Greg quotes from Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

I'm not exactly sure where Double Trouble took the Triangle.

Now you've done it!

That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (he looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger's window)

You've really done it this time. You've ruined all the maps! While you're down there being indecisive, a vital spot in New York has vanished into the Triangle! It's the spot mapmakers use to measure road miles from New York City. And now, it's just a big hole! Traffic's a nightmare on Broadway! Now, get out there and do something! (she frantically closes her window)

Jonathan Swift was a writer born in Ireland. His story about a gentle giant in the land of Lilliput has become a classic. In the story-- (Frank rings in) Frank.

The Jolly Green Giant?

I'm sorry. That's not the answer we're looking for. In the story, Jack and the Beanstalk-- Is the story Jack and the Beanstalk, Ghostbusters, or Gulliver's Travels? (Judd rings in) Judd.

Ellivle's-- Gulliver-- Gulliver's Travels.

I think we can accept that. Gulliver's Travels. Yeah. I know exactly what you're goin' through there, pal.

Those ACME agents are closing in fast. Hop into the triangle and disappear.

Geez, Carmen, we could make ACME disappear.

A lovely thought, boys, but I've got another idea. Go to an Italian city and stash the triangle in St. Mark's Square. You will have arrived just in time for the Biennale.

The Bie-what, Carmen?

The Biennale. It's a world-famous art show that happens every 2 years. Simply everyone will be there, boys. Don't miss it.

Geez, Carmen, we love those artist types; we're on our way!

(singing) Spooky Triangle!

Nice Job, You got Double Trouble. There's one more thing you gotta do now, and that's put 'em in jail. Pull this train-- cha-- trains...

This chain and do it! (Rockapella does Double Trouble's in jail tune) We normally have a train here that you pull, but we had a chain here today.

Hey, Chief! Chief! The Chief's not here. Guess I'll just have to wait for her. (laughs; sits at her desk) This is nice. I like this. This is pretty. (examines some of her things) Cool. Look at all this stuff she has. (magnifies his eye with her magnifying glass) Whoo-whoo-whoo! (laughs) (imitates the Chief's voice) Greg, you're the nerve-center of this whole operation. You're the only one I could count on. Carmen Sandiego is somewhere in the universe, Greg. The boys down at Photo Recon have put together a few slides. Let me show 'em to ya. (turns on the slide projector displaying a blank image) Earth. Population 5,000,000,000. Nice place. Try food. It's a local specialty. (displays a second blank image) The sun. Climate sunny. Don't go barefoot. (laughs and displays a third blank image) Black hole. Roaches check in, but they don't check out! (displays a fourth blank image) Carmen may be prowling around Pluto or hiding on Uranus. Search 'em both. Well, gumshoes, that's the universe. (the Chief walks in) Remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence. (forms the triangle with his hands) My left hand. My right hand. Thumbs. Greg, you're not listening to me. GRE--!

Chief

(turns off the projector) GREG!

Chief

Wha-- You're wasting time! Now, you and the gumshoes have got to find Carmen Sandiego. I'll give a trip anywhere in the lower 48 states to the one who gets her. (applause)

Chief, listen. Uh, I hope you don't think that I was makin' fun of you because actually it was more of a tribute.

Chief

Go away.

Yes, ma'am. (exits the office)

Chief

I don't sound like that.

Grunge, you'd better hide that oil where ACME can't find you. Head for the southern end of the Arabian Peninsula. It'll cost you a few Rials to stay in a hotel. You'll love the place. Water's an extremely short supply.

Great. No danger of a bath.

But you'll have to wear a shirt.

Why?

It's an Islamic country, Grunge. They find uncovered arms offensive.

Gee, Carmen, I like to think that my arms are offensive anywhere.

Why me?

Chief

Here's the lowdown on Eartha Brute. When she's not pumping iron, she's pounding heads. Your mission, Gumshoes: Loosen Eartha's grip on the monument, return it to its rightful place, and then, capture Carmen Sandiego! Greg!

This thing's getting awful heavy.

Quit your belly-aching. ACME's closing in on you. Take the monument to Monument Valley, and hide it behind a butte.

But--

Not but. Butte. It's a giant rock formation. You'll find it in a southwestern state near the Four Corners.

But--

Butte! Butte, you Brute!

Quit your yakking and find that obelisk!

Oh, man. This is my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey. Hey, what's an obelisk?

You ninny! The Washington Monument is an obelisk. A stone monolith that tapers to a pyramid at the top. Eartha's in a country where the earliest known obelisks were erected at Abu Qir. Now, catch her and keep your nasty voices quiet! (shuts her window)

Thank you, love of my life. (blows kisses)

Oh, hold on a second. I-- Well-- You wanna get it?

Yes.

Okay, go ahead. (Russell pulls out the phone) Yeah, just pull it out, there. All right.

Hello? (Eartha tells Russell to go to Asia)

Carmen, those ACME agents have found me again.

No wonder, Grunge. You smell like yesterday's garbage. Now, go to the most remote capital in Europe. It's in a valley surrounded by Pyrenees mountains.

Gee, Carmen, you're always sendin' me to remote places. (coughs) How will I get there?

A henchman who speaks Catalan will take you. Just look for a guy in a gas mask.

A gas mask? Carmen, is the place polluted?

No, your breath is polluted. Now, get moving!

Our next clue is coming to us from ACME Make-Believe-Net. Watch.

Well, Top Grunge went to Lancaster County. It's known for its large Amish and Mennonite population. Those are religious groups that believe in livin' a very simple life. Like me. They don't drive cars or use electricity. Top Grunge caused quite a commotion when he roared up from Harrisburg, and he was a big problem around the Shoofly Pie.

Meow meow meow meow?

Oh, Henrietta, please don't give it away. Wish you well.

Meow meow.

Thanks a lot, neighbors.

There's a salmon ladder... Oh, yeah...

Maybe at the Ashland Shakespeare Festival

Bad girl!

Bad girl!

Bad girl!

Oh, Patty's one bad girl.

P-P-Patty!

Ooh-be-do. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

The Warrant!

Oh, yeah.

Rockapella, everybody! Let's hear it! Come on!

Patty, those ACME agents have found you. Head for Hobart. It's the second oldest European settlement in Australia.

Gee, Carmen, isn't that where they sent British convicts?

(laughs) Only the worst ones, Patty, but that was long ago. Now, it's the capital of one of Australia's best nature regions.

A nature region, huh? Sounds like a good place to hide the stone.

Of course it is, Patty. That's why I do the thinking. Go to Freycinet National Park. A henchman will be there to guide you.

Carmen, I'm on my way!

Now, guys, it's time for us to turn to the Paula Abdul of the geriatrics set. Please welcome Nana Rap!

(laughs) You're such a nice young man. I'd be happy to do some chill slammin' and jammin' for ya. Hit it! (rock music plays)

Let's hear it! Nana Rap! Come on!

You know, Gumshoes, they say sometimes that dreams can answer questions. Well, I happened to have a dream last night that could probably give you some answers if I can just remember... how that went... that crazy... dream...

Oh, so confusing. Robo's in two time zones. 4:00... Sioux Falls... 3:00... Badlands... What? Missouri River? No. No! Can't swim. Can't swim! (wakes up) Waaauuuggghhh! Waaauuuggghhh! Waaauuuggghhh!

Oh, whoa, rough night. Heh-heh.

Now, we found this next informant slinking around an orchard. Watch.

I sssssaw that clanky guy. He was trying to sssssell a calendar in Jerusalem. That's the Jewish homeland. But they use the Hebrew calendar. They sssay it goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Sssounds about right to me. Wanna bite?

Go south of Israel along the Red Sea. I want you to head for Mecca. It's the Arab city where Mohammed was born.

Clarify. Who is Mohammed?

You tinhead. He's the founder of Islam, one of the biggest religions in the world. Stop outside of the city, though. You can't enter if you're not Muslim.

Acknowledged. When do I arrive?

In the Islamic year of 1412.

Isn't that 579 years ago?

No. In Mecca, it's right now.

Now, bad news, Gumshoes. Uh, we didn't get--

Will you knock it off down there?!

Oh, no. That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger)

I'm sick of your noise! He went here. He went there. Look on the South Pacific island of ʻEua. Just west of the International Date Line, for goodness sakes! It's close to Samoa. Now, go get him and stop making such a racket! (shuts her window)

Isn't she a sweetheart?

Jingle bells! Jingle, jingle bells, jingle bells...

Looks like we have Special Agent Claus with us today.

I'm really T'd off this time. I'm really T'd off! That Robo creep is gonna get coal for Christmas this year! First, he stole the North Pole, and then he's in my summer house in Turku, on the shores of the Gulf of Bothnia. First, he scared the reindeer, and then he turned off the northern lights. Ooooooh... I'm mad! (he and his elf return to the alley)

Okay, okay. Ooh! I'd hate to rile that guy! Not a good idea.

Hey, guys. What's the Word on the Street?

The word is "49,000".

Hey! That's not a word. That's a number!

There's a 49,000-year-old meteor crater near the city of Flagstaff, and it's in the 49th state, Greg.

Hey! No, it's not. It's in the 48th!

Guys, guys, guys.

Sorry, Greg.

It's okay. (exits)

Bye.

What you have to do now is track Carmen Sandiego through 7 different countries, identifying each country with a marker. If you're right, you'll hear this sound. (siren sounds) But if you're wrong, you'll hear this sound. (BUZZER!) Now, if you're wrong 2 times, don't worry about it, leave the marker where it is, go on to the next one. But if you're right 7 times, within 60 seconds, then you're gonna win that trip to wherever you wrote down in that portfolio just a minute ago. Sound okay to you?

Yeah.

YEAH!!!

Chief

I want results, Greg! I want you to find Patty! I want you to bring back that pooch! Lhasa Apsa... What's his name?

Lhasa Apso. Yep.

Chief

Yeah. If you get Patty, she will lead us to Carmen Sandiego, and that's what I want! Now, report, Buster!

Okay. Well, we had a talking yak for a while, which kinda threw us for a little bit. But...

Chief

All right. Wait. I'll sweeten the pot for the Gumshoes. (to the Gumshoes) Gumshoes, find Carmen, and I will send you anywhere in the whole country.

Uh, Chief.

Chief

What?

(whispers) We can't do that.

Chief

Why not?

We're talkin' 'bout budget. (whispers an idea to the Chief)

Chief

Oh. (to the Gumshoes) Anywhere in the lower 48 states.

Hey!

Chief

Hey, it's still a heck of a deal!

Heck of a deal!

Chief

Yeah. (to Greg) Go away.

Yes, ma'am. Okay.

Everything's okay.

If it isn't too much trouble, please bring 100,000,000 lire to the Via De La Scrofa. I'll be enjoying fettucine at Alfredo's. If I don't get the money by the time they serve the cappuccino, Apso will become a little dog gone. Molto grazia. I mean, thank you so very much. Ciao!

Hmm. Nothin' like a polite threat!

Aunt Carmen, they're closing in fast. What should I do?

Hide on the world's largest island. Then rent a dog sled. That's how some of the children get to school there.

Sounds cold.

It is. Most of the island is covered by ice a mile thick.

Anything else I should know?

Yes, dear. Brush up on your Danish. The island is a province of Denmark.

(about Scott the Dying Informant, prior to the 2nd round) He's really starting to annoy me.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's band of belligerent buckaroos are back in the saddle again. This time, they've heisted a hunk of historic heritage from New York Harbor. Ellis Island was the most immigration processing station in the United States. Between 1892 and 1954, more than 16 million newcomers arrived at the dots of this small, partly artificial island in New York Harbor. In fact, about half of the employees here at ACME have grandparents or great-grandparents who came through this country through Ellis. In 1990, thanks to the efforts of a commission, headed by Lee Iacocca, the new Ellis Island Museum of Immigration was opened to preserve the story of their arrival for future generations. But now, this famed gateway to America has been yanked off its hinges. Double Trouble, Carmen's dual devious delinquents, parasailed into New York Harbor, dropped a net over Ellis Island, then speedboated away. Your mission, gumshoes: burst Double Trouble's bubble, return Ellis Island to New York Harbor, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Oh, uh, usually, I get a call from the Chief about this... (sees on the monitor that she is absent from her office) ...time, but-- Chief? She's not there. Lemme go-- Just lemme go check on her. I'm gonna find out. You guys stay here. Just wanna find out. (enters the office) Chief! Hey, Chief! That's funny. The Chief isn't even in here. (sees a note on her desk) Wait a minute. What's this? It's a letter. (sits down; reads letter) It says: "Dear Chief, This is good-bye? I can no longer stand by where you devote all your time to capturing Carmen. What could've been will never be, because what could be can't be, if you won't be and I can't be. So good-bee..." I mean, "-bye. Signed, Horace. P.S.: I can never get used to calling you Chief." Ah! That is so sad! Oh! But I guess that's the price ya pay when ya dedicate your life to fighting crime.

Chief

Oh, Greg, I'm sorry I'm late.

Oh, Chief, that's okay.

Chief

I had something in my eye.

Well, that's perfectly understandable. It sure is. Yes, it is understandable.

Chief

What do you mean it's understandable?

Well, Chief, you know, I had my heart broken, too. Yeah. Her name was Patti Fitzbingling-Enhoffendorffer. I called her Patti. And not a day goes by when I still don't think about her, except maybe yesterday, and of course, Tuesday, I didn't think about her...

Chief

Greg, what are you blathering about?!

Well, Chief, we saw the letter, and, you know...

Chief

Oh. That! Oh. (laughs) This is a letter I got when I was just a little Chieflet in the 2nd grade. It's scrap paper! What's important is what I wrote on the back.

(sees the back of the letter) I see. ACME Memo. (reads) "To all Gumshoes, regarding reward, the agent who captures Carmen Sandiego will get a free trip anywhere in North America."

That's great, Chief. Yeah. Uh, Chief, by the way, whatever happened to Horace? Did he get married? Or...

Chief

Go away, Greg.

Maybe it's too personal.

Chief

Greg?

Okay.

Chief

Horace.

Patti. (blows his nose, wipes his tears, and returns to work) Okay, Gumshoes!

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her slew of smarmy smugglers have struck again. This time, they burgled a batch of brains in Russia. Moscow's Academy of Medical Sciences is home to a unique group of laboratories, the Brain Institute. For nearly 70 years, scientists there have collected the brains of deceased poets, painters, physicists, and presidents. That grey matter has been sliced, diced, pickled, and tickled, all in an effort to determine whether great minds are anatomically different from the average brain on the street. The lists of noggins in a jar reads like a who's who of the former Soviet union. There's Vladimir Lenin, founder of the Soviet state, tyrannical dictator Joseph Stalin, writer Maxim Gorky, and poet Vladimir Mayakovsky to name a few. There are even animal brains including those of an Indian elephant and a Mississippi alligator. If you're a fan of frontal lobes, if you crave cortex, if you're serious about cerebellum, this is a place to be. Or it was until Robocrook, that pilfering pile of artificial stupidity, raided the institute and cribbed crania. Gumshoes, your mission is to bring in Robocrook, bring back the brains, and then bring down Carmen Sandiego.

You guys are great. You know what else I like? I like every day, (to Greg) when you come into the office here, (to the Chief) and you tell him (Greg) to...

Well, he really likes that part.

Chief

You, too.

Yes, ma'am. (he exits the office)

I tell ya, Norm Abram would be proud! (laughter)

Here's the story of the Florida city...

Oh, the Brainy Bunch.

The Brainy Bunch.

That is where Robo stashed the Brainy Bunch!

Oh, yeah!

Ba-da ba-da ba-ba-da-bop!

Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen!

(about Robo during The Chase round) He hid out in the capital of Georgia. Name it. (Kristyna buzzes in)

Kristyna?

What is Atlanta? (laughter)

Atlanta's right! Welcome to Jeopardy! and Carmen Sandiego.

(imitates Alex Trebek's voice) Hi. I'm Alex Trebek, and now it's time for final clue of this round (normal voice) which means you have to decide how much you wanna to risk.

Goin' out of my head over you!