Robo quotes from Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

The probabilities of your capture of Carmen will be accelerated if I supply you with pertinent information. Look for her in (the United States/South America/Europe/Africa/Asia).

RoboCrook in jail? Carmen's still free? Illogical. Does not compute. Look for Carmen in (continent). (Version A)

It really burns my fuses that Carmen is still free. To find her, scan (continent). (Version B)

Chief

Greg?

Yeah, Chief?

Chief

In my office right away.

Okay. Uh, I'll be right there. You guys stick here. Lemme find out what she wants. (laughs) My mentor calls. (enters the office where the Chief has grown two faces)

Chief

Oh, Greg, the investigation is starting to worry me. Now, Carmen Sandiego is--

Chief.

Chief

Don't interrupt. Carmen Sandiego is being extra tricky.

Chief.

Chief

Now, if-- All right, what is it?

Chief, it's your face. Uh, there's one more than usual.

Chief

Well, I was getting to that.

Okay. All right.

Chief

Now, if we're gonna crack this case, we'll need as many pairs of eyes as possible. So, I've grown an extra face and I suggest you do the same.

That seems a little extreme to me, Chief. Uh, there's gotta be a better way. Uh, I know, we could offer the gumshoes a trip to anywhere in the lower 48 states. That'll get 'em to catch Carmen Sandiego. (applause)

Chief

Oh, well, say, well, that should do it. Well, I guess I don't need this anymore then.

I don't think so.

Chief

(pushes her two faces back together as one) Oh.

Okay. Good move, Chief. I tell ya, (laughs) that two face thing was freaky. I mean, whoa, whoa, whoa! That was weird. I mean, they were nice faces and don't look at me wrong. But that is distracting--

Chief

Go away.

Yes, ma'am. Okay. (exits the office)

I'm running out of ideas.

Have you ever had one? Set your course for a British crown colony in the Windward Islands.

Why there?

You can hide your arch in the mountains, but watch out. They're volcanic. There're steaming vents and pools of boiling water I wouldn't want you to rust.

You're so thoughtful, Carmen.

If I didn't watch out for you, who would?

(after Ali finds the Loot, the Warrant, and Robo in the right order on the very first try) Man alive! I've never seen that done before! That is amazing!

Okay, for our next clue then, Jessica, you may find this one particularly well. We have our next clue coming in from a person who taught M.C. Hammer everything he knows. Take it away, Nana Rap!

(laughs) You're such a nice young man. I'd be happy to do some chill slammin' and jammin' for ya. Hit it! (rock music plays)

Nana Rap, ladies and gentlemen!

Robo, those ACME agents have found you. Head for an Asian country that was part of French Indochina.

Please specify. This description fits more than one nation.

Very good, Solderhead. Just testing your memory banks. Go to the city of Vientiane. You'll get there in time for Bun Bang Fai. That's the rocket festival.

Destination acknowledged, but what is the purpose of this festival?

It's a wild celebration to kick off the rainy season, so don't forget your rust proofing. Now, get going.

Chief

Ah. Coins and fountains. You know, that reminds me of a story. Once, there was a little girl whose only wish was to grow up and be a law enforcement official. Now, if she wasn't reading detective books, she was watching detective movies. One day, the girl came across a fountain near City Hall. She closed her eyes, she took out a shiny quarter from her pocket, and she made her wish, and tossed the coin high into the air! Missed the water completely. (audience laughs) Today, she's a carpenter somewhere in Florida. Alright, gumshoes. Robocrook and the Radioscope are in Rome, Italy. Go after 'em!

Robo, those ACME agents are on to you. Head for a large industrial center in Europe.

An industrial center? Thank you, Carmen. Perhaps I can make friends with the machinery.

No social calls, Solderhead. Just hide out. It's a river valley north of Cologne.

Location acknowledged. Permission requested to seek a humanoid chess partner.

You can try, but a traditional hobby there is pigeon racing. Thousands of people do it. There's even a special pigeon hospital in the city of Essen. Now, get moving.

Gumshoes, look, I know we're still hot on the trail of Robocrook and the computer. The thing is, though--

Hot on the trail?! That's poppycock!

It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. Be back in a minute. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey, Ms. P.

You wouldn't know a hot trail if it jumped up and burned you! Robocrook's in the republic of Azerbaijan. Such a famous resort city on the Caspian Sea. It's the birthplace of Kasparov, the world chess champion. Oh, I do love gettys endgame. (laughs) Now, go round Robo! (shuts her window)

Okay. Okay. Huh. Gee, I always thought it was me she loved.

Go south of Israel along the Red Sea. I want you to head for Mecca. It's the Arab city where Mohammed was born.

Clarify. Who is Mohammed?

You tinhead. He's the founder of Islam, one of the biggest religions in the world. Stop outside of the city, though. You can't enter if you're not Muslim.

Acknowledged. When do I arrive?

In the Islamic year of 1412.

Isn't that 579 years ago?

No. In Mecca, it's right now.

Now, bad news, Gumshoes. Uh, we didn't get--

Will you knock it off down there?!

Oh, no. That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger)

I'm sick of your noise! He went here. He went there. Look on the South Pacific island of ʻEua. Just west of the International Date Line, for goodness sakes! It's close to Samoa. Now, go get him and stop making such a racket! (shuts her window)

Isn't she a sweetheart?

Made it. I've vaulted across the Atlantic to the Garden State.

Listen up. They're on to you. Hotfoot it over to the University and blend in at the game.

Game? What kind of game?

You know, football. When you get there, hide in the ivy.

But I'm not in that league.

Just do what I tell you. Leave the thinking to me.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her brood of bombastic brats have burgled again. This time, they struck in Mudgeeraba, Australia. Now this simple but ingenious device, gumshoes, is a boomerang. Now if you throw it right, it should return to you. Now the boomerang was originally used by Australia's aborigines for hunting warfare and ceremonies. Well, nowadays, it's a popular toy and a souvenir for anyone who visits down under, and this factory in Mudgeeraba, Queensland turns out thousands of them a year. Or it did until this morning when that rustbucket Robocrook marauded to Mudgeeraba and bagged every last boomerang. Gumshoes, your assignment is to wrangle Robocrook, bounce those boomerangs back where they belong, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen, ACME is closing in. Send me somewhere safe.

Head for the city of Göteborg by the North Sea. It's in a country where peace and safety are a way of life. It's in the nation of Doug Hammershald, who founded the UN Peacekeeping Force in the middle east.

So, it's peaceful, but is it safe?

Violence is a no-no. It's even illegal for parents to spank their children.

So, the Gumshoes can't spank me?

No, but they can still bust you. Keep out of sight.

Robocrook transmitting from a correctional institute. Carmen Sandiego presently located in South America. Ta-ta.

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's mob of mendacious mutants has struck again. This time, they dipped their duplicitous ditches in San Antonio, Texas. In 1836, the Alamo was a site of an epic battle during Texas' war for independence from Mexico. For 12 long days, about 190 Texans held off an attack by thousands of Mexican soldiers. But on the 13th day, the Alamo was stormed and the Texan defenders were killed. When we say "Remember the Alamo," it's their brave fight we recall. But now, this Texas landmark is just a memory because the Alamo has disappeared. Robocrook, that pile of pilfering processes, stormed San Antonio, lassoed the Alamo, then hauled it away. Your mission, gumshoes: short circuit Robocrook, return the Alamo to Texas, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Robo, the gumshoes are after you. Head for a country just south of Chad.

Orders acknowledged. Will I encounter communication problems, due to numerous tribal languages?

Not here. There're more than 80 different ethnic groups living together, but many speak a common language called Sango.

Ah, good. I've learned Sango in high school. Could you suggest a location for food?

Of course. Try the restaurant in the city of Bangui. You'll find everything from cooked monkeys to warthogs.

Just a nice simple dish of axle grease would suffice.

(each time the Alamo is revealed)

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego's failance of felonious flimflammers has struck again. This time, They've pinched a plane in Vietnam. Ho Chi Minh City, still widely known by its former name Saigon, is home to Vietnam's Military Museum. The museum is a tribute to victory after a long history of occupation. This Southeast Asian country outlasted four major military powers: China, Japan, France, and the U.S.A., finally unifying in 1976 when the last Americans left. One of the Military Museum's proudest showpieces is a captured F-5 Freedom Fighter Jet, complete with a loaded 20-millimeter nose gun. Well, the gun is gone, guys, and so is the plane. It's attached to Robocrook. Carmen's mechanical marauder crept into the cockpit, revved the engines, and took off. Your mission, gumshoes: deplane Robocrook, return the jet to Ho Chi Minh City, and then capture Carmen Sandiego.

Chief, what's with the fruit here?

Chief

Greg, is this one of your practical jokes?

No, Chief! No way! You made me promise, no more practical jokes after that disaster with the hair dryer and the 9 ferrets.

Chief

Ooh! Then it must be Carmen Sandiego who's behind this! (laughs like a maniac) Well! If this is the way she wants it, I'm going to fight fire with fire!

Or melons with melons!

Robo, those ACME agents are closing in. Head for an African capital located on a large river called the Zaire.

Affirmative. It's in a country that's also called Zaire. Was the river named after the country?

No, it's the other way around. Zaire is the Portuguese version of a Kikongo word that means large river.

So, the country called Large River is on a large river that's called Large River? That is very logical. What is the meaning of Kikongo?

It's one of the national languages spoken in Zaire, but the official language is French because it was once a Belgian colony.

Orders received. I'm on my way.

(each time the Freedom Fighter Jet is revealed in the 2nd round)

WHOA!!! WHOA!!! Oh, my goodness!

(singing) Robocrook! YOU'VE WON!! (sings their fanfare)

(races to Ricky, pushing him back to his podium) Wait! Wait! (laughs) Go back and... some of this! (Ricky finishes getting confetti) There you go. Now come over here. (he and Ricky walk up to the chain)

Chief

This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: We're on the case like fleas on Lassie, with better ratings than Degrassi.

(coughs) This jail cell is awful! (snorts) No matter where I stand, I'm never more than 12 feet away from the soap. (coughs) And it's all Carmen's fault! Go get her in (Continent). (coughs)

Robocrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in (Continent).

I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in (Continent).

Darn that Carmen! I've gone from Salesman of the Century to starchin' socks in the prison laundry. I'm climbin' down the ladder of success. Look for Carmen in (Continent).

Uh-oh. If Carmen finds out I'm in jail again, I'll get fired for sure. Do me a favor and don't mention that you caught me when you're chasing her through (Continent).

Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playing Michael Bolton tapes. Get Carmen in here! She'll make 'em stop! She scooted to (Contient).

All right! Now I can sell my prison memoirs and make a zillion! Get Carmen in here so she can make me a publishin' deal. She's hidin' out in (Continent)

Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in (Continent).

That Carmen's a party pooper. We've been in jail for 17 seconds already, and she hasn't even visited yet! Look for her in (Continent).

Chief

And this is Robocrook, Carmen Sandiego's silvery cylinder of slyness.

(singing) Robocrook

Chief

His last known whereabouts: Kazakhstan. The Baikonur Cosmodrome is the huge complex where Soviet rockets were built and launched. Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, blasted off from Baikonur in 1961. Over time, the cosmodrome sent up over 800 rockets. The countries of the former U.S.S.R. want to continue their space program, but they're searching for a partner to share the program's expense. That search was interrupted today when Robocrook boosted Baikonur and blasted off. Gumshoes, you got to capture Carmen, recoup the cosmodrome, and derail that...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...RUDE ROBOT'S RECKLESS, RIDICULOUS ROCKET RIPOFF!

(about the Clue-Fish) I gotta get rid of the fish here. (to the audience) You guys want me to... You want me to save it, or d'you want me to fry it?

(chant) FRY IT! FRY IT! FRY IT! FRY IT!

Oh, no-no-no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey! Hey! Hey! He's my buddy! I'm gonna save him! C'mon! (he throws the fish into the water) Sorry about that, audience!

Go to an ocean community off Africa's northwest coast. It's made up of 13 islands.

Which one is my destination?

Try Gomera. The locals sometimes speak a whistle language called Silbo. You know how to speak Silbo, don't you?

Sure. Just put your lips together, and blow.

Gomera was the last place Columbus visited before leaving for the New World. Legend says he was delayed because he fell in love.

You humans are hopelessly romantic.

At least we don't rust when it rains.

Chief

Boy, this is the way to travel, eh, Greg?

You said, Chief. Hey, pass the complimentary mixed nuts, huh?

Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playing music by Kenny G. Get Carmen in here before I freak out! She scooted to (continent).

Robocrook Unit-059 calling. The judge threw the wrench at Robocrook. I'm sentenced to 20 years as a jailhouse soda machine. Get Carmen to help. You'll find her in (continent).

This prison gym is terrible. I can only bench press 1000 pounds. Make Carmen bring me more weight. You'll find her in (continent).

(same as season 3)

Prison life is so uncivilized. 600 rooms and not a room service menu in sight. Tell Carmen this is more than I can bear. She went to (continent).

(same as season 3)

Now that I'm in prison, I'll get really famous. They want me on Current Copy, Inside Affair, and Hard Edition. Tell Carmen to cut a deal. You'll find her in (continent).

92 planets, 92 jail cells, My frequent prisoner miles are really adding up. I'll give Carmen a free trip to Roddenberry. Go find her in (continent).

(same as season 3)

(same as season 3)

Chief

This is Robocrook.

(singing) Robocrook

Chief

He's synthetic. He's magnetic. But most of all, he's pathetic. His last known whereabouts: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Greater Pittsburgh's Kennywood Amusement Park has been called the roller coaster capital of the world. If you want a fast reason why, check out the Steel Phantom. In 1991, the Steel Phantom opened at the world's biggest and fastest roller coaster. It hits speed at 80 miles an hour and plunges over 200 feet off a cliff, guaranteed to make you scream your lungs out. Using computers and the latest poster technology, the Steel Phantom includes a vertical loop, a boomerang configuration, and a partial corkscrew, guaranteed to make me lose my lunch. But if you really wanna get queasy, check out what happened today. Robocreep coasted into Kennywood, then rocked the rails, and zapped the tracks from under the Phantom. After finishing the filch with his magnetic amusement moocher, that tinhead reopened the ride at his Robocoaster theme park. Gumshoes, find that phantom and solve today's case...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...STEEL FELON STEALS STEEL PHANTOM!

(after the office segment) You know, I gotta tell you, it's kinda embarassing having two grown people actin' like that about a silly little dog movie. (laughs) ("Frou-Frou" starts barking) (runs back to the office) FROU-FROU!!! FROU-FROU!!!

Get that coaster rolling to the capital of Morocco. Look for Couscous and Harira.

Those words are not in my database.

They're Arabic words from Morocco's spicy soups and stews. People there also eat Pigeon Pie and salads with liver and lamb brains.

Those foods are not in my database.

Robo, not everyone thinks gear oil is fine dining. People have different tastes. Some Moroccans have different table manners, too. They think metal utensils taste bad and carry germs, so they eat with their fingers, instead.

Carmen, what will I do? My fingers are metal utensils.

(as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Kathmandu Valley, Nepal) Thank you, Buddy. Okay, guys, time for us to go to Kathmandu Valley--

Chief

Greg!

Yes?

Chief

Oh, Greg, watch out! You're wiping your jacket on my nose!

I'm sorry! Gee whiz. Okay, guys, ready to go? You got the hat. You got the door. I got the Chief. We are on our way to Kathmandu.

Chief

(while traveling) Greg, if we could ski on this, we can ski on anything.

Good thing, Chief. The hot lava fields are just ahead.

RoboCrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in South America.