AlanisIf there's one thing I know, it's how to get attention at parties.
S7 E4 Parties
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Played by Alanis Morissette
You Can't Do That on Television · 355 quotes
In 7 of the 355 quotes from You Can't Do That on Television
Most scenes with: Alasdair (3), Mrs. Prevert (3), Adam (3)
Lines by Alanis Morissette 1
AlanisScenes with Alanis Morissette 6
AAdam
Now I'm telling you, Alanis, the rolling stones really do live in there.
AlanisThe Rolling Stones? Are you sure?
AAdam
Yeah. Now come on, let's get out of here, this is dangerous.
Alanis[running up to the front door] Are you kidding? And miss a chance at getting their autographs? Oh, that Mick Jagger is such a hunk... I can't wait to see them... [rings the doorbell]
AAdam
[trying to stop Alanis from ringing the bell] Wait a minute! ... I don't mean THOSE Rolling Stones, Alanis!
[Alanis opens the front door, then screams and quickly runs off to avoid a barrage of giant rocks rolling toward her.]
AAdam
[getting crushed by the giant rocks] I mean THOSE rolling stones! AAAAHHH!
S7 E2 Pop Music
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[The kids have just decided to form a band to back Alasdair when he goes out touring.]
Okay, what do we call (the band)?
Beats me.
No, I don't really like the sound of that. Adam, do you have any ideas?
AAdam
I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
No, no, Adam, that's too intellectual. Alanis, you must have a good idea?
AlanisI don't know.
[Alanis is slimed.]
Alanis[angrily] Alasdair, you did that on PURPOSE! Now I will hate you.
No! Alanis, no, really, it didn't have anything to do with me. I just forgot to tell you that on this show you can't say "I don't know," or you'll get slimed---
[Alasdair is also slimed.]
AAdam
Wait a minute, I've got a great idea! Why don't we call our group the Green Slimes? [shaking Alasdair's hand] Put 'er there, buddy!
Swell. [to Alanis] You okay?
[Alanis, grimacing, digs a handful of slime out of her shirt pocket and drops it on the floor.]
S7 E2 Pop Music
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Alanis, if you won't go to the network party with me, I'll just have to kill myself, that's all.
AlanisOh Alasdair, how touching. I really want to help you... all right.
You'll come?
AlanisNo, I'll go.
Great!
AlanisI'll go see if I can find my father's gun.
S7 E4 Parties
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(Alasdair, Alanis, Adam and Kai are partying in the living room and having a wonderful time, when they hear their parents' voices outside the door.)
Children! We're home from the convention!
Hi kids!
Oh no! We weren't supposed to be having a party! Quick, clean up!
AAdam
They'll kill us!
(The children frantically begin trying to clean up the messy living room, but don't get far when the door opens and Mom and Dad enter.)
(sees mess) HEY! Whaaaat's been goin' on here?!
AAdam
Well...
Some... some... some bunch of burglars broke in here and tied us all up, and then they went really wild and crazy and had a party!
KKai
And... and you should have seen the Pin the Tail on the Donkey game! It was terrible!
Oh, no! Are you kids all right?
Well, we're kind of in shock right now.
Okay, listen - I am gonna call the police.
AlanisDad, don't be too hard on them, you know, just because they didn't clean up the place.
Oh, don't you worry, Alanis. Those burglars are going to get their just deserts. You see (holds up fish bone), those burglars ate some salmon that was contaminated with food poisoning, and they are all going to be very sick any minute now.
(The kids immediately get sick and begin to throw up.)
S7 E4 Parties
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[A door-to-door saleswoman (Alanis) walks up to the Preverts' front door and rings the bell. Mrs. Prevert answers, her red hair in curlers.]
Yes, dear?
AlanisRavon Calling! Good morning or afternoon, sir or madam, as the case may be. As advertised on television, we would like to offer you a beauty program that will leave you looking years younger. Try our new beauty cream absolutely free of charge.
Oh, I certainly will! Oh!
[Mrs. Prevert excitedly rubs some of the cream on her cheeks. A puff of smoke, and she is transformed into a little girl.]
Young Mrs. Prevert: (Stephanie) Wow, it really works! I feel years younger!
[Young Mrs. Prevert excitedly reaches for more cream.]
AlanisNo, don't take any more... I wouldn't recommend it...
[Mrs. Prevert rubs more cream on her cheeks anyway. Another puff of smoke, and she is transformed into an infant (doll).]
Alanis(Picking up Mrs. Prevert) The manual never said anything about this!
S7 E6 TV Commercials
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AlanisUgh! Mom, this food is disgusting! I wouldn't feed this to my worst enemy.
Oh, neither would I, dear. I love you, Alanis; in fact, no one could be closer to me than you are, so I didn't give it to my worst enemy - I gave it to you. Now EAT IT, young lady, every forkful! There's nothing wrong with pureed rutabager! In! Two, three!
S7 E10 Enemies & Paranoia
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