Jonas Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

"Jonas Venture"

Oh, Rusty. You were never alone. Those stars... well, okay, you can't see them right now because we're in the city, but those stars, they're always watching us.

[over radio] I can't keep it together, Dr. Venture. I'm sorry about the TVC 15.

Tom, I'm not worried about that tin can, I'm worried about you. You're not dying on me, and that's an order!

What's goin' on, Pop?

Everything's fine, son. You're havin' a nightmare. Kano! Take Rusty downstairs and get him some warm milk.

[over radio] I've got a message for the Action Man.

He's listening, Tom. Go ahead.

I'm happy. Hope you're…happy too. [Action Man tears up] I've loved all I need to love.

Don't talk like that, Tom. You're gonna make it. Fight it!

I'm…feeling very still. And…I think my spaceship knows which way to go. Tell my wife I love her. Very much.

She knows!

Ground control to Major Tom, your circuit's dead! There's something wrong! Can you hear me, Major Tom? Can you hear me? MAJOR TOM!

Ashes…to ashes.

"Jonas Venture"

I took the form of your dad because I figured it would be easier to accept. I didn't want to stress you out—end of the world, life on other planets, blah blah blah.

Why...you SON-OF-A-BITCH! Do you know what you just put me through?! What the fuck were you thinking?! What kind of fucked-up planet are you from, where you think showing up as my dead fucking father is supposed to make me feel any better?!

"Jonas Venture"

Okay, take it easy...

You prick!

"Jonas Venture"

Look, I just saved your entire planet...

Prick!

"Jonas Venture"

Alright, fine, you wanna see? Here! (Peels off his face, revealing his true self, which is shown offscreen, but horrifies everyone else) There! That would have been better? If I showed up like that out of nowhere? Look at you! You practically crapped your pants! Except him, he crapped his pants! (points to Ned)

Boom boom.

What are you trying to do there, Dean?

Hank

We're helping our new ghost pal!

Heh! Now ain't that somethin'? I wish my boy had that kinda creativity!

Dean

Col. Manstrong is going to assassinate the president!

Hank

It's not really his fault though. His mom's controlling him!

Don't give me that psycho-babble, son! After a certain age, a man needs to take responsibility for his own actions!

Dean

Um... Okay.

Sure, maybe if I hugged my thick-headed son more he wouldn't have started them fires or stolen all that lacrosse equipment, but dammit! Sometimes they're just bad apples!!

Col. Fun has arrived! (taking the drink from Jonas's hand) Ah, you read my mind. I need a stiff one in me after that car ride. Never let a woman drive your Aston, Jonas. This one handles a stick like it's got herpes!

Who knows, with all the strange garages you park it in...

Dr. Jonas Venture

Ms. Quymn (he kisses her hand)

More like Ms. Bollocks-Buster. If she won't take my name maybe she'll take a smack in her smart mouth!

Try me. [Col. Gentleman kisses her on the cheek]]

Where is Dr. Venture?

Brock

Don’t worry, I found him, he’s right here. And, he wants to talk to you too.

Oh, hello Rusty!

No, Dr. Venture, It’s M.U.T.H.E.R.

You’re looking well. Enjoying your new life below ground?

No, Dr. Venture, we have much to talk about.

Ha-ha, good. Because today I like to talk to you about personal hygiene.

Oh OK.

Well, I don’t know. Sometimes I wish I can be just be like a normal kid and go out and play with kids my own age and stuff. The only people I get to hang out with are grown-ups. The only time I get to leave the compound, is to go some place creepy like the Bermuda Triangle. And then I get kidnapped, by grown-ups. And I’m not even sure if I wanna be a super-scientist when I grow up anyway, but I feel all this pressure because of my fa.... It feels weird telling you all this stuff.

Jonas Venture

Remember Rusty, in here I’m your doctor not your father. Now lets get back to it shall we. You were telling me how you’re ungrateful for all the opportunities your father’s given you and you blame me for all your problems!