Doctor Girlfriend quotes from The Venture Bros.

Dr. Girlfriend

Well, I hope you're as good at fighting as you are at talking.

Hell no, look at me! You're the weapons expert. [Watches her defeat the Black Guard effortlessly.]

That is so excellent. [She feels for a switch panel on the wall.] Oh I like to do that too, it's soft.

(to the Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend) Love is not private. Love is to be shared. I've locked you in. Neither of you may leave until you have reached compromise. Good luck, and may love show you the way. [opens his umbrella and begins to ascend toward the ceiling] Say goodbye to all your pretty children for me.

Dr. Girlfriend

Can you understand what he's saying?

Like... half the time.

(out of frame) My umbrella is stuck on something. I require assistance.

Dr. Girlfriend

All right, I knew you couldn't handle this! It's crazy. We've been meeting in this crappy hotel, like, three times a week and it's going nowhere!

Alright fine, I'll do Thursdays too. But only for, like, an hour. Which means we have to get right to the dirty deed! I give you permission to begin without me!

Dr. Girlfriend

(sarcastically) Oh, gee, thanks. Look, I keep coming home with welts on my neck and the "I got jumped by a flying squid" excuse is starting to get Phantom Limb a wee bit suspicious.

Screw Phantom Limb! No, wait. No, don't!

Marry me!

Dr. Girlfriend

You being serious?

Deadly serious.

Dr. Girlfriend

(dramatic pause) Yes.

Good! Done! Now get your ass back in that bed!

Dr. Girlfriend

But we need to make some ground rules first! (brings out a list) 1: No more of this "I need my space, you're crowding me" crap!

Fine, whatever. Wh... Where were you hiding that list?

Dr. Girlfriend

2: I'm not your "number 2." I'm your partner.

Okay! I'll get you a crown or something. Anything else on that magic and probably moist list of yours?

Dr. Girlfriend

Yes! Number 3: This whole "Dr. Venture" thing is over!

Yes! We kill him once and for all!!! And we shall make slave of his sons and a lamp from the flesh of Brock Samson!

Dr. Girlfriend

NO! I want you to give up this insane grudge you have on Dr. Venture once and for all.

No way! Dr. Venture is my sworn enemy!

Dr. Girlfriend

Oh, nevermind then! I knew you weren't serious!

No, no! Don't go!!! Fine, I'll do it... No more arching Dr. Venture...

Dr. Girlfriend

Ever?

Never...

Dr. Girlfriend

Swear?

I pinkie swear!!

'Kay? You happy know?

Dr. Girlfriend

(Teary eyed) The happiest woman alive!

Dr. Girlfriend

(To Klaus) What are you... supposed to be from The Future, or something? (To Iggy) And YOU! Put a SHIRT on, for God's sake! [To Phantom Limb] Where do you get off siccing your two stooges on me?!

I wasn't in The Stooges

Dr. Girlfriend

I'm fine! I was pinned under... I think it's Phantom Limb's leg...

Give it here! I want to kick his smug, limey face in with it.. (Monarch notices David Bowie moving into earshot as he said "limey") ....oh.....

Wooo, you're insatiable, woman. Now that's one myth about married life we can scratch off the list, huh?

Dr. Girlfriend

Ya...You...know I nev..I never actually said I do.

Well you never said you don't.

Dr. Girlfriend

Well there's something else I haven't said, It, uh, it might... change things.

Is it, "Let's go again?" 'Cause I'm gonna need a few...

Dr. Girlfriend

No, okay...deep breath, Sheila, you've been rehearsing this...

Dr. Girlfriend

Monarch, I'm....

(angrily) WHAT!?

Dr. Girlfriend

You can't do this to us. Where's the Monarch?

You will see him soon enough.

Only after the Guild of Calamitous Intent is satisfied. You know why you are here.

No clue! Few hours ago I was in my floating escape bed- repeatedly consumating my marriage -and the next thing I know your super creeps are blindfolding us and dragging us here to get shot at!

This is the way these things are done.

And in light of recent events we need to be sure we can trust you.

Dr. Girlfriend

Trust us? You were the ones who promoted him all these years.

There's no reason to get defensive.

We just have some questions for you; tell us about the traitor Phantom Limb.

I know he wears an awful lot of purple for a white guy. What else you wanna know?

Behold! [he drops his pants to reveal his invisible legs]

Dr. Girlfriend

What...happened to your legs?

What do you know...of evil?

Dr. Girlfriend

Why? You...'eviled' your legs?

Evil is misunderstood. Society slaps our wrists and tells us to simmer down while she wages her murderous wars, destroys our planet, and prays to the mighty dollar.

Dr. Girlfriend

And then she made your legs invisible?

Welcome to the Citadel of Attribution. My name is Watch. I will be the only human face you will see, speak to...and enjoy.

Dr. Girlfriend

Okay...

[walking in, eating chips] So that's Lady Au Pair.

Dude, get out of here. She's not supposed to see anybody but me.

Really?

No, I'm making that up. Yes, really!

Oh, should I put on my hood?

Forget it. She already saw your face. You might as well stay.

Good.

Dr. Girlfriend

What the hell are you doing?!

I'm pretending I'm Farrah Fawcett making her big comeback. What do you think I'm doing? I'm not gonna sleep in the bed you pleasured Phantom Limb in. I'm burning the bed and—what are these, Little League trophies, and all these self-help books?

Dr. Girlfriend

Well, sell them! Do you have to burn 'em, it's insane!

You know what's insane? The fact that you slept with a guy who read The Secret You want the Secret? Your ex-boyfriend's pathetic. (whispers) Shh, don't tell anyone. Secret.

You are married to a powerful man...

Dr. Girlfriend

Uh... Mrs. Hulk Hogan?

No. Let's see... you are famous for your pink dresses and pillbox hats...

Dr. Girlfriend

Uh... me?

I loved you in "Fire Walk With Me," but most know your work from...

Brock

(obviously very bored) Yeah, fine, whatever. (Pulls off his own tag and reads it to the room) I'm Harry Dean Stanton!

Dr. Girlfriend

Huh? Who the heck is.... Jack-a-leen Oh-nass-is?

Dr. Girlfriend

Um..."Birdman of Alcatraz!"

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!"

Dr. Girlfriend

Um...let's see, bird...

We know he's a bird! He's been doing the same thing for five fucking minutes! Okay, my God! Go to the next word! Give me a "sounds like!" YOU'RE KILLING ME!

Are you smoking?

Dr. Girlfriend

Who?

You!

Dr. Girlfriend

Why?

What-why? Are you smoking?

Dr. Girlfriend

Maybe…

What?! When did you start smoking?

Dr. Girlfriend

198-9ish?

So you have been lying! It all makes sense, the filled ash trays, the burning pine scented hair sprays…

I guess I’ll be the one to say it, her three-pack-a-day voice.

Dr. Girlfriend

No no no, no apologies necessary. To all fair and love & war.

I just assumed that magic we share that night was something that was bigger than the both of us.

Dr. Girlfriend

Nothing happened.

Well if it did happen, that was only because I didn’t know who you were.

Dr. Girlfriend

Nothing happened.

And not many women have... hit on me because of my fame.

Dr. Girlfriend

Nothing happened.

And some just sense the inner-animal, pheromones. Ladies pick up on it.

Dr. Girlfriend

Nothing happened.

Are you sensing anything now?... I smell perhaps, meow!