Tracy Jordan quotes from 30 Rock

Liz

You ready for Larry King Live tonight?

Tracy

You know it. I cursed for 3 hours straight just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch.

Tracy

What is this, Horseville? Because I'm surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!

Liz

That is solid.

Frank

We figured Lutz is never going to get married, but he wants a bachelor party, so we're taking him to a strip club. You wanna come?

Tracy

Come on, Liz Lemon, you don't want to be treated any differently, do you?

Liz

Sure, I'll go.

Tracy

All right!

Liz

But you won't.

Tracy

[gasp] Twist!

Tracy

Orange and black decorations? Is this Halloween, or Princeton Parents' weekend? I don't know whether to be scared or proud of my cousin...

Kenneth

It's Halloween, sir.

Tracy

Proud it is.

Frank

Tracy, did you hear? Fred Dawkins, the incredibly overweight guy Pac-man was based off of, died.

Tracy

I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor.

Jenna

He's evil, Tracy!

Tracy

He's evil Tracy? Oh, "He's evil" [comma], "Tracy."

Tracy

What made you change your mind?

Jack

Tracy Jr. made you an acrostic.

Tracy

Well, I hope he made me an acrosse helmet so I don't get hurt playing acrosse! [seeing Jack's confused stare] Now come on, that's pretty solid for a guy who just came out of an hallucination.

Jack

He built GE into the greatest company on Earth, and the Earth into one of the top three planets in the universe!

Tracy

It's like a black barbie doll in Arizona - nobody's buying it!

Tracy

Parties are like frisbees. If you throw them the wrong way, they'll veer off in a bad direction, and then your kid will fall into a quarry.

Liz

What?

Tracy

Don't throw a party for vengence. It will turn on you... like your wife, after your kid has fallen into a quarry.

Tracy

I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons, for very legitimate reasons.

"Cooking a French bread pizza" and "forgot".

Jack

Certainly you can't be surprised that there's a lot of negative stuff about you out there. Don't you ever Google yourself?

Tracy

Sure, I google myself all the time, like when Angie's not in the mood or I'm alone in a hotel.

Liz

Come on, my card only has a 1 in 52 chance of getting picked anyway.

Tracy

How did you know that? You're like Rain Man. Quick, how many toothpicks are on the ground?

Liz

Zero.

Tracy

We need to go to Vegas.

Liz

You are disgusting! And I have absolutely no reason to apologise to him.

Tracy

And I have no reason to hug her other than my love of having boobs pressed against me.

Kenneth

The Empire State Building will be lit in the color of your choosing.

Tracy

Clear.

Kenneth

Sea World will now let you borrow a killer whale for spring break.

Tracy

I'll need a whale saddle.

Kenneth

And Steven Spielberg wants you to star is his next movie.

Tracy

Kate Capshaw's husband?!

My son Adam is a huge, huge fan!

Tracy

Yes, many of our viewers are obese.