Zoey Brooks quotes from Zoey 101

Chase

I wonder who invented the meatball.

Zoey

What do you mean invented?

Chase

Well, some guy back in the fifteenth century must have said, "Yes, meat is good, but it would be even better in ball form. And thus the meatball was born".

Zoey

(About Mark) Go talk to him.

Quinn

Oh, I dunno. I'm not very good at talking to guys.

Zoey

It's easy. It's just like talking to girls, but you gotta use smaller words.

Quinn

Okay, so, what do I do?

Zoey

Just pretend Chase is a guy.

Chase

Uh, thanks.

Quinn

Did you know that female spiders eat their children?

Chase

Huh?

Quinn

Spiders aren't insects! They're arachnids! Did you know that elephant urine smells like licorice?

Chase

Oh, my God.

Quinn

Tell me about your first rash.

Chase

Zoey.

Zoey

Quinn.

Quinn

I'm curious. I have an extra toe. Wanna see?

Chase

MAKE IT STOP!

Quinn

Don't you guys want to see my extra toe?

No!

Zoey

My friend, Quinn thinks you're cute and wants to go out with you. Will ya?

Mark

No.

Zoey

Come on! She's pretty and she's right over there.

Mark

(Looks at Quinn) No.

Quinn

What did he say? Please, say he said, "Yes". I would be the happiest person in the world if he said, "Yes", tell me he said, "Yes", please.

Zoey

Ummm.. he said, "YES".

Dana

What's your problem?

Zoey

Remember when I said "Mark said yes". He said, "NO".

Nicole

NO!!!

Zoey

YES.

Nicole

YES.

Nicole

Yes, wait I'm confused.

Dana

Did he say "Yes" or "No"?

Zoey

He said, "No".

Dana

No, then why did you tell her he said, "Yes".

Zoey

Because I panicked.

Dana

You'd better go tell her the truth before she finds out.

Zoey

I can't. It'll break her heart. Her weird little heart.

Mark! You're on a date with HER?

Mark

No! I'm... on a date with Chase!

Chase

Um, it's true. We had a picnic.

Zoey

Sparkling juices and everything, I saw it all.

Yeah, nice try. I can't believe you did this to me, Mark! We are done! Oh-ver!

Mark

Courtney.

Quinn

Mark, I can't believe you dated me when you already have a girlfriend!

Mark

(confused) Who dated you?

Quinn

You may have movie star good looks, but I don't care about you any more! Good day, Mark!

Mark

But...

Quinn

I said "Good day"!

Nicole

Are you sure people are going to pay money to smash a watermelon with a bat?

Zoey

Of course, boys love to smash things.

Michael

It's true!

Chase

We do enjoy the smashing!

Dana

Tell that to Mr. Bermin when he sees what we've done to his baby.

Nicole

What do you think he'll say?

Zoey

He'll probably start with, "Give me my four-thousand dollars back!"

Dustin

Is it true?

Zoey

What?

Dustin

That you're going to get Drake Bell to perform at Spring Fling?

Dana

Sorry, but Drake's not coming.

Dustin

How come?

Nicole

His manager wants 5000 bucks.

Dustin

So get it.

Dana

(sarcastically) Sure, we can just get it from the 5000 dollar store.

Michael

(Talking in code) Zoey, the rabbit's in the hole!

Zoey

Huh? What rabbit?

Michael

[sighs] Stacey's at the store and the deal's goin' down! [mumbling to himself] And ya try to be cool.

Chase

(Giving Michael a quiz from a Teen Girl magazine) Your best friend borrows your lipgloss...without asking!

Michael

(gasp)

Chase

What do you do? A, find a new best friend. B, push her down a flight of stairs, or C...

Zoey

What? It doesn't say that!

Chase

Well, yeah, but I think it should definitely be an option!

Michael

I pick B, down the stairs she goes!

Nicole

Just give me a minute.

What's she doing?

Zoey

Making oatmeal.

Nicole

(pukes)

Mr. Bender

[after hearing Zoey's computer IM alarm ring] Read the message.

Zoey

[reading] "Hey, Zo, do you think Mr. Bender knows his zipper's down?"