don't care. We're alive, and I'm going to get eating!
FFool
[tries reattaching his loose fang] Ahhh... Hey, does anyone have any milk for this? Do you, like, carry milk?
CCow
Mooooo. [Vampire King's hand holds him] Moo?
EEmpress
This is well and good for you, Hierophant. All you ever needed was a forest and something hot to chew on. [Hierophant gnaws his instrument] Where are the comforts of the old hive? The minions, the blood... The good blood with the gold leaf flaked into it!
VKVampire King
The gold leaf was stupid. It didn't taste like anything.
EEmpress
We had standards! It doesn't matter when we are or where we are because we are. [VK licks his tongue, smudges saliva on cow's eye like eyeliner] We must start rebuilding our realm. There's life here and I bet it's pathetic. [VK starts dancing with the cow] We march in, we take control, and we rebuild the hive! My King, are you listening?
FFool
I dunno. Like... [yawns] What if we just got a loft downtown?
[a fused Empress warbles a beam at the entranced Fool]
FFool
Whoops, I'm hypnotised. [slaps himself down] Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh! [crack!]
[Fool lodges himself onto Sister Moon's brains and she sways him away. Moon's head soon regenerates back]
FFool
[laughing] Good ol' backwards egg!
Bonnie, I don't get it. Jake's talking about vamps at the same time you fixed me, and there can't be any still around!
Well, clearly something's creeping around.
Okay, what about the paste you took out of me? That should be all that's left that's vampiric in the modern world.
It's all over there, safely in the safety bucket. [all gone] What?! Pep But, what'd you do with the gunk?!
Okay, there was one that looked like if a baby snake was a baby-baby.
[Pep But scribbles in his sketchbook and shows an illustration of a larva-like thing with its tongue out on top]
Nah, that's not right. There was another one that looked like if an ant hill were a girl.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of ant hill with eyelashes and lips]
Nah, that's not right. There's one of them that looked like a wet uncle.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of a face with a tie, messy hair and moustache with teardrops]
Nah, that's not right. There was a lady who looked like black drapes on a cake pop.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of a cake pop and drapes]
Nah, that's not right. There was also one that looked like an angry stop sign coming out of a loaf of bread.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of what looks like a epicanthic folded face between two sides]
Nah, that's not—oh, actually, that one's pretty close.
You did a tremendous job guarding the cabin, Jake. But it looks like you need to be relieved.
Yeah, I need relief. PB still working on new vampire-busting gear?
Yeah, but she's almost done. No sign of Marceline, though. I think she ditched us to fight the vampires by herself—solo-style. We'll go look for her after PB's device is up and running. So, how did you pass the time?
Patted my laps and made some rhymes. Stoop, stoop, sittin' on the stoop. Stoop, stoop, sittin' on the stoop... [walks into cabin, Finn sees something]
Is that PB's outside clock? [sees grandfather clock punctured with holes] Looks like it's been staked. What did you do?
[turns around, groans] I heard a loud snap, and my vampire-hunting reflexes kicked in!
Dude, that was her Uncle Gumbald's outside clock.
[squeaks] She doesn't have to know I broke the clock. Let's blame it on the vampires! [stretches his arms] Or we can hide it! Whoop! [pushes clock into the forest] Problem solved?! Yeah?! [Finn hi-fives] Whoop! [runs into cabin; Finn pauses for a beat]
Aahh!! What was that?! Vampiyah!! [continues throwing his stakes screaming. Pan up to see Ice King sitting on a high branch]
Snap, snap, snapping branches for fun.
Marceline, listen to me. You will never defeat the Vampire King. You can't even defeat me in your current state. [Marceline sits down in Jake-House]
All right, what do you want?
The truth is, I hate the King as much as you do. He's a total dink. I came looking for you because I want to team up. Then you started tempting me with boy blood [LSP flirts at him saying "Hey!"] and hurling spiky purple gobs at me. Here's the dope. You need me. [Marceline moves LSP back]
Yeah, okay, girl, you got this.
I don't know how it finally happened, but... he must have let you beat him.
[cut to Vampire King biting Marceline's neck while being staked]
[beat, facepalms] Ugh!! All right. Say we do work together, you need to give up drinking blood. [turns invisible]
I'm a vampire! Drinking blood is kind of the main thing.
And you can drink red just as easy. [he grunts] No hurting poor, scared blood-filled animals.
[beat] Well, then I suppose I have no choice. I'm just going to waste you [grabs Marceline by the neck] and eat that kid because that's what an old-school vampire does! [behind the rustling bush comes out a crying Crunchy]
CCrunchy
I don't wanna play anymore! [bumps Hierophant into Jake-House]
[gasps] No! I-I wasn't invited! [disintegrates] NOOOOO...!!
[Marceline flies over and sucks his essence; she absorbs the laughing soul inside of her. Finn observes his skull and bones]
Dude was too old-fashioned for his own good. He just couldn't get with the times.
[Finn and Jake burp constantly to a severely poisoned Marceline]
Cut it out! That's not helping her!
But Mom and Dad always burped on us.
Sorry, guys, there are no cure-alls. Your parents were just burping on you for kicks.
Oh, yeah, that makes sense. [burps] Oh, sorry, last one.
Auh! What did you eat, Jake?!
Hey, now! I pride myself in having nice-smelling burps. Just kidding.
Pride, hmm. Do you guys know what "hubris" is?
It's like an old-timey deity who weighed your deeds on a scale.
No, it means excessive pride or arrogance.
No, it's true. I believed in myself so much that I was blind to the possible consequences.
Don't believe in yourself so much then, dum-dum!
[crying] Now my best friend is dying of poison because of me.
That ain't true, PB! Marcy took a risk, and you helped her because you're her friend. Real friends take each other to the edge of death. 'Cause death is life! Right, Finn?
Shoot, yeah! I get poisoned all the time just doing the dishes.
I get poisoned on purpose—for research. I have a poison lab back at the castle.
Well, let's get our butts over there, then! Find the Moon, Finn. We'll work on an antidote. You guys take her back to the poison lab. Maybe we can extract her healing powers.
Word. [everyone runs off except LSP]
Hey, wait! What should I do? You guys? [pushes a stake out of her] Brrrrr... Hahahahaha!
How many times do you want to do this, Marceline? Our lives are magnetised. [Marceline morphs further and charges at him] We're in a negative loop. But we can change our outcome this time!
I like the outcome where you get staked!
And you become a vampire?
Rrrrh... [morphs back to normal with her head being held]
Marceline... [she starts punching his arm] I know I was ruthless in the past, but tell me. What's the one thing you've noticed about the world since you beat me all those hundreds of years ago?
Everything repeats over and over again. No-one learns anything, because no-one lives long enough to see the pattern, I guess.
But you've lived long enough.
And you still think this is the right way, fighting me?
The other way's like a black hole. An unknown.
So let's consult a witch.
[she immediately punches his face, sending him flying into a large thick cloud. She gets a spare stake from her left boot]
[as she flies over, the thick clouds part away to see a vocalising Vampire King in a cloud pool and shreds his suit]
I'm not afraid of the unknown! [pounding his chest] I have the power to change destiny! [shoots a twirling column of water high in the sky, thunder crashes] Queen of vampires! You weigh the scales of fate! Spill my guts or face the unknown! Either way, I will not bite! For turning you would subjugate me to the wheel of fortune, and I am a king, not a hamster. My path runs straight into the void on a sick flaming chariot! [bursts column and rains on Finn, Jake and Bubblegum]
FJFinn/Jake/Bubblegum
Whoa...
Stake me! I will not hide! [shreds his pants, thunder crashes] Do it, chicken! You make me sick! [drops down and squirms in his cloud pool]
Okay, dag! We'll take your stupid thing out!
Your dang vamp juice! Come on!
Well... finally did it, big guy. You won. Well played. [watches Bubblegum, Finn and Jake as they subdue the giant cloud monster] Just kind of wish you would've gotten it over with a thousand years ago and saved us all some trouble.
[the giant cloud monster passes underneath Marceline, drenching her as it heads to the Candy Kingdom]
Better late than never, I guess. [sighs, sings]
Smelled something bad
Just a sec, now it's gone
Was it there all along?
Smelled like garbage and cheese
Was it just on the breeze
Or was it me?
[another voice sings along] Was it reality? [she sees a flying ice wizard]
You remembered my song! [chuckling, lands down]
Simon? Wh... what are you doing here?
Well, I saw through my peeping scope that everything was going boom and exploding and monsters, and all my friends were in grave danger and horrible torment.
No!! I felt left out. I'm just a phone call away, you know. [Marceline hugs behind Simon, tearing up]
I'm sorry, Simon. Next time, for sure. [sighs, sits down] Anyway, you don't want in on this fight. This one's a loser.
[sits beside her] Oh, I see. Sittin' this one out, huh?
Yeah, I guess. And don't try to talk me out of it.
What? No, no, I'm right there with you. You and me, we're survivors, right? Like cockroaches or rats. Sure, you could fight and try to save the day, but what if you lose? Then what? You could die! Better to run and hide like a rat. Right, buddy? [holds her in his embrace]
[pushes him] Unh! Did you just call me a cockroach, Simon?!
What? No! No, no, no... no.
Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting
Right there where you left it lying upside down
When you finally find it, you'll see how it's faded
The underside is lighter when you turn it around.
