Col. Gentleman quotes from The Venture Bros.

Careful Lad. Those hands of his are strong enough to crush a boulder. Yet delicate enough to crush a butterfly.

Despite his racial handicap, Kano here is a crackerjack pilot. Why, he could land her on a puffin... or a smurf!!

That baby's gonna kick like a virgin, so you have to re-level quick. Aim for the bastard's neck. Hold 'im up there, Kano! I don't care if he wets himself and your head; that boy is gonna see somebody die! And if he doesn't want it to be his father, he'll have to pull that trigger!

Col. Fun has arrived! (taking the drink from Jonas's hand) Ah, you read my mind. I need a stiff one in me after that car ride. Never let a woman drive your Aston, Jonas. This one handles a stick like it's got herpes!

Who knows, with all the strange garages you park it in...

Dr. Jonas Venture

Ms. Quymn (he kisses her hand)

More like Ms. Bollocks-Buster. If she won't take my name maybe she'll take a smack in her smart mouth!

Try me. [Col. Gentleman kisses her on the cheek]]

Actiooooon!

Action! Action! Action!

Whoa-whoa-whoa Rodney, what the hell are you doing?

What!? I'm winning the day!

Well take it down a notch! I mean, Ook-Ook's a mindless savage. And even he knows when to pull his punches!

I can't believe you slept with... Killermanjaro! I had no idea he...

Neither did he, 'til the day he tried to ambush me in the middle of a threesome with Gore Vidal and Wally Schirra.

[nuzzling an escort] How about I take you to my boudoir and give you a little Rusty Venture?

Alchemist

Whoa! Denied! What was that about?

Boom! Right out of the gate, you ask for a Rusty Venture. That is bold, my friend. Kudos!

What? I had chilled bubbly in my room.

Alchemist

Rust, you do realize that a "rusty venture" is when you take your finger and run it around a guy's asshole while you pull the guy off into his own face.

What?! My name is a sex act?! When did that happen?!

Uh, like, in the 80s, and Al is way off. A rusty venture is when you 69 and fill each other's mouths with cum; then you turn over and blow splooge into each other's cracks.

Good lord! How can that be named after me?! What does that have to do with me?

Oh, don't play coy. Your cartoon was huge in the gay community. We used to throw Rusty Venture parties in the Castro, and we'd all wear little striped tops and tight little shorts.

Alchemist

How could you not know this? Man, you're like a little twinkie Cher. A ginger friggin' Liza Minnelli.

No. I missed this. I don't 69 guys and do that spinning thing.

Alchemist

That's not a Rusty Venture. That's a Snake Venom.

You are misinformed, my darling. [Pulls out cell phone] You want to settle this, maybe make a little wager?

Alchemist

Fine. I'll bet you a Rusty Venture I'm right.

Stop it!

You are on. I'm going to call an authority on both subjects.

[answering his phone while doing a model of the USS Indianapolis on his dog's back] Hello? Oh, sure. I am the one who started that craze in P-Town with Tennessee Williams. It's brilliant. What you do is you take a scuba snorkel and you put your cock in the wee bendy mouth part. Then you snake the other end right up your back address, okay? Then you just grab the middle of the snorkel and you're fuckin' your own ass and pulling off your crank at the self-same time, until you're standin' in your own jacksie! That's a Rusty Venture! [His dog runs off] Mischa! Mischa! Bad girl!

[hanging up] Useless. That was Colonel Gentleman.

Alchemist

And?

And the out-of-touch old windbag just described a Double Frog Man.

Alchemist

Ugh! Give me your phone.

[on other end] You? I told you, when your arch is terminated by a third party, it's not our problem! A what? Well, of course I do! It's when you fist a guy and then open up your hand inside his ass and grab—no, he's laying down. Then whatever you come out with, you rub on his dick.

Wrong! The Rusty Venture is a straight move. Okay, it's when you take a girl out for a huge dinner, but you don't let her go to the can. Then you have anal sex with her and she craps all over your dick; so right when you're about to get off, you take it out and blow shit cum all over her back.

That's a Rusty Venture?

No, that's the Rusty part; the Venture part is when you eat that junk off her back without using your hands.

Are you getting this?

Alchemist

Yeah, I heard it. and you're both wrong. To settle a bet. Yes, with Shore Leave.