[Jim and Randy get out of the Fuckmobile]
Julian, what the hell's this shit?
Not breaking any rules here, Jim. Why don't you take your place on J-Roc's property?
So I guess you two can fuck off!
Julian, I told you I didn't want any shit in Sunnyvale. You idiots have loaded up a hair-triggered, double-barreled shit machine gun, and the barrel's pointed straight at your own heads!
So like, the barrel of the gun's bent back?
Let's go, Randy. If these boys want to play hardball, we can play hardball too.
You guys are fucked, you know that? [grabs Randy] Get the fuck in you car!
Get the fuck out of here!
You keep your hands off him, Ricky! Ricky!
BubblesShit! In you go, fatty.
The day of reckoning is at hand, boy!
[Jim revs the Fuckmobile and Ricky gives Jim and Randy the middle fingers]
Later, boys. Oh fu... Reverse, dumbass!
You guys are so fuckin' stupid. [gives Jim and Randy the middle fingers again and Jim touches Ricky's left hand]
Bubbles
Nice daze out there. Nice getaway, Lahey.
[Jim drives the Fuckmobile backwards and Ricky gives Jim and Randy the middle fingers again]
The fuckin' best trailer park in the goddamn world, right here. Good people, good friends, and we're gonna see a little show. Look, the first thing I want to do is to make it clear, this is not kidnapping, okay?
This is totally kidnapping.
This is not fuckin' kidnapping!
This is fuckin' totally kidnapping.
I'm borrowing you for a little bit to play a little concert back at the trailer park!
I don't do that kind of stuff!
Look, you're in a rock band! You should be used to this shit!
Can I tell you something? You're a fuckin' mental case!
What the fuck are you talkin' about?
It's not my fault you're this big fuckin'...
You're gonna go to jail for a long time.
I'm not going to fuckin' jail, believe me. This isn't kidnapping. I'm borrowing you for a little bit, alright?
Bubbles
Oh, no big deal at all. Ricky just went and stole a human being!
It's like a little rehearse, Lee. Play a couple of songs, then you can go back to your little dream world or wherever the fuck it is you do with yourself all the time, playin' your fuckin' big guitar in front of people.
[The boys walk to a manhole wearing garbage bags]
This is fucked up, Julian.
Look boys, I'm sorry, alright? The security's a little tight. This'll be fun, man.
Bubbles
This is not fuckin' fun, Julian! This is bullshit!
You wanna see Rush, Bubbles?
Bubbles
Yes, I wanna see Rush!
Get down there. You want me to go next?
Bubbles
Please. What if something gets me?
Bubbles
Ah! Something licked me on the knee! Something licked me!
[Julian lifts up a grate]
Bubbles
We did it, Julian. Was that the Alex Lifeson?
Bubbles
That is him!
Sorry, Randy? I got this T-shirt for you to wear tonight on stage during the guitar changes.
No thanks, Alex. I don't wear shirts.
Oh, no. You gotta wear a shirt. Please.
Randy doesn't wear shirts, Mr. Lifeson. That's just the way it is.
Well, Mr. Lahey, maybe you can talk him into wearing this shirt.
He doesn't wear shirts. Not even in the winter time.
[Notices Ricky, Julian and Bubbles walking towards them]
How did you idiots get in here?!
Bubbles
Hi, Alex.
Don't worry about it, Lahey. Hey, I know this guy!
Bubbles
See this, Randy? When somebody like Alex Lifeson gives you a fuckin' T-shirt to put on, you're puttin' the fuckin' thing on. I don't care if you don't wear shirts.
I don't wear a frig! [Bubbles attempts to put the T-shirt on Randy]
Randy doesn't wear shirts!
[Bubbles struggles to get Randy to wear the T-shirt while the other try to pry him off]
[to the security guards] Take the garbage downtown, boys.
[The guards drag the boys away]
[The boys get out of the cab]
Bubbles
This is fucked!
Fuckin' believe we gotta go down the same!
Boys, it wasn't that bad.
Julian, I'm collecting paperwork, and when I get enough, I can evict anyone in this park. You, Ricky, even little Bubbles here. And you know why? 'Cause you all signed on the dotted line. I'm watching you, Julian, like a shit hawk. Like a shit hawk. Come on, Randy.
Bubbles
Julian, what's a shit hawk? Some kind of a shitty bird that swoops down and puts poop onto ya or somethin'?
Bubbles, shit hawks don't exist, okay? He's just drunk. Don't listen to him.
Bubbles
Well, can he boot us out of the park like he said he could?
No, he's just being a dick. Listen, man, there's no way this operation's gonna draw heat, okay? I promise you that everything's gonna be cool. Just keep up the good work, man. Don't worry about him.
Bubbles
Yeah, everything'll be cool. Just like it's cool every other time you promised me and you go back to jail and I'm left here by myself with shit hawks flyin' around, shit ropes comin' after me, shitty this and shitty that!
Bubbles
J-Roc! Listen, Julian got out of jail early, he doesn't even know we're growing weed. I gotta create a distraction, J-Roc. Can you please let me say we got this car for him as a present?
Bubbles, this is my brand-new whip, muhfucka! Don't do that to me, you know what I'm sayin'?
Bubbles
Come on, J-Roc! I'm in a jam. I got an idea...two grams of blonde Lebanese hash?
Let me check this shit out...
Bubbles
[drops the hash] Shit! [hands J-Roc the hash] Check that out.
Bubbles, that ain't even blonde, you know what I'm sayin', muhfucka... [smells the hash]
Bubbles
It's dirty blonde though! Look, it's got blonde streaks into it, it's Lebanese...
All right, Bubbles. Don't say I didn't have your back, you know what I'm sayin'?
Bubbles
Julian, I'm craving some Chalet take-out. Come on. My treat?
Bubbles
And then we're gettin' drunk, all right?
Man, Bubbles, man, I would like some chicken, man. Get me a quarter chicken dinner, extra gravy.
DDVS
Fo' sho'. Quarter chicken dinner, french fries, onion rings.
Chicken-rib combo, extra roll, B.
Bubbles
Boys, boys, come off it! This is distraction chicken I'm buying Julian!
Oh, so now I'm like, "You got my whip," you know what I'm sayin', "But I ain't got no chicken!"
You gotta come back to the trailer park right now. I got a job for you, it's gonna be perfect: assistant trailer park supervisor.
[laughs drunkenly] Assistant.
That's right, buddy. 4,600 bucks a year. Bubbles quit and I could use a hand. I'm gonna straighten all the shit out, man, things are gonna be cool.
[Randy overhears]
Hey Ricky, I'm looking for work!
Bubbles
Fuck off, Randy!
How's it going, Randy? Did you get everything done?
Almost. Are those my burgers, Ricky? That's my burger, right?
No, Barb made these for me.
I want my fuckin' burger, Rick!
Randy, I'll get yours later. You didn't finish your job.
[Randy tries to take the burger out of Ricky's hand]
You get the fuckin' chicken chips-
[Randy grabs the burger and tries to eat it as Ricky starts choking him]
Fuckin' asshole! Give me that back, you fuckin' dick! Let go of it! Stop grabbing it!
[Jim sees Ricky from his back view, making it look like Randy is trying to perform oral sex on him]
Get your hands of it! Get your fuckin' hands of it!
[Lahey trips and accidently shoots the arrow towards Ricky and Randy. Ricky gets shot in the back of his shoulder with the arrow]
[in pain] FUCK! What the fuck?! Ah, Jesus Christ!
[Ricky takes out his gun and starts shooting aimlessly]
What are you doing?! Give me that!
I'm trying to shoot whoever fuckin' shot me!
Randy, how could you do that?
What you were doing with Ricky?
I wasn't doing anything with Ricky.
Is that a fuckin' bow and...you fuckin' shot me!
It was an accident, Ricky. I was trying to shoot a blue jay.
I'll show you a fuckin' blue jay!
Ricky, it was an accident! Listen, you can call the cops on Lahey for getting shot with an arrow, but he can call the cops on you for firing a handgun out in the trailer park. They cancel out.
That doesn't even make sense, Julian.
I don't have the right people words to make you understand the way it means to me, but something's fucked up here!
Bubbles
Hold still, Ricky.
[Bubbles lightly tries to pull out the arrow]
Ricky AGHHHH!!! FUUUCK!!!
[Julian pushes Ricky away as he grunts in pain]
Ricky, you owe me two double cheeseburgers for cleaning up Julian's trailer!
I never said doubles, Randy! I never said fuckin' doubles! Where's my chocolate milk and chicken chips?!
[to Randy] Fuck you and fuck your cheeseburgers!
Bubbles
Everybody calm down! For fuck's sakes! Is this all about cheeseburgers?!
Bubbles
Well, Randy, I've got burger meat and cheese at my shed. I'll cook some up for you on the barbeque if that'll diffuse the situation.
Bubbles
Boys, I feel like I got hit by a fuckin' dump truck. How much would a massage thing cost me, do you figure?
Look, Julian, I know I'm dumb as fuck and stuff, but why can't we just steal more furniture and fill up these trailers with furniture and fuckin' open like a used furniture store or some shit?
Bubbles
Used furniture store's not a bad idea, Julian. Keep Lahey and Randy distracted, make a few bucks.
Exactly. Get two birds stoned at once.
We're gonna fill the trailers up with furniture all right, boys, but we're gonna rent them out by the hour.
Bubbles
Aw, that's greasy.
That's really fuckin' greasy.
Bubbles
Gree-hee-hee-heasy.
Bubbles
Well, I don't know much about this stuff, Julian.
DDVS
They're good hos, man. They're good hos, I'm tellin' ya.
Bubbles
What other choice do we have? He says they're good hos.
All right, all right, done. Three o'clock.
DDVS
I'll see you then. I'll be waitin' here with the hos, homie.
Bubbles
It's not a sling, J-Roc, it's duct tape. Just get the hos.
J-Roc, where's this guy at anyway?
Chill out, Julian. Cyrus'll be here in a minute, ya know what I'm sayin'?
What the fuck are you doing working with Cyrus?
Well, well, well. If it isn't the big, tough Julianne. The Hubble Bubble Telescope. And Helmet Head.
Bubbles
Fuckin' call me a telescope.
Ladies! The boss is home. It's been a long time no see, dick weeds. (pulls a gun)
Why don't you take your little gun and fuck off, Cyrus?
[chambers a round] Why don't we fuck on?
[walks out of the trailer] Julian, where's the hand cream?
[takes a man's bag of chips out of his hand] I know one of you dickheads did this to my car, 'cause you're the only ones who know I failed Grade 10.
[points his gun towards the Roc Pile] Fuck off! [points to his car, which has been vandalized with graffiti] And what's this, "I'm a fuckhead"? Huh?
Actually, it says "I'm fucked in the head," 'cause you are.
Ricky, where the fuck are Cory and Trevor? I said I wanted them back an hour ago.
I don't fucking know. They went home two hours ago. They told me.
Well, I don't have them, you must still have them.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF IT! I PAID FOR A LADY, NOT FUCKING CORY AND TREVOR!
Trailer Park Boys · 180 quotes
