Valerie quotes from You Can't Do That on Television

Adam, how was the house painting job today, dear?

It's not fair! You'd think they'd have given me a bonus!

Oh, dear, what happened, Adam?

Well, you see, I got this spray gun and I was able to spray paint faster than anybody else and more than anybody else. Well, they got upset because I accidentally spray painted the cat, the window panes, the flowers, the lady of the house, and part of the new Mercedes.

Oh, dear.

You think they'd have given me a bonus for being fast! But no, no... first they yell at me, then they fire me.

Well, how did the dog-walking job go today, Adam?

[takes the bone out of his mouth] It's not fair! You'd think they'd have given me a bonus!

Oh, no, what happened, dear?

Well, you see, they ask me to walk their prize-winning pedigree dogs just before the dog show. I thought they looked, a little bit bored, so I took them on a rabbit hunt, you know, through the woods, across some ditches. So what if they got a little bit messy? You think their owners would be pleased that their precious little dogs had more fun that afternoon than they ever did in their entire lives! But no, no... first they yell at me, then they threatened to sue me!

Matthew, where are you going?

I'm just gonna go play in the traffic, Mom.

You sure you're not gonna go play in that park?

No, of course not. I'm gonna go play in the middle of rush hour traffic.

Oh, Matthew, that's a good boy. Have a nice accident, dear.

That's my boy.

So seeing as Doug was so stupid as to get himself slimed and ruin that beautiful uniform, he is not able to go with the rest of us to the Big Apple, New York City.

Alright! Suckers!

Ross, you insist on making us wear these ridiculous outfits and on going to boring museums, then we just won't go.

You don't have much choice, do you?

Yes, we do, Ross. Yes we do. Man is born free, but is everywhere in reins and silly uniforms. We hold these truths to be self-evident that no taxation without representation and that America will always be--

Adam, stop being revolting.

Ross, what Adam is trying to say is that you make us go to New York in these silly stupid uniforms, we will all say...

I don't...

NO!

Wasn't the way we planned it, but I guess it worked okay.