Tracy Jordan quotes from 30 Rock

Frank

Yeah it's pretty good but I think the boobs should swing more.

Tracy

Yeah then I could go "Rodney, don't make me come over there and beat you in the head with one of my boom booms."

Tracy

So GE will produce the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine?

Jack

Oh no, no. GE could never make something so... unique. We'll have to pass this off to one of our subsidiaries. [Jack rolls down a complex organizational chart] You see, GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which in turn owns JMI of Stamford which is a majority shareholder of Pokerfastlane.com which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company which owns NBC outright. NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works which owns the AHP Chanagi Party Meats company of Pyongyang, North Korea, and they will make the Meat Machine.

Tracy

I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?

Jack

I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

Tracy

So what's your religion, Liz Lemon?

Liz

I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.

I've been going crazy the last few days thinking about our night together. How you wanted to brush my hair as foreplay. How you made me that Western omelet at 4 a.m. I've never met anyone like you, Jack.

Jack

Be with me, C.C. We'll ignore our differences 'til the sex goes bad then we'll walk away bitter and angry.

Nobody can know we're together. Not even your friend Tracy Jordan out there.

Jack

I don't think you have to worry about Tracy.

Tracy

Stop eating people's old French fries, pigeon; have some self respect! Don't you know you can fly?

Tracy

My genius will not be denied! I'm like Mozart! You're like that guy who was always jealous of Mozart.

Frank

Salieri?

Tracy

No thank you. I already ate.

Liz

WHERE'S MY SANDWICH?!?!

Tracy

Lutz made us do it.

No, it was Frank.

Kenneth

THAT'S IT! This is all my fault, Miss Lemon. Because I let it happen. And the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Tracy

Please ask my permission before you quote me, Kenneth!

Liz

I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich. Or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad, you'll have a chin. YOU'LL ALL HAVE CHINS!

Okay, I'm Jeffrey. I am a mediator, and you two are having a dispute. Now why is that?

Jenna

Because Tracy thinks he can treat me unfairly because I'm a woman.

Tracy

What? Please, we are here because white folks think they can do whatever they want to do to black folks. It's like when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry at the Oscars! White people stole jazz, rock 'n roll, Will Smith, and heart disease! Now they think they can take my hard-earned money.

Liz

You're breaking union rules. Our insurance doesn't cover any of this. And you're potentially infringing on Warner Brothers intellectual property. Shut this down!

Tracy

I want a different answer. Where's Jack Donaghy?

Liz

No there's no more Jack. He's dead to us. Break this down! Everybody out!

Liz

[after seeing "Tracy" sitting in the middle of the hallway] Tracy, get out of the hallway.

Tracy

[jumps out from around the corner] OR AM I?

Liz

Oh God, this dream again.

Tracy

That's not me. That's a Tracy Jordan Japanese Sex Doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.

Tracy

Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?

Jenna

Well, of course, Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?

Tracy

In the spirit of Christmas and Kwanzo--

Liz

Kwanzaa.

Tracy

And shalamzazam to you too, my sister.

Kenneth

Mr. Jordan, Ms. Maroney. You wanted to see me?

Jenna

Kenneth, Tracy and I want to do something for the crew, you know, to thank them for being sick.

Tracy

We didn't know what to get them, but then I had a brain storm. It was a bad one, Jenna had to put my tongue guard in.

Jenna

But after he stabilized we decided we'd get them all hot soup.

Tracy

So... go do that.

Kenneth

Oh, all the other pages have gone home sick, I can't make any runs right now. Maybe the two of you could go get the soup.

Jenna

I don't understand.

Kenneth

Well, I'm saying you could get your wallet...

Tracy

My what?!

Kenneth

...and go downstairs to the basement...

Tracy

No!

Kenneth

...and you go to the soup place, and bring the soup back up here...

Tracy

With what? My arms?

Kenneth

...make sure to take your IDs with you.

Tracy

That'll be the worst part!

Jenna

[having an idea] I've got it!

Tracy

Give it to me! It's mine!

Tracy, I don't know how to say this... de-ay-bah-tees?

Tracy

Diabetes?

That's it! Well, now we know what we're dealing with.