Wonder Rat quotes from Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Nobody here in jail appreciates my classic good looks! Get Carmen in here! She loves me! You'll find her in (continent). (Version B)

If there's one thing a rat can do, it's rat! If you wanna find Carmen Sandiego, sniff around (continent). (Version A)

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's pack of pusillanimous punks has prowled again. This time, they clinched their criminal claws around a statue in the African nation in Togo. A monument to a plane wreck might seem strange, but it's one of the main attractions in the town of Sarakawa, Togo. It marks the spot where a plane carrying president Eyadema crashed under very suspicious circumstances in 1974. The president survived the crash and erected and imposing statue of himself at the site. It shows him pointing to the ground and saying, "They almost killed me here." It stood in defiance of the president's enemies until today when Wonder Rat, Carmen's whiskered and witless wannabe, took his tawdry tights to Togo, detached the statue, and scampered away. He left an inflatable Wonder Rat doll in its place. Your mission, gumshoes: snap the trap shut on Wonder Rat, return Edadema's statue to Togo, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Chief

(after Wonder Rat's profile) He's so desperate to promote himself, he'd pose for the photo on a box of rat poison.

ACME's about to trap you. Head for a city whose population went from 0 to 10,000 in one day.

Holy cheese! Why do they hurry?

Because the US government was giving the land away. It's in a state that was called Indian Territory until it was open for settlement. At noon on April 22, 1889, gunshots were fired. That was the signal for thousands of people to charge in and state their claims.

So, the government took Indian Territory and gave it away to other people? Nyah, that's stealin'.

You oughta know, Cheesemeister. Now, move.

Chief

This marker stands at the southernmost point in the US outside of Hawaii, and-- Oh, now, will you look at that? What? See those two names on top? Someone has thoughtlessly put graffiti on it. Let's try to get a closer look on them. (the camera zooms up closer to the top of the marker) Focus on them. Uh,-- Oh, yes. Sue and Janet. Well, I can't quite make out the last name. Well, Sue and Janet, if you're watching this show, how does it feel to have 5,000,000 people know you have defaced public property?

(to the tune of the Bee-Gee's "Stayin' Alive"; when the statue is revealed) Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her slew of sleazy slugs have struck again. This time, they did the illicit action in Illinois. Metropolis, Illinois built itself as a hometown of Clark Kent A.K.A. Superman. Back in the 1940s, when the DC Comics superhero first became famous, the folks in Metropolis noticed that their city has the same name as Superman's fictional city. Years later, they turned coincidence into opportunity by jumping into the roadside attraction business. Now, Metropolis boasts the only official Superman phone booth, Superman billboard, water tower, and annual celebrations. It's even got a newspaper called, you guessed it, the Metropolis Planet. But it was dire headlines today when Wonder Rat, in a bit of medium-mongering jealousy, stole the entire city. He says he won't release it until every last image of Clark Kent is replaced with his own heroic visions. They'll be illing in Illinois until Metropolis is returned. Gumshoes, this cannot be tolerated. Your mission is to round up the rat, get the city of Metropolis back to the city of Metropolis, and then catch that burg-burgling bigwig Carmen Sandiego.

Nyah, I'm thinkin' of changin' the name of this town I stole. How does Ratopolis sound?

How does jail sound? ACME's about to nab you. Head for Monrovia, the capital of a West African nation that's home to one of the world's largest fleets of privately owned ships.

Yeah, yeah, right. Ship owners all over the world register there, 'cause they charge low taxes and lenient regulations. Say, I could use a nice rat-cruise.

Forget it. You've got to hide. Head into the rainforest and disguise yourself as a Pygmy Hippo. This is one of the few parts of Africa where they live.

Gee, I don't know Carmen. Wonder-Dwarf-Pygmy-Hippo-Rat? It just doesn't roll off the tongue.

Hmmm, no it doesn't.

(each time Metropolis is revealed in the 2nd round)

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's swarm of sorted sociopaths has struck again. This time, they convened a criminal conclave in Nairobi, Kenya. Nairobi has become one of Africa's leading international cities, and the gleaming Kenyatta Conference Center helped pave the way. Named for former president Jomo Kenyatta and opened in the early '70s, this 28-story building was home to the U.N.'s first African headquarters. These days, its fine facilities hosts a wide-range of conventions and conferences from around the world. And from the top-floor viewing deck, you can see the entire city of Nairobi stretched out before you. But today, meetings were abruptly adjourned when the Kenyatta Conference Center disappeared. Wonder Rat, Carmen's scruffy scheming scallywag, snatched the center then made a hasting retreat. He plans to use it as a centerpiece of his very own resort, Ratlantic City. Your mission, gumshoes: whisk that whiskered Wonder to jail, return the Kenyatta Conference Center to Nairobi, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

(to everyone in ACME Control Net, who are asleep, via noxious gas) C'mon, it's a big joke, right? HEY! Big jo--! (he then comes up with an idea) LUNCH!

Hey, you guys! You guys! Hey! You guys! You guys! HEY!

I was jokin'!

Head for a national park with one of the world's biggest volcanoes. Native Americans called it Tahoma.

Aw, a huge volcano? Gee, Carmen, I hope you're not trying to get rid of me!

Relax. There hasn't been a major eruption for about 2,000 years. These days it's home to the largest single-peak glacial system in the U.S. outside of Alaska.

Tahoma, huh? I never heard of it.

That's because it was renamed by a British explorer. He called it Mount Rainier.

Hey. If he can rename it, then I can rename it. How about Mount Ratnier? (giggles)

Hmmm...I don't think so!

(after Rockapella's parody of the Supremes' "Why Do Fools Fall in Love") Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen! Along with Lisa Price! Give 'em a round of applause!

(after Rockapella chases Lisa before the Chase) Lisa Price, with Rockapella.

Darwin Research Station. (Shoeprints are revealed)

Nothing!

No. Thank you. Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her team of twisted twerps have struck again. This time, they bullied their way to Binghamton, New York. Binghamton is the home of WSKG-TV, a member station of PBS. From its studios, WSKG serves 21 counties in New York and Pennsylvania. Other TV networks are owned by big corporations, but PBS is a joint venture of its 341 member stations. Local stations like WSKG produce both community, oriented, and national programs, and they raise a significant portion of their money through membership drive. SKG has been a PBS member since 1968. But now, Binghamton is PBS-less because Wonder Rat, that sniveling superhero wannabe, stole the station. He plans to turn it into RTV, Rat Television, 24 hours a day, written, directed, and starring himself. Gumshoes, there will be no more PBS in the 21 counties until the station is returned. You've got to round up that rat, free SKG, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.

Hey! When that rat stole the station, he stole me with it! He holds the station south, just across the Rio Grande. We're getting T.V. shows from a network called Televisa. It's huge! They've got 4 national channels, lots of original programming, and even some American T.V. shows dubbed with Spanish voices. I hope you get this tape, Gumshoes. Remember, (forms the ACME Triangle of Excellence with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage. Now, get me outta here!

Yeah! So, Carmen, this is great! I'll have my network goin' in no time.

ACME's on to you. Head for the home of Chennai Cheetah Studios.

Yeah, Yeah. Where Federico Fellini directed his movies. He could do my life story. We'll call it La Dolce Vita Rat On. That means this sweet ratlife.

I know what it means. Just lay low and stay away from the reconte vershoto.

Yeah, Yeah. I gotta watch my weight in these tight space. Maybe I could market a diet drink. Maybe?

God o mina. Move!

And, uh, maybe not.

(each time WSKG is revealed in the 2nd round)

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's cartel of cruel crudballs have committed another crime. This time, they zapped Zimbabwe. In Zimbabwe, this bird is all over. It appears on the currency, flag, and coat of arms. Several ancient sculptures of the bird, carved out of green soapstone, stand in the museum near the ruins of the Shona Karanga city-state. This powerful kingdom flourished between the 13th and 15th centuries AD in the southeastern part of Zimbabwe. Its power faded but remnants remained: an acropolis, a temple with walls as high as 36 feet, and the Stone Birds. But this morning, Wonder Rat, that rodential robber, grabbed one of the bird by the beak and took off with it. He thinks it will make a cool action figure in his rat-mania roadshow. Gumshoes, your mission is to trap that wretched rat, bring Zimbabwe's beloved bird back home, and then bust up Carmen Sandiego's gang for good.

ACME's closing in on you. Bag the bird, then head for the capital of a southern state. It's where the civil rights movement got underway back in 1955. That's when Rosa Parks, an African American refused to give up her seat on a bus to a white man.

Yeah. Yeah, I know the place. Uh, listen. Can I head for that lunch joint with a huge buffet of local homemade food?

You mean the Farmers Market Cafeteria.

Yeah. I'm thinkin' the customers might wanna see my rat-o-mania road show.

The customers might want to see you in jail, rat-face. Keep your tail out of sight.

Rat, that Yeti is drawing too much attention. Head for the Atlantic Coast of the United States. Hide out in Grover's Mill, a small town east of Princeton.

Aw, don't send me to the states, Carmen.

You'll like it. The place is famous for a big media hoax. It happened on Halloween Eve in 1938. People were listening to their radios when they heard a report that space creatures were invading near Grover's Mill.

Gee, I didn't know Kneemoi hung out in the Garden State.

It wasn't Kneemoi. It was a radio drama, but lots of people thought it was true and panicked.

Geez, if I could get that kind of attention, just think. Newspapers, magazines, CNN--

FBI, criminal court, jail.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll stay outta sight.

Tahare, we're gonna start with you. You have 75 crime bucks. How much did you risk?

(reveals his wager) I risked 50.

50 crime bucks. What'd ya say?

(reveals his answer) I said the Aegean Sea.

Sorry. It is not the Aegean Sea.

(sings to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon") Puff the Magic Yeti!

Chief

The is Lynne Thigpen speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" and remember, stealing never grants your wishes. You end up washing jailhouse dishes. (Due to a factual error in this game, Tahare Campbell has been invited to play a new game in our next season.)

(coughs) This jail cell is awful! (snorts) No matter where I stand, I'm never more than 12 feet away from the soap. (coughs) And it's all Carmen's fault! Go get her in (Continent). (coughs)

Robocrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in (Continent).

I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in (Continent).

Darn that Carmen! I've gone from Salesman of the Century to starchin' socks in the prison laundry. I'm climbin' down the ladder of success. Look for Carmen in (Continent).

Uh-oh. If Carmen finds out I'm in jail again, I'll get fired for sure. Do me a favor and don't mention that you caught me when you're chasing her through (Continent).

Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playing Michael Bolton tapes. Get Carmen in here! She'll make 'em stop! She scooted to (Contient).

All right! Now I can sell my prison memoirs and make a zillion! Get Carmen in here so she can make me a publishin' deal. She's hidin' out in (Continent)

Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in (Continent).

That Carmen's a party pooper. We've been in jail for 17 seconds already, and she hasn't even visited yet! Look for her in (Continent).

Chief

And this is Wonder Rat, Carmen's wicked whiskered windbag.

(singing) Wonder Rat

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...THE PERSIAN SUBVERSION or THE GRABBING OF THE GULF!

Hiya, Chief. Listen, I was expectin' you to call me in.

Chief

Well, I couldn't, Greg. My intercom doesn't work, and look, (shows her magnifying glass) my magnifying glass won't magnify. The blotter won't blot. Well, I can't even open my drawers.

Chief, listen. Maybe your desk is outta gas. Now, when was the last time you had it filled?

Chief

Well, you know, I've been so busy, I haven't even thought about it lately.

Look here, this is your problem. It's bone dry, huh? I'll fill it up for you. (taps the left side of her desk to summon the monitor she had previously used for the Photo Recon segment in Season 2)

Chief

Oh, thanks. And while you do that, I'll tell the home viewers at home about the contest. (Greg puts a gas pump in the top of the monitor to have her desk filled with gasoline and cleans the "windshield"; during this the contest is announced)

Heck of a deal. All right, uh, pull thing there, Chief. (removes the gas pump and the Chief starts her "car" and Greg taps the monitor to descend back down) All right. Safe as always.

Chief

(hands Greg his tip) There you go. Keep the change.

Thank you. Drive safely.

Chief

(turns on her "headlights") You bet.

(as the Chief drives off) And don't play your radio too loud. You know what happened last time. (the Chief waves goodbye and so does Greg) See ya. (exits the office with the gas pump)

You'd better take the gulf on the lam.

I am on the lam, Carmen. I've been in 4 countries in the last 8 minutes.

I mean the Lam Sea. That's what the local people used to call it, anyway. The sea is officially part of Russia, so you see its modern Russian name on maps. Head for Sakhalin Island.

Gee, you'll think I'll run into any of my faithful devoted fans, Carmen?

No, they're both in prison, but keep your claws out of the water. The sea is full of crabs.

Hey, crabs love me! I'll get a crustacean ovation! (laughs)

I love drivin' this car, Chief.

Chief

Well, just don't push the ejector seat like you did the last time.

What'd he say?

We're goin' to North America!

(laughs) Do it again!

(point to the camera) We're goin' to North America!

Chief

And this is Wonder Rat, that self-glorifying snout-faced nibbler who works for Camren Sandiego.

(singing) Wonder Rat

Chief

His last known whereabouts: the Australian Airwaves. Times are tough for Australian television. Recently, all three of the country's commercial TV networks declared bankruptcy, but one network is doing well: ABC, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. It's a government funded public network. Once regarded as a stodgy producer of science and news programs, ABC has become a crowd-pleaser. Or it had until today when Wonder Rat, with the help of his hired hopping hooligans, purloined the programming from ABC. While his ruse reconnoitered, the rat remained. Gumshoes, you got to catch Carmen, rope the rat, and solve today's case...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...ABCee YA LATER!

(hears the sound of a stampede) Remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence, Gumshoes: (forms the Triangle with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage!

Chief

Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled.

Chief, what are you doin'? You are completely off. That is not the right thing. It's not time for that!

Chief

Well-- Well, you're right Greg. I was just going by this schedule.

Well, then, your schedule is wrong, Chief. I'm sorry. (lightning flashes a second time) Excuse me! We-- We already had the Lightning Round! Listen, guys. We're havin' some kinda scheduling problem. I'm sorry. Lemme go try to work this out. I'll be right back.

I think ACME's ready to spring a trap on you.

Geez, I'd better stop... (sniffs) ...sniffin' around here, then.

Take the network to a Spanish town on the Mediterranean Sea. It's where artist Pablo Picasso was born. You can hole up in the Gibralfaro, an ancient Moorish castle.

Gee, that's great! A TV network, a castle? Hoo-hoo! I'm travelin' in style! I wanna be as famous as Michael Jackson. Hee.

You're gonna be as busted as Michael Milton if you don't move your tail.

Chief

Greg?

Yes?

Chief

There's mustard on your sleeve.

No kidding. (rubs his sleeve) Oh, gee. Sorry about that. I'll take care of that later on. Okay, thanks, Chief.

Chief

Greg, didn't I tell you to get this road flattened?

Sorry, Chief. I've been busy trainin' Gumshoes.

(before the Jailtime Challenge) You guys were tied at the end of the last round. We flipped a coin. Antonio, you won that toin coss. Toin coss? That cossed toin. You won. (laughter) You're gonna go first. Go ahead.

(each time Shoeprints are revealed) Near Scott's house!

(on his own) 1 mile from my house!

(each time the Australian Broadcasting Corporation is revealed)

(when Antonio wins the 2nd round) Wonder Rat! TOUCHÉ!

Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playing music by Kenny G. Get Carmen in here before I freak out! She scooted to (continent).

Robocrook Unit-059 calling. The judge threw the wrench at Robocrook. I'm sentenced to 20 years as a jailhouse soda machine. Get Carmen to help. You'll find her in (continent).

This prison gym is terrible. I can only bench press 1000 pounds. Make Carmen bring me more weight. You'll find her in (continent).

(same as season 3)

Prison life is so uncivilized. 600 rooms and not a room service menu in sight. Tell Carmen this is more than I can bear. She went to (continent).

(same as season 3)

Now that I'm in prison, I'll get really famous. They want me on Current Copy, Inside Affair, and Hard Edition. Tell Carmen to cut a deal. You'll find her in (continent).

92 planets, 92 jail cells, My frequent prisoner miles are really adding up. I'll give Carmen a free trip to Roddenberry. Go find her in (continent).

(same as season 3)

(same as season 3)

Chief

This is Wonder Rat.

(singing) Wonder Rat

Chief

A human vermin dressed as a rodent vermin who works for that UVA vermin, Carmen Sandiego. His last known whereabouts: Kourou, French Guiana. The South American jungle seems an unlikely site for the world's busiest rocket launching center, but that's just what you'll find at Kourou. You see, the Earth rotates faster near the equator, so Ariane rockets, launched from Kourou, benefit from that extra speed. The payloads on most Ariane rockets are satellites used by television, businesses, and governments. Nearly 70% of the world's commercial satellites are now launched at this European Bat Space Center. But that rocket center got rocked today when Wonder Rat copped on the scene. First, that hooligan hotwired an Ariane, then he counted down and blasted off, whisking his whiskers and lifting the launch center up into outer space. Now that orbiting lowlife is high above Earth deploring his own RATSAT and space station. Gumshoes, bring down that rodent and crack today's case...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...COUNTDOWNER!

Now that I'm in prison, I'll get really famous. They'll want me on Current Copy, Inside Affair and Hard Edition. Tell Carmen to cut a deal. You'll find her in North America.

These prison clothes offend my unique sense of fashion. Isn't my right to wear plaid in the Constitution? Carmen is in (Continent). Tell her to get me a lawyer.

Know why they call me Wonder Rat? 'Cause it's a wonder that I'd rat on my own boss. (giggles) Carmen scooted to (Continent). Go get her.

I just got back from the prison laundry, and they mixed colors and whites in the same wash! (cries) I can't stand it anymore! Go find Carmen in (Continent). Tell her to help me.

A virus has infected my system software. It causes me to divulge Carmen's location. You'll find her in (Continent). Please, don't say that I sent you.

Prison sports are really fun. I get used as a frisbee, a dartboard, and a second base. Carmen should see me play, but she's in (Continent). Go find her.

Aw, man! This prison life is bogus. The guards just confiscated my tattoos. Carmen's gotta spring me, but she's in (Continent). Go find her.

This prison food is so dreadfully boring, I can't even get a jar of Grey Poupon. Maybe Carmen could help, but she's in (Continent). Go find her.

We were partners in crime. We should be cellmates in jail, but the warden wants to split up this dream team. Carmen's laying low in (Continent). Tell her she's gotta help.

(coughs) Prison life is so disgusting, I can't believe I have to live in a place this clean. (coughs) Carmen's hiding in (Continent). (snorts) Go tell her to spring me. (sneezes)

I thought maybe I take some classes while I was in jail, but the warden says they don't have a nursery school. I need Carmen to help me, but she's in (Continent). Go get her.

(as clowns) Help!

Chief

This is Wonder Rat.

(singing): Wonder Rat

Chief

A wannabe fat cat dressed like a rat with a brain the size of a gnat. His last known whereabouts: South America. High in the Andes Mountains of Peru, the mighty Amazon River begins its 4,000 mile trek across the rainforests of South America. Along the way, hundreds of rivers feed its rush to the Atlantic coast of Brazil where it empties more water into the ocean than any other river in the world. The Amazon basin is home to countless plant and animals species, most of which we know little or nothing about. But many we have studied provide valuable medicine and knowledge. Or they did until today...

(singing): Oh, no!

Chief

...when Wonder Rat brazenly breezed into Brazil with a king-sized pump of an industrial strength hose. He switched on his chunk pump, drained the entire Amazon, then whisked the water away. Now, he's using it to fill his big cheese pool. Too bad that ratface forgot that piranhas like rodents as snacks. Gumshoes, grab him before the fish do and solve today's case...

(singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...A RODENT RAN THROUGH IT!

Know why they call me Wonder Rat? 'Cause it's a wonder that I'd rat on my own boss! (giggles) Carmen scooted to North America. Go get her.

Chief

This is Lynne Thigpen for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage!