Ward quotes from The Venture Bros.

Sovereign, many of our operatives are in place. We await your orders.

Good, Good... Let us proceed to stage five.

It shall be done.

(turning to Ward) Great, way to make me look like a tool! What are you doing back there?

Have you seen my juice-box?

Oh, that was yours? I thought that--

Great. Thanks. Why did I even bother putting my initials on it?

Control, delay order. We've lost full containment. I repeat, delay order.

Copy on delay. We are on standby.

Knew it.

I thought you went to the can.

I did. I'm back.

That was, like, ten seconds ago. What, are you pissing in the corner?

I need an immediate Blackout: 4 and a robot. Syndicate number: Victor. Echo. November. Seven. Niner.

Roger. Dispatching Blackout team now. (looks over at Ward whose playing with mp3 player) What are you doing?

I hate that song.

Hm. "Niner." Nice touch.

Blackout Target Victor Echo November Seven Niner is in Daddy's lap. Repeat, in Daddy's lap. Call off Blackout team. Daddy is going to put the boys to bed... himself. (earpiece chatter and sighs) Yes, I'm going to kill them. It's a very simple metaphor.

Copy, Big Daddy. (looks over at Ward who's STILL fiddling with his mp3 player) What... just play something!

How many Yaz albums do you have on here?

So you share a lair with Dr. Orpheus?

Hardly. He rents an apartment from me.

I can't believe that we are standing in the same conference room the Treaty of Tolerance was signed in!

Yes. So cool. Your father is a legend at the Guild.

Yeah, legend! He's responsible for stealing my father's leg!

Don't start me! The REAL Dr. Venture was the reason I got into this business!

Hey, just keep the nuts away from my lab. Because I have some pretty impressive things going on in there.

(to Ward, still snickering) No, shut up. Oh yeah, we'll do our best to keep them away from your...

(still snickering) Impressive...

Yeah, impressive stuff.

You better! Where's Mr. Magic? How come the prom queen isn't here to crown his king?

He's astral projecting, I think.

Showoff...

To assemble his team.

A team? You mean he was approved as a team? What a wuss! (starts chuckling, then stops)

(fakes clearing his throat) Jealous!

Welcome to the Citadel of Attribution. My name is Watch. I will be the only human face you will see, speak to...and enjoy.

Dr. Girlfriend

Okay...

[walking in, eating chips] So that's Lady Au Pair.

Dude, get out of here. She's not supposed to see anybody but me.

Really?

No, I'm making that up. Yes, really!

Oh, should I put on my hood?

Forget it. She already saw your face. You might as well stay.

Good.

The Guild of Calamitous Intent is antagonist relations only.

Jonas Venture Jr

So who handles the good guys?

Whoa! (offended) I think the less hurtful term is protagonists.

Jonas Venture Jr

Oh. Yes. Sorry. Who handles the protagonists?

What, are you serious? OSI! Duh!

Jonas Venture Jr

Can you patch me through?

Oh, sure. (laughing) Just let me get my red phone! The hotline!

No, I'll shine the OSI signal!

No no, if we really believe, click our heels together and-

Jonas Venture Jr

Okay, okay! I get it! (hangs up)

Newbie. Did you see his creepy little body?!

Oh my god, when you were a kid, did you ever make G.I. Joe hump Rainbow Brite ?

Yeah.

He's what their kid would've looked like.

...Very well, but you may have to give me the shot in my derriere. Needles can't penetrate my electro-impalpable limbs!

'Needles'. Yea good one. Try huge spikes.

They're wonderful and frightening and they go into the sides of your neck and they replace all your blood!

You get your blood back at the end of the summit, unless that 'loss of life' thing happens. Then we send your next of kin a big jug of blood and a very nice card.

[nuzzling an escort] How about I take you to my boudoir and give you a little Rusty Venture?

Alchemist

Whoa! Denied! What was that about?

Boom! Right out of the gate, you ask for a Rusty Venture. That is bold, my friend. Kudos!

What? I had chilled bubbly in my room.

Alchemist

Rust, you do realize that a "rusty venture" is when you take your finger and run it around a guy's asshole while you pull the guy off into his own face.

What?! My name is a sex act?! When did that happen?!

Uh, like, in the 80s, and Al is way off. A rusty venture is when you 69 and fill each other's mouths with cum; then you turn over and blow splooge into each other's cracks.

Good lord! How can that be named after me?! What does that have to do with me?

Oh, don't play coy. Your cartoon was huge in the gay community. We used to throw Rusty Venture parties in the Castro, and we'd all wear little striped tops and tight little shorts.

Alchemist

How could you not know this? Man, you're like a little twinkie Cher. A ginger friggin' Liza Minnelli.

No. I missed this. I don't 69 guys and do that spinning thing.

Alchemist

That's not a Rusty Venture. That's a Snake Venom.

You are misinformed, my darling. [Pulls out cell phone] You want to settle this, maybe make a little wager?

Alchemist

Fine. I'll bet you a Rusty Venture I'm right.

Stop it!

You are on. I'm going to call an authority on both subjects.

[answering his phone while doing a model of the USS Indianapolis on his dog's back] Hello? Oh, sure. I am the one who started that craze in P-Town with Tennessee Williams. It's brilliant. What you do is you take a scuba snorkel and you put your cock in the wee bendy mouth part. Then you snake the other end right up your back address, okay? Then you just grab the middle of the snorkel and you're fuckin' your own ass and pulling off your crank at the self-same time, until you're standin' in your own jacksie! That's a Rusty Venture! [His dog runs off] Mischa! Mischa! Bad girl!

[hanging up] Useless. That was Colonel Gentleman.

Alchemist

And?

And the out-of-touch old windbag just described a Double Frog Man.

Alchemist

Ugh! Give me your phone.

[on other end] You? I told you, when your arch is terminated by a third party, it's not our problem! A what? Well, of course I do! It's when you fist a guy and then open up your hand inside his ass and grab—no, he's laying down. Then whatever you come out with, you rub on his dick.

Wrong! The Rusty Venture is a straight move. Okay, it's when you take a girl out for a huge dinner, but you don't let her go to the can. Then you have anal sex with her and she craps all over your dick; so right when you're about to get off, you take it out and blow shit cum all over her back.

That's a Rusty Venture?

No, that's the Rusty part; the Venture part is when you eat that junk off her back without using your hands.

Are you getting this?

Alchemist

Yeah, I heard it. and you're both wrong. To settle a bet. Yes, with Shore Leave.