Pete White quotes from The Venture Bros.

[Telepathically] You fantasize about conquering... the mother from Growing Pains?!

Oh, yeah, that episode where they showed her in the bathtub?

White! White! Get in here!

[shudders] Congratulations, you discovered pornography.

The Alchemist

Alright. Let's start again. Get me a dictionary.

But we have the internet.

The Alchemist

I don't wanna play World of Warcraft. Get me a regular dictionary. (talks to himself aloud) Ugh, internet. It's only good for finding out that your boyfriend is sleeping around. Friggin' MySpace. What, I'm not supposed to look at his friend's comments? They're right on the first page! It's hardly snooping!

Don't you have one of them fancy machines that can just look inside him, you know, like...with computers?

You mean an MRI.

Oh.

But he's right. We need to see inside Rusty's brain, and to do that, you know what we need?

Hank

An aeronaut! And an armored bear!

A submarine!

Hank

Also good.

Dean

We've got one—the X-3

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you— oh, geez! No! Come on, not that old cliche.

Cliche nothing! It is a classic!

Innerspace is not a classic!

That's, like, a great film!

Then why don't they make it on DVD, huh, fella?

They totally do. And, whatever—I was talking about Fantastic Voyage anyway!

Fight.

[throwing down his shield] What is with you?!

[throwing down trident] With me?! I do everything for you, fella!

You boss me around like you gave birth to me!

[over the continued argument] Stop this fighting and fight one another! We wanna see you fight! Stop fighting and fight!

I’m not gonna fight him, they can’t make me fight him.

White you are such a sissy.

I’m a sissy. You're calling me a sissy.

Oh yeah, I get it. I’m out and proud and I’m the sissy. I’m brave enough to be who I am in the face of assholes like you, and I’m the sissy. Maybe when you come outta the closet you can walk a mile in my jimmy Choos.

What?! I am so not gay.

With that pink shirt and that oh-so-sad dye job.

I’m a albino, and this is my lucky shirt. It was red when I bought it.

I hope I fight you next. You BIG sissy.

I have a check here for $50,000 for whoever helps me rescue Billy from vampires.

Brock

We're not mercenaries, White. We handle the guys that nobody else wants to deal with.

Well, that's perfect, because nobody else wants to deal with me.

Brock

Yeah, you're not getting it. Hunter, why don't you explain what we do here at SPHINX.

SPHINX!

It works like this—if someone points a gun at you, you call the police. If a bunch of guys are pointing guns at you, you call SWAT. If they're in spandex and pointing a super laser at you, you call OSI. And if they're dressed regular and pointing a super laser at your daughter, that's when you call SPHINX.

SPHINX!

So explain to me why we'd give a squirt about your roomie being abducted by vampires.

We're talking about Billy here! You guys owe him. You did the...you know.

Spit it out, White! This is SPHINX!

SPHINX.

We have no secrets here. When men live and work together, it's imperative that there are no secrets. I miss my breasts! Inside of me, there's a woman screaming to be heard.

I hit a dog with my car last week, but told the owner I found him like that.

Brock

I once jerked off twelve times in one day just to see if I could.

I had an erotic dream about Henry Rollins last night, and I'm straight as an arrow.

Remember that smell I told you was the garbage? That was my ass. I had chicken tandoori for lunch.

He's not my best friend. I just work with him.

And live with him and do everything with him. That's best friends.

Maybe. But I always thought of Rusty as my best friend.

What?! You know what, White. You are a starfucker. Yeah, you have the greatest friend in the world, and because he's not famous, you don't care. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Rusty and I went to school together. We were inseparable.

Starfucker.

I'm sick of this! I'm slightly drunk, I'm talking to the ghost of my fucking dead friend, I'm probably in love with you, so...yeah, whatever! I'm over it!

You're "over it"?

You're in love with me?

Whoa, wait. What?

Yeah, we made out.

Well, that's a stretch. We got drunk, and maybe we kissed...

Sure...where was I then?

Where were you? You were there! We were on top of you! [The music stops] We made out on you!

Fight! There's a fight!

So you had a drunken threesome! Join the fucking club! We're villains, you crybaby! We swing! I watched my wife suck Manta Claus dry and then make him breakfast!

Is that true?

Eggs and buttered toast.

Wh...you guys are nuts! Yeah, great! [Flipping off everybody as he leaves] Fuck you! Fuck this completely crappy fucking excuse for a fucking prom!

Spanakopita!

The Greek spinach pastry?

The Greek festival. Three days of fun in the sun on the most secluded island in Greece - Spanakos! I first discovered it's sultry pleasures as a young boy. You might say I had my first solo adventure there!

Ew! Is that a euphemism?

Get your mind out of the gutter, White.

Hey... he's got a Bubo!

(smugly) THE Bubo. Harryhausen is a friend..."

You know, I've known Rusty for like twenty years, and I've never seen him like this.

What, happy? I know! It's kinda creepy...