Ricky quotes from Trailer Park Boys

Ricky

Me and Julian could definitely take care of the Cyrus thing. It's just that, number one: we're on probation. Which is no big deal, but you know I don't really wanna go back to jail. And number two or three, or whatever the fuck number we're on...

Ricky

You know, ever since you guys have been around with your TV cameras, Julian's changed. You know, he's getting all frustrated and he's taking his problems out on me and other people in the park. It's crazy! He lives in there in a palace and he's all stressed out. I live out here in a car and I've got everything I need, and I'm happy! I mean, this is my home. So I don't know what his problem is.

Ricky

Julian! It's Ricky here. Just letting you know that, uh, I've thought about this, I feel I have no other options. I'm gonna go down to Lahey's trailer, I'm gonna break in, and I'm basically probably gonna kill Mr. Lahey, and I'm thinking about killing Randy as well, and I'm gonna take the porno tape back. I've talked to Bubbles about it. He's probably gonna give me a hand because we both can't have this tape floating around. So, anyway, you know, I was kind of counting on you to maybe help plan this, but if you don't want to, that's up to you. I just hope you won't feel guilty when me and Bubbles are in jail and you know that you could have prevented a murder. Talk to you later.

Ricky

[While rummaging through stolen loot during a break-and-enter eating a cheese sandwich] The thing is, when you're shopping for a ring, you gotta take your time because you know it's my wife we're talking about. She's not gonna be wearing one of those Cubic Zarcarbian things. She's gotta have a nice ring.

Ricky

Trevor and Cory, what the fuck are you guys doing? I spent two grand on fireworks, and I want to see some fucking fireworks! Come on!

Ricky

All right everybody, fuck it! We're gonna get drunk, we're gonna eat donairs tonight! And I plan on getting drunk as fuck tonight! Drunk as fuck!

Ricky

Tripped 'em up with a hockey stick, no big deal, and fired a few shots at them. The way I see it, I bought the bikes. I own 'em. Just like owning a target. You shoot at that, I shot at the bikes. Then Julian's got this attitude and fires a bullet at my brand new car! Real nice! So I fired a shot at his new car. Spy for a spy. That's the way it works around here.

Ricky

Well, I think somebody has been talking to Trinity and they've misleaded her around and basically they said that, you know, I'm drunk and stupid all the time, which isn't the case. Once in a while I get drunk, once in a while something comes out of my mouth that may not be the smartest thing in the world, but she shouldn't be worried about growing up drunk and stupid like me. That's not gonna happen. She's already smarter than me, you know, and she's only like nine years old.

Ricky

I haven't stolen a 10-speed in over two years.

Ricky

The fastest way to get money is steal a bank machine. It doesn't take rocket appliances to realize. All you gotta do is take a fuckin' chain, hook it up to the truck, and yank the fuckin' bank machine out of the store.

Ricky

[honks horn] Get over here you, little f...NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Don't throw bottles at me! Don't throw bottles at me ever, okay?! Now listen up. I want you to hit lot 423. Hit it hard, okay? You guys know what flaming shit bags are? Good. Throw some of those in the mix. I got two big bags of chips. I'll give you one now and one when you're done. Move it out, boys. [bottle kids run off] He can stick his Grade 11 up his ass.

Ricky

Randy takes his pants off when he wants to fight. He can't fight in tight pants. He's worried about ripping his precious little pants. So when the pants come off, look the fuck out.

Ricky

I can't believe Julian bailed me out. I mean, he knows how cool it is in jail at Christmas, and he ruined it anyways! Julian's up to something, I fuckin' know he is!

Ricky

Jesus Christ. Dougie! Fuckin' Chris passed out again!

Ricky

I told you man, he's drinking rum and smoking weed! Keep him on the hash. Can't smoke weed and drink rum!

Ricky

[to Lahey when he says he's sorry] Oh, you're fuckin' sorry, are you? What do you wanna do? Play a big song on the Magdalene? [imitates someone playing a violin with a bow, confusing a mandolin with Mary Magdalene] You're fuckin' sorry? Bullshit you're sorry.

Ricky

I'm sick of looking after everybody. I mean, right now--I mean, everyone's at my dad's place, fucking using my car. Now he's borrowing my fucking gun. It's bullshit. You know, if he thinks he's better then me, wants to go down, take care of himself, then good, 'cause I don't want to look after him anymore, and I'll look after myself. And when he gets back here, he's gonna see who...fuckin' looks after who...better than...the other person.

Ricky

The fake check trick works every fuckin' time. Basically, you figure out how much something costs, you just fill out one of the old man's checks like this, and that way if you get caught, you just say everybody who's gonna pay. I mean, mall cops are really dumb compared to real cops. It's gonna be easy. And worst case Ontario, if you get caught, you just cancel the check. You never have to pay. It's awesome!