Kneemoi quotes from Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Gee, another amazing Earth concept. Jail! I must show this to Carmen. Look for her in (continent).

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's troop of tricky transgressors has struck again. This time, they pilfered a peak between Nepal and Tibet. The Himalayan Mountains are home to nine of the world's ten tallest peaks, and the highest of them all is Mount Everest. Named after British surveyor Sir George Everest, this mountain's 29,028-foot height is the ultimate challenge for climbers. Recorded attempts to reach the top of Mount Everest began in 1921, but it wasn't done until 1953 by Sir Edmund Hillary, an Englishman who was once a beekeeper, and Tenzing Norgay of the Sherpas, a people native to the Himalaya. But now, the sight of this towering peak is a gaping crater. Kneemoi, Carmen's space-trucking troublemaker, has stolen Mount Everest. She says her planet Roddenberry needs a ski resort. Your mission, gumshoes: evict Kneemoi from Everest, return the peak to its place, and then bring Carmen Sandiego to justice.

Chief

(after Kneemoi's profile) She's an extra sneaky, extra crafty, extra extraterrestrial.

Okay, Gumshoes. For our next clue, we turn to ACME Celeb Net agent LeVar Burton. LeVar, what's the latest?

Greg, I've tracked some tricky aliens around the galaxy, but no one as slippery as Kneemoi. She has stashed Mt. Everest in a trench. Not a land trench. This one's on the ocean. Located in the North Pacific, it forms one of the deepest parts of any ocean on earth. It's about 7 miles down, so if Kneemoi put Everest on the bottom, its peak would be about a mile and a half below the water's surface. Wow, that's what I call being in over your head. Go get 'em.

'Kay, thanks a lot, LeVar.

Head for a town on the California coast. It was a setting for John Steinbeck's great novel Cannery Row.

Canary Row? He wrote about little birds in cages?

Not canaries. Canneries! Factories where they put fish into cans. Steinbeck wrote about the poor homeless men who worked in them, but the place has changed a lot. The canneries are gone and some of the most expensive real estate on earth is nearby.

Oh. Just one more question.

What?

How did the fish breathe inside those little cans?

(coughs) This jail cell is awful! (snorts) No matter where I stand, I'm never more than 12 feet away from the soap. (coughs) And it's all Carmen's fault! Go get her in (Continent). (coughs)

Robocrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in (Continent).

I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in (Continent).

Darn that Carmen! I've gone from Salesman of the Century to starchin' socks in the prison laundry. I'm climbin' down the ladder of success. Look for Carmen in (Continent).

Uh-oh. If Carmen finds out I'm in jail again, I'll get fired for sure. Do me a favor and don't mention that you caught me when you're chasing her through (Continent).

Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playing Michael Bolton tapes. Get Carmen in here! She'll make 'em stop! She scooted to (Contient).

All right! Now I can sell my prison memoirs and make a zillion! Get Carmen in here so she can make me a publishin' deal. She's hidin' out in (Continent)

Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in (Continent).

That Carmen's a party pooper. We've been in jail for 17 seconds already, and she hasn't even visited yet! Look for her in (Continent).

Chief

And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's spaced out space fund.

(singing) Kneemoi

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Borneo, the world's third largest island. All societies have their own art forms and Borneo's Kayan, Kenyah, and Iban peoples are no exception. They practice the art of tattooing for generations. That's right, tattoos are not something your older sister thought up to scare your mom. They date back thousands of years to hundreds of different cultures. Not all of Borneo's people wear tattoos, but those who do take pride in their skin art. Or they did until today when Kneemoi skinned the tattoos away without a trace. She thinks they'd make great road maps on her home planet Roddenberry. Gumshoes, you've got to nail Kneemoi, catch Carmen, and stop...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...the TATTOO SNAFU!

Kneemoi, take the tattoos to another rainforest in an African country on the equator. Many people there believe in magic.

Ah, yes. Even we aliens admired his basketball prowess.

Not Magic Johnson. Magic. You know, people turning into animals, that sort of thing. Lots of citizens follow a religion called Bwiti. It combines some Catholic rituals brought by French settlers with the magical belief of the original people.

Where should I hide out?

Go to Libreville on the Atlantic coast until the pressure's off.

Okay, boss. Remember, keep your sleeves bon shiny.

(as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to the Mississippi River) Okay, guys, uh, remember, it's time for us now to go the Mississippi River. We're gonna try to find Kneemoi and the tattoos. You guys all ready to go?

Yeah.

Yep.

Chief

Uh, Greg? I got some information for us.

Yeah, Chief?

Chief

Time for us to get a move on!

Okay. We're goin' (shakes the screen as he holds it upside-down) Something is definitely the matter with this. Okay.

Want me to take your hat?

If you would take the hat please, and if you go out this way. I'll be-- You guys have a shoetree 'cause I forgot to pack mine. I wanna just make sure. I could borrow yours then? Great. (while traveling) Carmen can't outrun us while we're in this, Chief.

Chief

Yeah, but she'll probably see us coming.

Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in Europe.

Chief

And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's polymorphous pilferer from the planet Roddenberry.

(singing) Kneemoi

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Mongolia and China. You want to know about dry, I'll tell you about dry. The Gobi is the world's largest desert, that's dry. It's in the center of Asia, so it's extra far from ocean waters and the mountain ranges surrounding the Gobi keep moist air from getting in, now we're talking dry here. The thin grasslands, on the outskirts of the desert called steps, only get about 10 inches of rain a year. Now how's that for dry? Well, today, Kneemoi sucked up every last grain of the Gobi. She had a light dinner today, so she decided to follow it with a big desert. Gumshoes, you've got to crack today's case...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...GOBI GO BYE BYE or the DESERT DESERTION!

ACME's eyeing your location.

That's okay! I have more eyes than they have!

You'd better move anyway. Go to the United States. Take the desert to a landlocked state where the Red River forms its southern border. This state has the largest Native American population in the USA. Hide the Gobi in the Arbuckle mountains.

Hide the Gobi? (chuckles) I haven't played that since high school!

Chief

And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's evil extraterrestrial associate.

(singing) Kneemoi

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Chicago, Illinois. Chicago style blues was popularized by performers like Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf, and Willie Dixon, most of whom were former southerners. Blues music began in the south when African-American musician forged the styles from the spirituals, work songs, and ballads of the 19th century. Today in Chicago, you can still hear great blues musicians crank out the tunes. Stars like Buddy Guy, Koko Taylor, and Sunnyland Slim. Or you could until today when Kneemoi hit the Southside to take in some tunes. When Kneemoi gets into the music, she really gets into the music. She liked it so much she took it with her when she left. Gumshoes, you've got to stop the sad sound of...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...THE LOSIN' THE BLUES BLUES!

Carmen, The blues are so depressing. Why don't people sing the "pinks" instead?

Why don't you move instead of talking? Head for Haifa in a middle east nation where many soviet Jews have relocated.

Ah, like me! I relocated into Earth run, run and barring.

There's a big difference. The Jewish people move to seek a better life through religious freedom and honest work.

And I move to seek easy life through burglary and bleeding the bugology blues.

Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playing music by Kenny G. Get Carmen in here before I freak out! She scooted to (continent).

Robocrook Unit-059 calling. The judge threw the wrench at Robocrook. I'm sentenced to 20 years as a jailhouse soda machine. Get Carmen to help. You'll find her in (continent).

This prison gym is terrible. I can only bench press 1000 pounds. Make Carmen bring me more weight. You'll find her in (continent).

(same as season 3)

Prison life is so uncivilized. 600 rooms and not a room service menu in sight. Tell Carmen this is more than I can bear. She went to (continent).

(same as season 3)

Now that I'm in prison, I'll get really famous. They want me on Current Copy, Inside Affair, and Hard Edition. Tell Carmen to cut a deal. You'll find her in (continent).

92 planets, 92 jail cells, My frequent prisoner miles are really adding up. I'll give Carmen a free trip to Roddenberry. Go find her in (continent).

(same as season 3)

(same as season 3)

Chief

This is Kneemoi.

(singing) Kneemoi

Chief

A spaced out space cadet in charge of intergalactic hijinks for Carmen Sandiego. Her last known whereabouts: Mexico's Gulf Coast. From about 1200 to 400 BC, the ancient culture of the Olmecs flourished in this region. As Middle America's first organized society, the Olmecs developed math, religion, a system of writing, and they built monumental structures. Among the discovered Olmec artifacts are giant stone heads from 5 to 11 feet tall. The heads were carved without the use of metal tools and are believed to be portraits of prominent Olmec leaders. But today, those carved craniums headed out of town. Nefarious Kneemoi dropped in, copped the head, then copted them back to Roddenberry. Gumshoes, you got to end Kneemoi's lesson in...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...HOW TO GET A HEAD IN CRIME!

92 planets, 92 jail cells! My frequent prisoner miles are really adding up! I'll give Carmen a free trip to Roddenberry. Go find her in North America.

These prison clothes offend my unique sense of fashion. Isn't my right to wear plaid in the Constitution? Carmen is in (Continent). Tell her to get me a lawyer.

Know why they call me Wonder Rat? 'Cause it's a wonder that I'd rat on my own boss. (giggles) Carmen scooted to (Continent). Go get her.

I just got back from the prison laundry, and they mixed colors and whites in the same wash! (cries) I can't stand it anymore! Go find Carmen in (Continent). Tell her to help me.

A virus has infected my system software. It causes me to divulge Carmen's location. You'll find her in (Continent). Please, don't say that I sent you.

Prison sports are really fun. I get used as a frisbee, a dartboard, and a second base. Carmen should see me play, but she's in (Continent). Go find her.

Aw, man! This prison life is bogus. The guards just confiscated my tattoos. Carmen's gotta spring me, but she's in (Continent). Go find her.

This prison food is so dreadfully boring, I can't even get a jar of Grey Poupon. Maybe Carmen could help, but she's in (Continent). Go find her.

We were partners in crime. We should be cellmates in jail, but the warden wants to split up this dream team. Carmen's laying low in (Continent). Tell her she's gotta help.

(coughs) Prison life is so disgusting, I can't believe I have to live in a place this clean. (coughs) Carmen's hiding in (Continent). (snorts) Go tell her to spring me. (sneezes)

I thought maybe I take some classes while I was in jail, but the warden says they don't have a nursery school. I need Carmen to help me, but she's in (Continent). Go get her.

Chief

This is Kneemoi

(singing): Kneemoi

Chief

She's robbed 52 planets in 12 dimensions, but is so darn cute it's beyond comprehension. Her last known whereabouts: China. On any given morning in China, you'll see people in gardens, parks, and on rooftops performing a series of curious looking stretches. These exercises called Tai Chi Chuan are a workout for both the mind and body. Tai Chi movements with unusual names like storks, spreads, wings, and bend bow, and shoot tiger require a good deal of strength and great concentration. The Chinese consider Tai Chi a kind of medicine and believe it helps prevent or cure illness. At least they believed it until today...

(singing): Crime!

Chief

...when Kneemoi made a surprise visit to China. She saw all that balance and discipline and decided she wanted some too. Using the Roddenberrian mind meld which kind of tickles, she burgled everyones brain and removed all knowledge of Tai Chi from their heads. Now, no one's got the moves but Kneemoi. Gumshoes, you've got to unravel the riddle of today's case...

(singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo

The Chief

...LEARNED KNEEMOI!

I want you to do some time traveling, Kneemoi.

Ooh, you mean like going back to the future?

No, like going across time zones. North America is divided into 10 of them and each zone usually means a one hour difference in time. Hide in Alberta province where it's one hour earlier than in a central time zone.

You earthlings are too hung up on time. When you're talking light-years, an hour doesn't make any difference.

Well, no one cared much how time was measured until the railroads came along. Then time had to be standardized so trains could keep to a schedule.

Now, that gives me a fun idea. Why don't I steal the time zone? (laughs)

(Each time the Tai Chi Chuan is revealed in the 2nd Round):

Prison sports are really fun! I get used as a Frisbee, a dartboard, and a second base! Carmen should see me play. But she's in South America. Go find her.

Chief

This is Kneemoi.

(singing) Kneemoi

Chief

Often mistaken for a UFO, she takes her earthly loot to go. Her last known whereabouts: Southeast Alaska. There were once many villages of Tlingit and Haida people in this region, but many were abandoned long ago. Luckily, Totem Bight State Historical Park preserved the traditions of those early villages and the artistic skills of their residence with authentic totem poles and a clan house. Original carving and painting techniques were used to craft the totem poles, and the replica clan house shows how 30 to 50 people might have lived together. Since 1959, Totem Bight Park has helped keep-alive local native cultures. Or it did until today...

(singing) Ooh!

Chief

...when Kneemoi went aloft in Alaska and descended to tackle a totem. She whirred through the park like a buzzsaw, toting off totems by the pound. In fact, she's even morphed herself to look like one. Now she's parading the pilfered poles on planet Roddenberry. Gumshoes, retake Totem Bight and solve today's case...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...TOTEM BITES BACK!

You know, Chief, the background music is fun, but, um, I'm just not sure that it's us. You know what I mean?

Chief

You know, I think you're right.

Yeah.

Chief

You know, I kind of miss good ol' Rockapella. You got it. They're a little goofy, but they did get the job done.

I agree completely. Totally.

Chief

Speaking of getting the job done...

All right, Chief. Uh, boys, you wanna sing me out, please? (Rockapella sing the show's theme song and Greg dances out of the office, while the Chief dances along).

Virgin of Carmen Festival.

Virgin of Carmen Festival. (Shoeprints are revealed)

(sings to the tune of their theme song) Ooh-wah! The virgin, ooh-wah!

Inca Trail. (Shoeprints are revealed)

Elliot's been there!

Oh, is that right?

Prison sports are really fun! I get used as a Frisbee, a dartboard, and a second base! Carmen should see me play. But she's in Asia. Go find her.