A character in Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?
(each time Ellis Island is revealed in the 2nd round; the first three are parts of the "Gilligan's Island" theme song)
A three hour tour!
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale!
The movie star!
The Loot!
(as the Blarney Stone is revealed) Blarney Rubble!
Now, Gregg, you have some interesting career plans. Tell us about you career plans.
Yeah, I like to be either a Stand-up comedian or a Baseball Manager. (applause)
Stand-up comedian or a Baseball Manager. Now, wait. Come right up here. 'Cause they just don't want you to talk into the microphone quite that closely. It's on. It's workin' fine. Okay. So, you wanna be a Stand-up comedian. Tell me. What kinda jokes do you do?
Well, um, I make phony phone calls to 1-800 numbers, um--
Yeah.
I make-- I make funny surveys and go to random people who I don't know, and um, I tell 'em knock knock jokes.
You tell 'em knock knock jokes. You can tell he's a comedian by the way he's workin' that microphone, you guys. Yeah, you can just stand right up there, Gregg. It's cool. Just stand right there. That's cool the way it is. You tell knock knock jokes.
Yeah.
Would you guys like to hear a knock knock joke by any chance?
Yeah!
Okay, Gregory, lay one on us. Let's hear it.
Knock knock. (Greg laughs)
Who's there?
Humpty.
Humpty who?
They call me Humpty, with... I say it with an "-umpty"! I really am kinda funky!
Gregg, ladies and gentlemen! Come on! Come on. Tough, tough crowd.
Robocrook! (sings their fanfare)
(Gregg goes to the chain, when the confetti is ready to fall, but steps back to his podium when he sees it falling)
Yeah! Yeah! Oh, yeah, get in there. (laughs) Come on over here, Gregg. (Gregg walks to the chain) Be sure you get plenty of that on you, dude.
Pack up the bell and hop a plane to King Khalid Airport, the biggest airport in the world.
I know where that is! Will I have to wear one of those long, black cloaks?
You mean an abaya! No. But wear a longer skirt, out of respect for their customs.
And I can't drive, right? Women aren't allowed to drive.
You're so smart, dear. Wait a minute! Since when have you been driving?!
Since I stole a learner's permit!
(sings when the Liberty Bell is revealed in the 2nd round) The Liberty Bell!
Carmen, help! Where should I go next?
Head for the Nagoya or the Kanazawa. Some of the high school kids are going through what they call examination hell.
Eww! Sounds yucky! What is it?
They take a series a difficult tests to get into top universities. Many of them spend lots of yen per year on special test-cramming schools after their regular school day ends.
Wow! No fun! But couldn't they call it examination heck?
Just get going!
Number 2 pencil!
Now, Gumshoes, I like baseball. (Merengue music is heard) But when I visit this country, it's for the famous Merengue Festival in Santo Domingo.
(she dances the Merengue)
Y'know, once I hear those ol' rhythms, your Chief becomes... just a non-stop Merengue machine!
(the audience laughs)
Uh, thanks, Chief. (to the audience) Let's hear it for the Chief!
(applause)
I didn't know you can move like that! She can move! She can really... move it out!
Vic, those ACME agents have found you. Head to a nation in the Pacific whose name means south.
Hey, Carmen, I'm headin' for the South Pacific?
Brilliant deduction, Vic. It's one of the few countries on earth that's never been ruled by a foreign power. Now, get moving.
Oh, but Carmen, I'm waitin' for some new plaid suits to come back from the tailor!
Forget the suits, Vic. The traditional dress here is the ta'ovala. It's a woven mat skirt worn by women and men.
Geez, Carmen, a skirt?! This could ruin my reputation as a snappy dresser! Well, I'm on my way.
(each time the bat is revealed)
Hank's hammer! (sung twice)
Hank's homer hammer!
Oh Henry!
Louisville slugger!
Fourth bagger!
Carmen, darling I have two problems. First of all the gumshoes are on to me, second of all I'm freezing!
Take the tods to a British Island in the West Indies. The Dejan people are lovely hosts. You can hide out in the Garrison, where George Washington slept - the only time he ever left America.
Oooh, just my style! Ciao bella!
I'm not your 'bella', I'm your boss.
Now, it would not be PBS if we do not take time for something right now that's very special. And that is...
(he exposes, to everyone's surprise, Handy Hancock, his hand puppet)
...Puppets! Ladies and gentlemen, Handy the puppet! Please welcome him.
(applause)
It's Handy! Hi, Handy.
Hello! It's nice to see you. How are you?
Oh, it's good to see you, too. You're so cute.
It's good to be here.
Excuse me. Excuse me, you 2? We could kinda use a clue right here, if you don't mind.
Oh, very sorry. Okay, here we go. (clears throat) Well, it's way up north in North America, but it's warmed by the Japan current. She had a cab take her around the city. It was completely wrecked by an earthquake in 1964, and they rebuilt the place!
Oh, you are just the cutest thing.
Well, thank you very much. Thank you.
(laughs) You're welcome.
Uh, Chief? Chief, you know this is just my hand. Right? I have red stuff here...
Oh, Greg! Oh, you are such a kidder! Handy, he's such a kidder.
It's not real. (to the audience) Ladies and gentlemen, Handy the puppet!
(applause)
Okay, guys. Now, it's time for you to go to Anchorage.
Anchorage.
And you're gonna look for the Contessa and the Fall Fashion. You hafta go there, find 'em, bring 'em back. But I want ya to know, we do not send our agents out into the field. Alone. Right?
Right. Chief, how 'bout a briefing?
(each time the Paris Fall Fashion Collection is revealed (all are spoken instead of sung))
Très chic! (Spoken twice)
Nice clothes!
Fancy threads!
Cool duds!
The Fall Collection!
Gucci!
I'm not exactly sure where Double Trouble took the Triangle.
Now you've done it!
That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (he looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger's window)
You've really done it this time. You've ruined all the maps! While you're down there being indecisive, a vital spot in New York has vanished into the Triangle! It's the spot mapmakers use to measure road miles from New York City. And now, it's just a big hole! Traffic's a nightmare on Broadway! Now, get out there and do something! (she frantically closes her window)
Jonathan Swift was a writer born in Ireland. His story about a gentle giant in the land of Lilliput has become a classic. In the story-- (Frank rings in) Frank.
The Jolly Green Giant?
(BUZZER!)
I'm sorry. That's not the answer we're looking for. In the story, Jack and the Beanstalk-- Is the story Jack and the Beanstalk, Ghostbusters, or Gulliver's Travels? (Judd rings in) Judd.
Ellivle's-- Gulliver-- Gulliver's Travels.
I think we can accept that. Gulliver's Travels. Yeah. I know exactly what you're goin' through there, pal.
Those ACME agents are closing in fast. Hop into the triangle and disappear.
Geez, Carmen, we could make ACME disappear.
A lovely thought, boys, but I've got another idea. Go to an Italian city and stash the triangle in St. Mark's Square. You will have arrived just in time for the Biennale.
The Bie-what, Carmen?
The Biennale. It's a world-famous art show that happens every 2 years. Simply everyone will be there, boys. Don't miss it.
Geez, Carmen, we love those artist types; we're on our way!
(singing) Spooky Triangle!
Nice Job, You got Double Trouble. There's one more thing you gotta do now, and that's put 'em in jail. Pull this train-- cha-- trains...
(Judd pulls the chain, and Double Trouble ends up in jail)
This chain and do it! (Rockapella does Double Trouble's in jail tune) We normally have a train here that you pull, but we had a chain here today.
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's barbaric batch of baboons have struck again. This time, it was a case of Mexican mayhem in the Gulf of California. Eons ago, the peninsula of Baja California broke loose from what is now Mexico and drifted northwest, leaving a few islands in its wake. One of them is a beachcomber's paradise named Carmen. The island is home to beaches, wildlife, an abandoned saltworks, and only one man. He looks after the deserted town of Salinas. But today, the population doubled when Vic the Slick slithered ashore. His boss's birthday is coming up and he figured an island named Carmen would be the perfect gift. Stealing it was the easy part. Wrapping it will be tough. Your mission, gumshoes: show Vic he's not so slick, return the island of Carmen to Mexico, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
They're on to you, Vic. Hide Carmen Island on Devil's Island in South America.
You mean the famous prison?
It's not a prison anymore. Now tourists go there believe it or not, and it's in the same place that the launch site used by the European space program.
I didn't know Europe was puttin' people in orbit.
Not people. Satellites. The space program is run as a business. They launch satellites for companies and other nations.
A space business, huh? Geez, those frequent flier miles must really add up.
Okay, gumshoes. Look for Vic in Asir National Park. There's hiking, cool temperatures, and mountain scenery, and it's a Mideast nation with one of the world's largest deserts. The desert's about the size of France, but so hot and so dry that almost no one goes there. No wonder Vic headed for the hills, but you gotta keep the heat on.
(each time Carmen Island is revealed in the 2nd round)
Beach booty!
Mr. Lonely!
No cable!
Lost lagoon!
Far from Greg's house!
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale!
Lookin' for an island!
Lil' buddy!
Let's go to Greg's house!
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her slew of smarmy smugglers have struck again. This time, they burgled a batch of brains in Russia. Moscow's Academy of Medical Sciences is home to a unique group of laboratories, the Brain Institute. For nearly 70 years, scientists there have collected the brains of deceased poets, painters, physicists, and presidents. That grey matter has been sliced, diced, pickled, and tickled, all in an effort to determine whether great minds are anatomically different from the average brain on the street. The lists of noggins in a jar reads like a who's who of the former Soviet union. There's Vladimir Lenin, founder of the Soviet state, tyrannical dictator Joseph Stalin, writer Maxim Gorky, and poet Vladimir Mayakovsky to name a few. There are even animal brains including those of an Indian elephant and a Mississippi alligator. If you're a fan of frontal lobes, if you crave cortex, if you're serious about cerebellum, this is a place to be. Or it was until Robocrook, that pilfering pile of artificial stupidity, raided the institute and cribbed crania. Gumshoes, your mission is to bring in Robocrook, bring back the brains, and then bring down Carmen Sandiego.
You guys are great. You know what else I like? I like every day, (to Greg) when you come into the office here, (to the Chief) and you tell him (Greg) to...
Greg and The Chief: "Go away.". (they all laugh, and the contractor heads back to work)
Well, he really likes that part.
You, too.
Yes, ma'am. (he exits the office)
I tell ya, Norm Abram would be proud! (laughter)
(Rockapella parodies "The Brady Bunch" theme song)
Here's the story of the Florida city...
That was founded back in 1824.
As the capital of the territory.
Who could ask for more?
It's a college town, and Robo's got the brains.
At FSU and ANM, he stopped for lunch.
Then he did a little fishing at Lake Jackson.
And that's where Robo stashed the Brainy Bunch.
Oh, the Brainy Bunch.
Scott and Elliot: Brainy Bunch.
The Brainy Bunch.
Scott and Elliot: Brainy Bunch.
That is where Robo stashed the Brainy Bunch!
Oh, yeah!
Ba-da ba-da ba-ba-da-bop!
Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen!
(about Robo during The Chase round) He hid out in the capital of Georgia. Name it. (Kristyna buzzes in)
Kristyna?
What is Atlanta? (laughter)
Atlanta's right! Welcome to Jeopardy! and Carmen Sandiego.
(imitates Alex Trebek's voice) Hi. I'm Alex Trebek, and now it's time for final clue of this round (normal voice) which means you have to decide how much you wanna to risk.
Goin' out of my head over you!
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's pack of pusillanimous punks has prowled again. This time, they clinched their criminal claws around a statue in the African nation in Togo. A monument to a plane wreck might seem strange, but it's one of the main attractions in the town of Sarakawa, Togo. It marks the spot where a plane carrying president Eyadema crashed under very suspicious circumstances in 1974. The president survived the crash and erected and imposing statue of himself at the site. It shows him pointing to the ground and saying, "They almost killed me here." It stood in defiance of the president's enemies until today when Wonder Rat, Carmen's whiskered and witless wannabe, took his tawdry tights to Togo, detached the statue, and scampered away. He left an inflatable Wonder Rat doll in its place. Your mission, gumshoes: snap the trap shut on Wonder Rat, return Edadema's statue to Togo, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
(after Wonder Rat's profile) He's so desperate to promote himself, he'd pose for the photo on a box of rat poison.
ACME's about to trap you. Head for a city whose population went from 0 to 10,000 in one day.
Holy cheese! Why do they hurry?
Because the US government was giving the land away. It's in a state that was called Indian Territory until it was open for settlement. At noon on April 22, 1889, gunshots were fired. That was the signal for thousands of people to charge in and state their claims.
So, the government took Indian Territory and gave it away to other people? Nyah, that's stealin'.
You oughta know, Cheesemeister. Now, move.
This marker stands at the southernmost point in the US outside of Hawaii, and-- Oh, now, will you look at that? What? See those two names on top? Someone has thoughtlessly put graffiti on it. Let's try to get a closer look on them. (the camera zooms up closer to the top of the marker) Focus on them. Uh,-- Oh, yes. Sue and Janet. Well, I can't quite make out the last name. Well, Sue and Janet, if you're watching this show, how does it feel to have 5,000,000 people know you have defaced public property?
(to the tune of the Bee-Gee's "Stayin' Alive"; when the statue is revealed) Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's horde of heisted hooligans has heisted again. This time, they hid a college just outside of San José, Costa Rica. The University of Costa Rica is the nation's largest, oldest, and one of the most prestigious institutes of higher learning. Its some 28,000 students follow a rigorous schedule which begins in February and ends in December. Although similar in many ways a U. S. university, Costa Rican educational requirements are particularly demanding. Students must complete 300 hours of community service and write a thesis or pass a graduate exam in order to earn their degree. Now, school's out for good in Costa Rica because the university has disappeared. Patty Larceny, Carmen's brainy burglarizer, pretended she was taking final exams, but took the whole school instead. Your mission, gumshoes: put the padlock on Patty, return the University of Costa Rica, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
(sings to the tune of Alice Cooper's "School's Out") School's out forever!
Nice job. Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen.
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's mob of mendacious mutants has struck again. This time, they dipped their duplicitous ditches in San Antonio, Texas. In 1836, the Alamo was a site of an epic battle during Texas' war for independence from Mexico. For 12 long days, about 190 Texans held off an attack by thousands of Mexican soldiers. But on the 13th day, the Alamo was stormed and the Texan defenders were killed. When we say "Remember the Alamo," it's their brave fight we recall. But now, this Texas landmark is just a memory because the Alamo has disappeared. Robocrook, that pile of pilfering processes, stormed San Antonio, lassoed the Alamo, then hauled it away. Your mission, gumshoes: short circuit Robocrook, return the Alamo to Texas, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.
Robo, the gumshoes are after you. Head for a country just south of Chad.
Orders acknowledged. Will I encounter communication problems, due to numerous tribal languages?
Not here. There're more than 80 different ethnic groups living together, but many speak a common language called Sango.
Ah, good. I've learned Sango in high school. Could you suggest a location for food?
Of course. Try the restaurant in the city of Bangui. You'll find everything from cooked monkeys to warthogs.
Just a nice simple dish of axle grease would suffice.
(each time the Alamo is revealed)
Tex mex!
With Ice Cream!
Try to remember the--
Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her slew of sleazy slugs have struck again. This time, they did the illicit action in Illinois. Metropolis, Illinois built itself as a hometown of Clark Kent A.K.A. Superman. Back in the 1940s, when the DC Comics superhero first became famous, the folks in Metropolis noticed that their city has the same name as Superman's fictional city. Years later, they turned coincidence into opportunity by jumping into the roadside attraction business. Now, Metropolis boasts the only official Superman phone booth, Superman billboard, water tower, and annual celebrations. It's even got a newspaper called, you guessed it, the Metropolis Planet. But it was dire headlines today when Wonder Rat, in a bit of medium-mongering jealousy, stole the entire city. He says he won't release it until every last image of Clark Kent is replaced with his own heroic visions. They'll be illing in Illinois until Metropolis is returned. Gumshoes, this cannot be tolerated. Your mission is to round up the rat, get the city of Metropolis back to the city of Metropolis, and then catch that burg-burgling bigwig Carmen Sandiego.
Nyah, I'm thinkin' of changin' the name of this town I stole. How does Ratopolis sound?
How does jail sound? ACME's about to nab you. Head for Monrovia, the capital of a West African nation that's home to one of the world's largest fleets of privately owned ships.
Yeah, yeah, right. Ship owners all over the world register there, 'cause they charge low taxes and lenient regulations. Say, I could use a nice rat-cruise.
Forget it. You've got to hide. Head into the rainforest and disguise yourself as a Pygmy Hippo. This is one of the few parts of Africa where they live.
Gee, I don't know Carmen. Wonder-Dwarf-Pygmy-Hippo-Rat? It just doesn't roll off the tongue.
Hmmm, no it doesn't.
(each time Metropolis is revealed in the 2nd round)
Superman Land!
Kryptonite!
Faster than a speeding bullet!
More powerful than a locomotive!
Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!
Dated Lois! In the movie!
LOOK! Up in the sky!
Carmen Sandiego and her school of scurrilous scallywags have struck again. This time, they took a pop shot at Paris, France. The meeting by the emperor Napoleon, the splendor of Arc de Triomphe was built to honor the French army. Napoleon's fortunes didn't last long, but the Arc has lived on. Until last night, that is when Eartha Brute, that brawny burglar, barged up the trophied masse and snarked up the Arc. There will be darkness in the City of Light until their beloved monument is returned. Gumshoes, your mission is to bag the brute, return the Arc to Paris, and then put an end to Carmen Sandiego's career in crime.
(After Eartha's profile) She's a cross trainer, a weight gainer, and a no brainer.
Carmen, how long do I have to carry this Arc around?
Quit whining. ACME's on your tail, Brute. I want you to hide the Arc behind the Barrier Reef off the caribbean coast of Central America. Then, head inland where the Howler Monkeys live.
How do I find them?
They sound like this. (makes monkey sounds) You can hear their cry almost a mile away.
Hey, sounds like my brother.
For our next clue we turn to James Avery, an informant from ACME Shredder-Net. Watch.
Pssst. Gumshoes, Eartha's in a Chinese city, on the eastern bank of the Yangtze River. It's a site that's been inhabited for thousands of years. Twice this century, the city was capital of China, but not anymore. Now it's a bustling commercial center that's capital of Jiangsu Province. That's all I know. Good luck. Get outta here!
Thanks, James. Robert, do you recognize him? Cartoons? Shredder. Shredder everybody.
Prankster of Paris!
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Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? · 274 quotes