The Monarch finally (for like the fourth time) has Team Venture in his clutches at the one time he doesn’t want them – smack dab in the middle of the social event of the supervillain season. The stage is set for a deadly, ultimate showdown between The Monarch and Phantom Limb for the hand of Dr. Girlfriend.
“Showdown at Cremation Creek (Part I)” · Season 2
In this episode: Monarch (6), The Alchemist (6), Phantom Limb (4), Doctor Byron Orpheus (3), Jefferson Twilight (3), Doctor Thaddeus Venture (2), Brock Samson (2), Hank Venture (2)
All right, I knew you couldn't handle this! It's crazy. We've been meeting in this crappy hotel, like, three times a week and it's going nowhere!
Alright fine, I'll do Thursdays too. But only for, like, an hour. Which means we have to get right to the dirty deed! I give you permission to begin without me!
(sarcastically) Oh, gee, thanks. Look, I keep coming home with welts on my neck and the "I got jumped by a flying squid" excuse is starting to get Phantom Limb a wee bit suspicious.
Screw Phantom Limb! No, wait. No, don't!
Marry me!
You being serious?
Deadly serious.
(dramatic pause) Yes.
Good! Done! Now get your ass back in that bed!
But we need to make some ground rules first! (brings out a list) 1: No more of this "I need my space, you're crowding me" crap!
Fine, whatever. Wh... Where were you hiding that list?
2: I'm not your "number 2." I'm your partner.
Okay! I'll get you a crown or something. Anything else on that magic and probably moist list of yours?
Yes! Number 3: This whole "Dr. Venture" thing is over!
Yes! We kill him once and for all!!! And we shall make slave of his sons and a lamp from the flesh of Brock Samson!
NO! I want you to give up this insane grudge you have on Dr. Venture once and for all.
No way! Dr. Venture is my sworn enemy!
Oh, nevermind then! I knew you weren't serious!
No, no! Don't go!!! Fine, I'll do it... No more arching Dr. Venture...
Ever?
Never...
Swear?
I pinkie swear!!
[The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend pinkie swear]
'Kay? You happy know?
(Teary eyed) The happiest woman alive!
(Dr. Orpheus is firing magic bolts at Torrid, who teleports a foot away just before each blast hits him)
It's like playing Keep Away with the neighborhood spastic! I can't get a bead on him!
You should give us the All Seeing Orb!
(sarcastically) "You should"? Nice, Al. Very polite.
What? You catch more flies with honey.
Give us the Eye or face oblivion!!
...Please!
(To Dr. Girlfriend, flirtateously morose) I brought you something blue.... me....
Revenge, like gazpacho soup, is a dish best served cold, precise, and merciless.
Yeah, yeah, you can never have enough precision in your soup...
Go! Her shit's by the door in a box marked 'hers'.
(After defeating Torrid with their finishing move?)
AH! Man, Orpheus! What are you wearing, golf shoes?
Honestly, I think my hand is bleeding. And the squirming...
I think it's the flip part.
That's the zing! We need the zing!
Well the zing hurts my hand!
Well if we practiced more than once a month...
(The Alchemist is holding a giant eyeball in front of his head)
Hey! Hey, look! I'm in The Residents! (laughs)
Does anybody else feel even slightly embarrassed here?
Only most of the time.
Practice makes perfect! We shall meet at my home for some real training!
Yeah! (sing-song) Slumber party!
I'm here! And I've got some fancy beer and some chips guaranteed to be... extreme!
(Amazed) How is that possible...?
I don't know, by putting a lightning bolt on the bag.
[The Alchemist enters wearing a flamboyant shirt]
Al, what is that? I need earplugs just to look at your shirt.
I'm in disguise as a paunchy gay guy who loves Jimmy Buffett. I thought you setting up an apparatus. That's a pilates mat and a baby's first birthday candle.
But being a magic super hero that keeps chasing the same guy? It’s completely gay. That is coming from a guy that voluntarily has sex with men!
And then, like that wasn't enough, I ended up with a raging case of crotch cricket. And did I get an apology? Hell no! I got a, "eh, I'll call you." (sighs) Still waiting for that chestnut.
Why would you do this?
2#21
What, be a henchman?
Yeah. Retardo costume, some skinny guy yelling at you all the time.
2#21
Dude, are you describing me or you?
I don’t wear a costume.
2#21
What, are you drunk? Where do you even buy a baby-blue kerchief? Heh - I just said “kerchief. Dude! What, does your dad use his time machine to go shopping?
(#24, nursing a bad hangover, is escorting Dean through the Cocoon corridor)
Are the walls titanium or made of secret rocket ship metal?
2#24
What? Who ca-.. Uh.. I know they're wicked easy to stain...
(trying to impress 24 with his knowledge) Hm. We can rule out any chromium-based metals. Those clean nicely with a damp cloth!
2#24
(exasperated) All right. I'll... "rule that out."
(awkward pause)
2#24
So uh... You, uh, like being a uh...
..A Dean?
2#24
Yeah. A Dean. That must kind of uh... suck...
2#24
Well after the party died down and you went to bed, y'know, some of us were still pretty wired and uh, so we decided to pick up a case and hit the tenderloin. Loin.
2#21
Mind you, we were pretty, wicked toasted by this point, which was when I spotted this tattoo parlor and I just had to get me some ink! See, I have had, like, this design in my wallet for, like, a year, but you know, that shit is permanent.
2#24
Ah, he never had the balls.
2#21
Guilty! But once this Cowardly Lion got some courage from The Wizard of Booze, we went in there! And -- stand by..."
(Henchman #21 turns and vomits on the floor)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.