Mrs. Pumpkinclanger quotes from Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Okay, guys. It looks like the Double Trouble twins have now just... They've left the country. They boogied completely outta the picture.

Says who?!

Oh, it's you. Uh... Wait a minute. Wait a second!

What are these fake plastic fingers ya have on here?!

Hey! Hey! What are you...?! Stop that! How... How come... How come you get to have all the fun? How come I don't ever get to have any of the fun?!

Hey, hey. Hey! Hey, hey! Hey!! HEY!!! Listen. We're in the middle of a criminal investigation here. Now, STOP IT!!

Oh. Okay. I'm sorry, Greg.

Chief

Greg, some things are meant to be. Grass is meant to be green. Water is meant to be wet. Carmen Sandiego is meant to be in jail! And she's out there loose, for a while, she's been there, and, well, things have started to go haywire!

Ready for another party, boys?

Geez, we’re always ready, Carmen.

Good. I want you to head down the peninsula from Tijuana to Ensenada.

Well, what’s the occasion?

The start of a famous international off-road race. Hundreds of drivers race all kinds of vehicles across the desert.

We’re rollin’!

Would you stop that infernal R-R-R-R-R-RACKET?!!

My upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger's window) Hey, Mrs. P.!

You're noisier than those party fellows! I could hear they're going one halfway across the country last night. They were in Shreveport, at the Holiday-In-Dixie Festival, eating crawfish gumbo. Now, go catch those hooligans, and leave me in peace! (shuts her window)

Thanks a lot. Thank you!

Chief

This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, and remember, we solve cases, we deliver; ACME sends crooks up the river!

Uh-oh. I think we're-- Think we're getting some cosmic interference here. (tunes up the monitor) Lemme see. It must be our, uh-- Our spirit gumshoe, Crystal.

What's up, Gumshoes? I'm flying first class on the Astral plane. I'm getting vile visions from the brain of the brute. I see 19,000,000 people in one big city. Spanish people. Indian. Mestizos. It used to be the center of the Aztec Empire. Wow! This must be what Eartha's looking for. Azteca Stadium! Oops! My signal's fading. Hasta luego!

See ya, Crystal. Thanks a lot.

I still can't find a stadium big enough to hold my games.

Take the torch to one of my favorite capitals in eastern Europe, home to great writers like Kafka. Great composers like Dvořák. Great--

Uh, Carmen, what about my games?

Ah, yes. Your games. Well, the world's largest open stadium is located there. And while you're at it, try to hire Martina Navratilova. She was born in this city.

Who's she?

The tennis champion. One of the biggest money winners in women's sports. Don't you read the paper?

Only the comics.

I've had enough of this!

Must be our upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Punpkinclanger. Hi, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger.

That bruiser has gone to the Highland games on the Isle of Skye. She's tossing about a 15 foot tree trunk called a caber. Now, cease your incessant meandering and go apprehend her.

Thanks. Thanks. Great hair. Love your hair.

Davs.

Good day.

That means "hi".

And "good day".

...In the country where you wanna go.

It's made up of over 400 islands in the North and Baltic Seas.

It's capital is Copenhagen.

I hope you get there on Queen Margrethe's Birthday. When that happens, there's...

No school! All right!

Robo, those ACME agents are on to you. Head for a large industrial center in Europe.

An industrial center? Thank you, Carmen. Perhaps I can make friends with the machinery.

No social calls, Solderhead. Just hide out. It's a river valley north of Cologne.

Location acknowledged. Permission requested to seek a humanoid chess partner.

You can try, but a traditional hobby there is pigeon racing. Thousands of people do it. There's even a special pigeon hospital in the city of Essen. Now, get moving.

Gumshoes, look, I know we're still hot on the trail of Robocrook and the computer. The thing is, though--

Hot on the trail?! That's poppycock!

It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. Be back in a minute. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey, Ms. P.

You wouldn't know a hot trail if it jumped up and burned you! Robocrook's in the republic of Azerbaijan. Such a famous resort city on the Caspian Sea. It's the birthplace of Kasparov, the world chess champion. Oh, I do love gettys endgame. (laughs) Now, go round Robo! (shuts her window)

Okay. Okay. Huh. Gee, I always thought it was me she loved.

Those Gumshoes are on to you. Take the Forbidden City to Basse Terre. That's a city in the French West Indies.

Well, gee, Carmen, we're not sure just where that is.

It's on twin islands with one name.

Just like us. Cool.

You'll love it, guys. There're lots of resorts, and they even got a Mardi Gras festival.

We're gonna party, party, party!

Just lay low or you'll get busted, busted, busted.

Please be quiet.

It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. Come on. Let's find out. Sorry, Mrs. P.!

I'm baking a souffle. I need absolute quiet, or it will fall. Look for those nasty boys on the hills above the shores of the Ohio river. You'll find the Bengals at Riverfront Stadium. Now, I must get back to my souffle. Shh. (shuts her window)

Thanks a lot, Mrs. P.

Zip that incessant chatter down there!

Oh, goody. It's our upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (laughs as he enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger)

I'm sick to death of your tiresome meanderings. Grunge has taken the speedway to the Amalfi Drive. A beautiful and treacherous mountain road. He's headed for a city near there. It's just west of Pompeii. The ancient Roman town that was destroyed by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. Now, go find him, and leave me in peace! (she shuts her window)

(waves goodbye) Thank you. Gosh, she's so sweet, isn't she?

Grunger, they're on to you, but I've got a surprise. Take the speedway to some islands where there aren't any roads.

No roads, Carmen? (coughs) Don't the people there drive?

That's my surprise, fumeface. They're uninhabited. So, there's no one you can offend.

No people, Carmen? Where on earth--

I was just getting to that. These British islands are in the South Atlantic at the east end of the Scotia Sea. Just think, piston breath. You'll have that speedway to yourself.

I'm not exactly sure where Double Trouble took the Triangle.

Now you've done it!

That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (he looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger's window)

You've really done it this time. You've ruined all the maps! While you're down there being indecisive, a vital spot in New York has vanished into the Triangle! It's the spot mapmakers use to measure road miles from New York City. And now, it's just a big hole! Traffic's a nightmare on Broadway! Now, get out there and do something! (she frantically closes her window)

Jonathan Swift was a writer born in Ireland. His story about a gentle giant in the land of Lilliput has become a classic. In the story-- (Frank rings in) Frank.

The Jolly Green Giant?

I'm sorry. That's not the answer we're looking for. In the story, Jack and the Beanstalk-- Is the story Jack and the Beanstalk, Ghostbusters, or Gulliver's Travels? (Judd rings in) Judd.

Ellivle's-- Gulliver-- Gulliver's Travels.

I think we can accept that. Gulliver's Travels. Yeah. I know exactly what you're goin' through there, pal.

Those ACME agents are closing in fast. Hop into the triangle and disappear.

Geez, Carmen, we could make ACME disappear.

A lovely thought, boys, but I've got another idea. Go to an Italian city and stash the triangle in St. Mark's Square. You will have arrived just in time for the Biennale.

The Bie-what, Carmen?

The Biennale. It's a world-famous art show that happens every 2 years. Simply everyone will be there, boys. Don't miss it.

Geez, Carmen, we love those artist types; we're on our way!

(singing) Spooky Triangle!

Nice Job, You got Double Trouble. There's one more thing you gotta do now, and that's put 'em in jail. Pull this train-- cha-- trains...

This chain and do it! (Rockapella does Double Trouble's in jail tune) We normally have a train here that you pull, but we had a chain here today.

Chief

Here's the lowdown on Eartha Brute. When she's not pumping iron, she's pounding heads. Your mission, Gumshoes: Loosen Eartha's grip on the monument, return it to its rightful place, and then, capture Carmen Sandiego! Greg!

This thing's getting awful heavy.

Quit your belly-aching. ACME's closing in on you. Take the monument to Monument Valley, and hide it behind a butte.

But--

Not but. Butte. It's a giant rock formation. You'll find it in a southwestern state near the Four Corners.

But--

Butte! Butte, you Brute!

Quit your yakking and find that obelisk!

Oh, man. This is my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey. Hey, what's an obelisk?

You ninny! The Washington Monument is an obelisk. A stone monolith that tapers to a pyramid at the top. Eartha's in a country where the earliest known obelisks were erected at Abu Qir. Now, catch her and keep your nasty voices quiet! (shuts her window)

Thank you, love of my life. (blows kisses)

Oh, hold on a second. I-- Well-- You wanna get it?

Yes.

Okay, go ahead. (Russell pulls out the phone) Yeah, just pull it out, there. All right.

Hello? (Eartha tells Russell to go to Asia)

Go south of Israel along the Red Sea. I want you to head for Mecca. It's the Arab city where Mohammed was born.

Clarify. Who is Mohammed?

You tinhead. He's the founder of Islam, one of the biggest religions in the world. Stop outside of the city, though. You can't enter if you're not Muslim.

Acknowledged. When do I arrive?

In the Islamic year of 1412.

Isn't that 579 years ago?

No. In Mecca, it's right now.

Now, bad news, Gumshoes. Uh, we didn't get--

Will you knock it off down there?!

Oh, no. That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger)

I'm sick of your noise! He went here. He went there. Look on the South Pacific island of ʻEua. Just west of the International Date Line, for goodness sakes! It's close to Samoa. Now, go get him and stop making such a racket! (shuts her window)

Isn't she a sweetheart?

Chief

Gumshoes, Carmen Sandiego and her troop of troublesome tricksters have tried it again. This time, they crashed the Caribbean. Throughout most of the Caribbean and South America, the ancient tradition of Carnival is alive and well. The practice goes back to early days of Christianity. Just before the solemn season of Lent, everyone gets together and has one last big party. One of the best places to see the celebration of color, costume, and calypso is in Trinidad and Tobago. The people of this island nation take their fun seriously. Plans for next year's bash start almost as soon as this year's rebels have finished and all that planning and perspiration pays off in a two-day panoramic display of joy, imagination, and artistry. Or it did until Double Trouble, those pernicious party pouncers, dove into the festival and drove off with it. Gumshoes, your mission is to do in those double negatives, cruise the Carnival back to Trinidad and Tobago, and then catch Carmen Sandiego.

Dance all night and eat all day. Say no more, we're on our way!

Zip that infernal chatter!

Mrs. Pumpkinclanger obviously has a bee in her bonnet. Gotta go talk to her again. Sorry, are we buggin' you again, Ms. P?

Again?! Try "constantly"! Those terrible twins are in a festival for the birthday of the monkey god. On a small island of the tip of the Melee Peninsula. It's quite a scene. Chinese mystics who claim to be possessed by the monkey god filling good trans and pills there tongues and teeth would spill. It's all good clean fun and everyone enjoys themselves. Now, go apprehend that dreadful duo, and leave me in peace! Please!

Okay. Often wonder what Mr. Pumpkinclanger's life must be like. Haven't you?

Chief

And this is Double Trouble, Carmen's diabolical dual of do-badders.

(singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)

Chief

Their last known whereabouts: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Next to Rio's Guanabara Bay stands a towering chunk of granite rising 1,300 feet. The Indians who first lived here called the pointy isolated peak, Pot de Sucre, which means pointy isolated peak. Then the Portuguese changed it to Pâo de Açucar, or Sugarloaf. English nanny Henrietta Carstairs was the first European to scale Sugarloaf in 1817. Now hundreds of people a day take a six minute cable car ride to the peak. But no more because today, Double Trouble, engineers of mayhem, rallied through Rio, ripped off the rock, and, well, ran away. Gumshoes, you've got to catch Carmen and rustle up those...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...RIO ROCK WRANGLERS!

Now, I really do think we're gettin' close to catchin' Double Trouble. All we hafta do is contin--

Oh, you think so, do you?!

It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey, Mrs. P!

"How that red rain hath made the harvest grow", said the poet Lord Byron. He was describing a sight in the center of Belgium, where Napoleon fought his last battle in 1815 and now Double Trouble are a blight on that same sight. Uh, you know, I'm a bit of a poet myself. (shows a book) The stench of crime lies heavy upon us. Like a patient etherised upon a table and alas my downstairs neighbors are a clumsy surgeon and trusted with its cure. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good-bye. (shuts her window)

Good-bye. Thank-- Thank you very much. Thanks a lot. By the way, we have copies of her book in the lobby after the show. Okay?

If you guys don't move, you'll be in a mountain of trouble.

Where to, Carmen?

Go to the country once known as Mesopotamia. It was one of the first civilizations on earth.

Well, that was then. What's there now?

The country's capital is a big city on both banks of the Tigris River. It's also the center of industry and transportation. They're reconstructing after the damage from the Gulf War.

We're there, boss! Let's rock the Cradle of civilization!

Chief

This thing is sorta drafty, Greg. Can you close the window?

No windows, Chief. This is the economy model.