Veronica Mars quotes from Veronica Mars

Veronica

"Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always to be blest: the soul, uneasy and confined from home, rests and expatiates in a life to come."

And what do you suppose Pope meant by that?

Veronica

Life's a bitch until you die.

Weevil

Sister. The only time I care what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big old hog. Even then, it's not so much words, just a bunch of "oohs" and "ahs" you know?

Veronica

So it's big, huh?

Weevil

Legendary.

Veronica

Well , let's see it. I mean if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend. [bats eyes and gasps] We could go to prom together. What? What seems to be the problem? I'm on a schedule here, vato.

Weevil, don't let blondie talk to you like that.

Veronica

Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it too.

Oh, hell, I'll show you mine!

Felix Toombs. What on God's green Earth is going on here? All right, gentleman, move along. [Weevil, Felix and others leave] Veronica, why does trouble follow you around? [Clemmons leaves]

Logan

Hey, Veronica Mars. Do you know what your little joke cost me?

Veronica

Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.

Logan

[smashes a headlight] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?

Veronica

Clearly your sense of humor.

Logan

[smashes other headlight] Nope. And you're usually so good at pop quizzes. No, the correct answer is: my car. That's right, my Daddy took my T-bird away. And you know what I won't be having? Fun, fun, fun.

Wallace

I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from The Outsiders.

Veronica

Be cool, Sodapop.

Wallace

You think it's a conspiracy?

Veronica

This is Neptune. Nothing happens accidentally.

Veronica

Got any enemies you know about?

Wallace

Well, there's the Klan.

Veronica

This isn't really their M.O.

Wallace

Well, then I guess that leaves everybody that hates you

Keith

So, senior year. How was your first day at school honey?

Veronica

Great! I beat up a freshman, stole his lunch money and then skipped out after lunch.

Keith

What, no pre-marital sex?

Veronica

Oh, yea... yes. But don't worry dad, I swear you're gonna like these guys.

Keith

That's my girl.

Veronica

I missed you.

Keith

[While they hug] I missed you too. Now, where is my turkey pot-pie, woman?

Wallace

[after failing a drug test] Yeah, mon. Maybe I smoked so much ganja, I don't even remember doing it.

Veronica

What if you did ingest an illegal substance, but it was such a mild dose that you weren't even aware of it? Eat any mystery brownies lately?

Wallace

Spirit boxes! The day of the back to school athletic banquet, there were spirit boxes in our lockers. There weren't any brownies in there, but there were cookies.

Veronica

Did you eat one?

Wallace

I ate six.

Veronica

That's my Wallace.

Veronica

[making out with Logan] My dad is probably watching us through a telescope.

Logan

He's probably impressed with your virtue.

Veronica

[laughs] And the telescope is mounted on a rifle.

Logan

[Pauses, then looks up to where Keith is supposedly watching, with rifle, and holds up his hand, fingers spread] Five more minutes. [Veronica giggles] He should feel lucky. I mean, you could be out here with some pretty boy jerk just looking to get laid.

Veronica

Wait, what are you saying? You aren't pretty?

Logan

What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you.

Veronica

The things guys'll say to get past second base.

Keith

What's up, honey?

Veronica

Wallace is having a little trouble giving me a urine sample.

Keith

Can't you talk on the phone and paint your nails like other girls?

Veronica

This is a health class project. Come on, you're a man -- can you give him some pointers?

Keith

[sighs, walks over to bathroom door] Wallace?

Wallace

Yup?

Keith

You try turning the water on?

Wallace

Mmmm-hmmm.

Keith

Also, pinching your own nipples can sometimes work.

Veronica

[pushes her dad out of the room] Eww that's disgusting. I can't even look at you. [giggles]

Veronica

Hey Dad!

Keith

Yeah honey.

Veronica

If I know the name of a business how do I find out the names of its' shareholders?

Keith

You get the strangest homework in health class.

Jackie

[clears throat] when you guys are done breaking up can I get a macchiatto?

Veronica

I'm actually just the hostess, but I ca-

Jackie

Look! I don't care if you're the house magician, can you just make me a macchiatto?

Veronica

[waves hands as a magician would do] You're a macchiatto.

Veronica, it's not your fault.

Veronica

I'm afraid that line only works in Good Will Hunting.

Hey Sheriff...you'll never believe who's in the interrogation room filling out an application.

Lamb

You're right. Who?

Veronica Mars.

Lamb

You left her alone in there?![barges into the interrogation room] What are you up to, Veronica?

Veronica

Last question, actually. "Why do you want this position?" Honestly - and really tell me the truth - how much of an ass-kiss would I be if I admit it's to be close to you? [Lamb pulls out her chair] Seriously, why do birds suddenly appear every time you're near?

Sheriff wants to ask you some questions.

Veronica

My answer was final. I will not go to prom with him.