Liz Lemon quotes from 30 Rock

Liz

Hello, I'm sorry, may I speak to Floyd, please?... Oh, he's in the shower... I am conducting a survey for the Ranford Group, and, uh, how old are you? ...And your weight? ...And when was the last time you had intercourse? ...Who is this? Who is you? I is your worst nightmare, is who I is.

Liz

Hey, nerds! Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? [pointing both thumbs at herself] This moi.

Liz

WHERE'S MY MACARONI AND CHEESE!?!?

Liz

WHERE'S MY MAC AND CHEESE!?

Liz

(looking at her calendar) Ugh... why don't I cross out the days like people in the movies?

Liz

If I have learned anything from my Sims family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.

Liz

I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.

Liz

Ugh, I hate January. It's dark and freezing and everyone's wearing bulky coats; you can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

Liz

Just embrace the fact that you are lucky enough to be a happily married man. I mean, I'm actually jealous of you. You've got stability, a great marriage, devoted kids. You know what I have? A Sims family that keeps getting murdered.

Liz

There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory.

Liz Lemon

Word of advice: If the will says you have to spend the night in a haunted house you better hope that everyone else there is black guys and sluts.

Liz

Maybe I'm a little old-fashioned. I'm sorry I'm a real woman and not some over-sexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond.

Liz

[My jeans] are from Brooklyn Without Limits, this very cool store with locations in Gaytown, White Harlem, and the Van Beardswick section of Brooklyn.

Liz

Usually everyone around here makes me feel like Hitler, but today I feel like... Hitler in Germany.

Liz

My husband and I are absolutely so pleased to be underwriting the Jack and Elizabeth Donaghy High School for Teen Drama, the Arts, and Feelings. As embarrassed Americans, Jack and I pledge 5 million dollars to create a new generation of choreographers and puppeteers, clowns, video artists, and theatrical jugglers who will ask the world: what is art?