[Cory and Trevor are putting up signs for Sam Losco]
Yeah, man. We're gonna get a chance to screw Lahey over.
BubblesYou guys aren't doin' well in the thinking department, are ya? Sam's a caveman, and he's a dick.
And that makes you guys dicks, 'cause you're promoting him.
He's gonna give us homemade hot dogs when we're finished putting the signs up.
Well, I'm gonna give you some homemade fuck-offs right now. Get rid of these stupid signs, you dummies.
[Ricky gives Trevor two middle fingers and throws the sign]
[Bubbles finds Ricky and Julian's dope plants in his burnt-to-the-ground shed]
Bubbles
Oh, I think that's yours, Ricky. Stupid f... [trying to hold back tears] stupid fucking dope plants!
They're not dope plants, they're just...some vegetables we were growing.
Bubbles
Oh yeah. Yeah, I fuckin' believe that, Ricky.
Bubbles
You guys wanna see some shit? Come watch this.
[Bubbles fires his sling shot at Sam]
SLSam Losco
What the fuck?
Bubbles
All right, arsehole, clean up this fuckin' garbage!
SLSam Losco
Now listen, get your fuckin' cats off my property, or I'm gonna call animal control and have 'em all put to fuckin' sleep!
Bubbles
Oh yeah? You think you could do it if you're fuckin' knocked out? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
[Bubbles swings a pair of nunchucks at Sam]
I've had a lot of time to think about this, and I know Ricky and I really crossed the line. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, buddy.
[Julian hands Bubbles a jar of pickled eggs]
Bubbles
Yeah? Well, my whole life was in that shed, Julian. Did you and Ricky think of that before you barged in and burned the fuckin' thing right to the ground?
Come on. This is getting ridiculous.
Bubbles
Yeah, it is ridiculous, Julian.
Listen. Why don't you stop living in cars and vans and sheds and stuff and come stay at my place? A real home for once.
Bubbles
That shed was a real home, Julian. I loved that place. It was mine, it wasn't yours. You know what I mean? And guess what? I don't think I should be hangin' around with you and Ricky anymore either, 'til you're done growing that dope. And don't think you can buy me off with a jar of those delicious things.
Okay, boys. Rule number one: no living in a van in Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
Bubbles
J-Roc, you better straighten Panama Jack the fuck out right now.
Aight, here's what I'm talkin' about, you know'm sayin'? Know'm sayin'? Bubbles is renting this van for twelve dollars a month, you know'm sayin'? That makes this muhfucka an income property, you know'm sayin'? And once me and T get power and water goin' on, then this muhfucka gonna fall under the same jurisdictions as every other trailer up in this ma', you know'm sayin'? So why don't you and that fifteen cheeseburger-eatin', Rico Suave lookin' muhfucka go on, 'cause you ain't beatin' nobody! Peace.
[Tyrone laughs, slaps J-Roc's hand]
That's cold, man! That's crazy! Suave-Rico cheeseburger!
[J-Roc leans his ear to Randy's gut]
Can I get fifteen half-eaten cheeseburgers to go? You know'm sayin'?
[Bubbles laughs]
Bubbles
Talking to his gut like it's a person.
Randy, come back here for a second.
Listen man, if you go down to the store and pick me up some "ja-lap-ano" chips and $2 worth of pepperoni, I'll hang out with you for a bit.
Bubbles
Yeah, and get me some fuckin' Gummiworms and stuff.
Gummiworms. Okay. Ja-lap-ano chips. Pepperoni. You want anything, Julian?
[Julian nods "no"]
Does anyone else want anything while I'm down there?
Yeah, pick me up a bag of ja-lap-ano chips.
Jalapeno? What flavor is that?
Ricky, the "J" is silent. You're saying it wrong.
Bubbles
The "J" is like an "H", Ricky. "Hal-a-pee-no," not "ja-lap-ano."
What in the fuck are you guys talking about?
Bubbles
Hal-a-pee-no. Hal-a-pee-no. That's how you pronounce it.
I know how to pronounce it! I ordered fuckin' ja-lap-ano!
Alright, boys! Cease and desist! The cops are on the way to Number 1 Bonnyview right now with a warrant.
What are you talking about, Lahey?
You know what a shit rope is, Julian? It's a rope covered with shit that criminals try to hold on to. You see, the shit kind of acts like grease. The harder you try to climb up, the tighter you try to hold on, the faster you slide down the rope, Julian. All the way to jail.
This is private property. Get the fuck outta here. Have another drink, Lahey.
Bubbles
Holy shit.
Great guys, what are we gonna do now?
Bubbles
I'm afraid of shit ropes. What is a shit rope?
Meeting inside, let's go!
Bubbles
What's a shit rope?
He's drunk. I don't fucking know.
Bubbles
Are we sliding down some sort of a shitty rope?
Julian, I can't deal with this bullshit right now.
What time is it, Bubbles?
Bubbles
It's 11:30, Ricky.
[Ricky lights a cigarette in the bank]
Bubbles
Ricky, you can't fucking light up in the bank!
I can do whatever the fuck I want now, buddy! I'm rich as fuck now! 38 grand in unmarked bills, I don't give a fuck!
Julian, fuck all this bullshit. Fuck this bank. Let's just go spend it, man. Let's go shopping. We need some gifts, come on.
Ricky, we're gonna set up some GIC's and some RSP's, man. That's an investment.
Bubbles
Bingo.
Fuck investments, Julian.
Listen, we can go on vacation every year, man. Go on a cruise or something.
I don't give a fuck about a cruise. I wanna go spend the cash right now.
Bubbles
Ricky, that's what smart people do with their fucking money. Invest it. Julian's handling all my finances.
Listen, we just set up a few business in the trailer park, man. Why don't you let me control your money?
Control my money? Fuck RSVP's, Julian. What about Freedom 35? I thought we were fucking retired!
Bubbles
Uh oh.
I grew the fucking dope! It's my fucking money!
Bubbles
You can't scream "dope" out in the bank.
Dope, dope, dope-itty fucking dope, dope!
Bubbles
Here's security.
Nice. Listen, I can walk out on my own, guys.
Bubbles
Perfect!
Fuck off, salamander head! Give me my fucking cigarette back! Fuck off! Let go of me!
Bubbles
Everybody calm down! We're leaving!
Bubbles
Well, Ricky's been living in the Shitmobile for...I don't know how many years now. Julian gave it to him when he had no place to go, and...Ricky goes on about it, you know, how much he hates the fucking thing, but he's lived in it so long I think he really...he'd really miss it if he didn't have it.
There's a lot of history, you know, in this car. I've been living in this car and it's been a big part of my life, but... You know, it's fucked me around quite a bit. Sometimes it stalls on you and it doesn't work right. You get to need to go somewhere and it's like, "No, you're not fucking going anywhere, because I'm gonna fucking stall on you," and it pisses you off!
Bubbles
It was Julian's grandmother who owned it originally and she left it to Julian. And that's probably how most of the damage got done, because she used to drive around here drunk all the time, smashing into poles and stuff. You think Julian goes around with a drink a lot? You shoulda saw her.
[The Shitmobile stalls out]
Yeah, you know what's coming, don't ya? You know what's gonna happen to you tonight!
Bubbles
You know, he's always kicking it and being mean to it, but he loves that old Yorker. [Unwraps a Tootsie Pop] Purple.
[Lucy appears with a lawyer to collect unpaid child support. The lawyer's face is censored.]
LLawyer
I suggest you turn that camera off right now. If I see my face on TV or reproduced in any way, I will sue.
This is the guy, right here. The guy in the tracksuit.
He's a fucking lawyer, Ricky.
LLawyer
Richard, hi. I've heard so much about you. [Hands Ricky some papers]
LLawyer
Well, I guess you could call it a bill for being an asshole.
You better watch yourself, buddy. Bubbles, give me a hand with this reading stuff, please? [Hands the papers to Bubbles] A lot of big words there, man.
Bubbles
Three years child support payments you owe, Ricky.
Child reports? What? Now you got suit dummies making up big fancy word papers about me being a bad father because I'm rich now? This is bullshit, Lucy! I'm not a bad father, am I, Trinity?
Ricky, a good father doesn't go to jail every year, okay?
LLawyer
I think you'll find those papers in order, Richard. See you in court.
[Over megaphone] Think you're so big with your little suit and all your little college reading and stuff like that. Go fuck yourself! Lucy, you better not be banging him!
[Bubbles is vacuuming the dirt off of Ricky with a Dustbuster]
[Ricky walks into Bubbles' shed to pee]
Bubbles
Ricky, Jesus. You might want to close the door.
[to camera crew, drunkenly] Hey, stop fucking filming me in here.
[The camera crew zooms in on Bubbles]
Bubbles
The fuck are you filming him pee for?
Turn off the fucking camera!
[Bubbles starts vacuuming Ricky's back while he pees]
Bubbles
Who's there, Ricky?
A bootlegger...a bootlegger in the park and I hope it's not you that's doing it...'cause that would put me in an awkwardly situation.
Putting you in an awkwardly situation?
Yeah, I work for Lahey now. I just hope it's not you, Julian.
Well, of course it's me that's doing it, you bonehead!
Bubbles
Hi, Linda.
Hoy are you doing? What's going on?
Bubbles
Listen, can we talk to J-Roc for 1 minute?
LLinda
Yeah, he's in his room. He can stand the noise. I made some pancake. You want some, Bubbles?
Bubbles
Yes, please. Put some butter onto it.
[Inside J-Roc's trailer, where rap music plays]
LLinda
Jamie! Jamie, your friends are here! Jamie? Turn down that damn music! What can year thing. Come on, Jamie! [opens the door]
LLinda
Ga fuck! You know what I'm sayin'!
[turns off the music] Turn that shit off, muthafucka! I was gettin' changed, you know 'm sayin'?! I don't want that shit on TV!
Bubbles
Turn that thing off, he's pullin' his goalie!
Turn off the fuckin' camera. What the fuck are you doing, J-Roc?
I was gettin' changed, mothafucka!
Changed my ass, you fuckin'...
You non-knockin' muthafuckas!
Bubbles
That was a bit fucked.
It wasn't that fucked, you know 'm sayin'? I was gettin' changed. What's goin' on?
Listen man, I got some good news for ya. Get cleaned up and meet me back at the flea market.
Aight. [Pats Bubbles' shoulder with the hand he changed with] Peace, Bub.
Bubbles
Don't touch me.
You muhfuckas ain't gonna tell nobody that I was gettin' changed, right?
Bubbles
No! Christ, no.
Trailer Park Boys · 180 quotes
