Carmela Soprano quotes from The Sopranos

Carmela Soprano

There is no reason you shouldn't be able to pass Social Studies.

Tony Soprano

You passin' Social Studies?

You just revealed your own ignorance...it's only been five days, we didn't get grades yet.

Tony Soprano

I what? I reveal my own what? (Tony smacks AJ in the back of the head)

Tony Soprano

And I provide for my children.

Carmela Soprano

Yes, Tony. You do. But I don't know how you do it, because you won't tell me. Well, let me tell you something, or you can watch the fucking news...everything comes to an end.

Carmela Soprano

The therapist told her it is her "right" to go to Europe.

Tony Soprano

Whoa, whoa, she actually thinks this a good ide- [sits on a bowl of cereal, tosses it onto Meadow's desk] She actually thinks this is a good idea?

Meadow Soprano

She says it's no big deal, I can pick up my education wherever, whenever.

Carmela Soprano

: Oh, really?

Tony Soprano

Who's "Wendy"?

Meadow Soprano

Dr. Wendy Klober.

Carmela Soprano

Barcelona...

Tony Soprano

I could take Melfi's head and crush it like a fuckin' walnut.

Carmela Soprano

I feel battered!

Meadow Soprano

[getting out of bed] I've gotta get to the salon.

Carmela Soprano

Did you tell "Wendy" you didn't work all summer?

Carmela Soprano

You can lose that smart mouth right now.

Meadow Soprano

Or what? What is this, Afghanistan? I'm over eighteen now, I'm a grown woman, I can go wherever I want and do what I want.

Carmela Soprano

Alright! Jesus, God, we know that! Is that your only point here? Because "just" getting what you want is for babies, not adults.

Meadow Soprano

It may interest you to know she thinks I probably should be on Prozac.

Carmela Soprano

She does?

Tony Soprano

She said that?

Meadow Soprano

Jackie was murdered! I know you think it's nothing screaming my head off at the Columbia-Army game wouldn't cure.

Carmela Soprano

That is so unfair.

Tony Soprano

Alright, look, I've been thinking about this: now you're a smart girl, the right move is for you to wait. Just until next year maybe?

Meadow Soprano

You know what I don't understand, Dad? You were all in favor of me going.

Tony Soprano

Your mother doesn't want it.

Tony Soprano

What did you call me?

Carmela Soprano

Tony...

Tony Soprano

Shut up.

Carmela Soprano

Tony!

Tony Soprano

[to Meadow] You got something you wanna say to me?

Meadow Soprano

What do you mean?

Tony Soprano

What do I mean? What do you mean? All these innuendoes. You inferring to me that I didn't do everything I could to keep that kid from fucking himself up? That yeah, knowing him and his family... that I didn't try to be a better dad to him than his own dad, God rest his soul? That I didn't try to protect Jackie Junior? That I didn't actually smack him around, 'cause I was so frustrated? Is that what you're trying to tell me?

Meadow Soprano

[breaking down in tears] I'm through telling people you help with environmental cleanup!

Tony Soprano

That's not what I asked you.

Meadow Soprano

Like you could talk honestly for three fucking seconds!

Tony Soprano

You try me!

Meadow Soprano

I've made my plans, I'm going to Europe, and I'm getting the fuck out of here! [runs out of her room]

Carmela Soprano

He was a victim of his time.

Who cares? It's what he did.

Tony Soprano

He discovered America is what he did. He was a brave Italian explorer. And in this house, Christopher Columbus is a hero. End of story.

Carmela Soprano

You bought a racehorse?

Tony Soprano

No, I didn't buy it.

Carmela Soprano

It followed you home?

Carmela Soprano

You know how much little Bobby likes you.

What am I, daycare?

Carmela Soprano

You always leave your door open like that?

Meadow Soprano

I'm cooking, it's hot.

Tony Soprano

Ya hear that? Anybody bothers her he'll knock their teeth out, then he can put 'em back in, too.

Irina Peltsin

(on phone) Is this Mrs. Sopranos?

Carmela Soprano

(on phone) Yes it is.

Irina Peltsin

I used to fuck your husband.

Carmela Soprano

Let go of me, your son will be home. You want him to see his father like this.

Tony Soprano

Yeah, you'd love that wouldn't you? I'm not leaving here Carmela.

Carmela Soprano

I don't love you anymore. I don't want you. You are not sleeping in my bed Tony. The thought of it now makes me sick.

Carmela Soprano

Can I tell ya somethin' Tony?

Tony Soprano

Don't pretend like I got a choice.

Carmela Soprano

The last year, I have been dreaming and fantasizing and in love with Furio.

Tony Soprano

(laughing) he..ha...what?

Carmela Soprano

Every morning when he'd come to pick you up, I would look forward to it all night long in bed, next to you. Those nights when you were actually in the bed. And he would ring the doorbell, I felt like my heart would come out of my chest. He would smile, and we'd talk, and then you would come down the stairs. And I felt probably like someone who was terminally ill and somehow they managed to forget it for a minute. And then it all comes back!

Tony Soprano

What'd that fag want?

Carmela Soprano

Jesus Christ, Tony, everybody's a fag to you. You know, maybe you're a fag, you ever think about that?

Tony Soprano

Can I help it if I know one when I see one?

Carmela Soprano

Oh really? What are the signs? Education...culture?

Tony Soprano

Suckin' a guy's cock usually tips me off.

Carmela Soprano

How do you know who sucks whose cock? What, you got a little secret?

Carmela Soprano

Did somebody tell you something?

Hugh DeAngelis

I know all about it. You can save the cloak and dagger.

AJ?!

Huh? What?!

Hugh DeAngelis

Junior Soprano told me all about it.

Carmela Soprano

That miserable fuckin' man.

Ohhh...

Carmela Soprano

You don't know the half!

Hugh DeAngelis

Relax! I'm fine with knowin'. In my age, it's surprise enough to be able to get out of bed every mornin'.

Hugh DeAngelis

Who else is comin'?

Freddy Di Novi.

Hugh DeAngelis

Tony'll love him. Who else?

Carmela Soprano

Dad, Tony isn't coming to the party.

Hugh DeAngelis

Why won't he come?

Carmela Soprano

Well, I felt that since we're separated, we should get used to the idea of livin' separate lives.

Hugh DeAngelis

Oh, that's a crock of shit!

You don't talk to her like that. This is very difficult.

Hugh DeAngelis

I've known the man for twenty-somethin' years. It's his house, how's it gonna look?!! (angrily)

Carmela Soprano

I talked to Tony about it. He's in agreement with me.

Hugh DeAngelis

Because you put the screws to him!!

Carmela Soprano

Fine, I'll cancel the party!

Hugh DeAngelis

Go right the hell ahead! Because I'm not comin' if the man of the house isn't there!!

Tony Soprano

So, to what do I owe this pleasure?

Carmela Soprano

I don't know if you're gonna see it that way. I have asked you to lunch to tell you I'm filing for divorce.

Artie Bucco

I hope you brought your appetite...

Tony Soprano

Why don't you give us a minute. (Artie leaves the table) Well that's nice. Invite me to a public place so you can ambush me? You think I won't make a scene?

Carmela Soprano

Spare me your outrage, Tony. Accept the fact that I'm moving on with my life.

Tony Soprano

Moving on? That's what you were doing after the party last week?

Carmela Soprano

I think you and I both know that didn't change anything.

Tony Soprano

Well first of all we're Italian, we don't believe in divorce. We believe in the nuclear family.

Carmela Soprano

Are you listening to yourself? Despite your best efforts, I have an attorney who is going to aggressively pursue my custody of A.J. an also an equitable distribution of our assets.

Tony Soprano

Our assets?

Carmela Soprano

I am through trying to get you to provide beyond the minimum I need to live.

Tony Soprano

Oh so it's fuckin' money? That's all this is to you?

Carmela Soprano

After all we've been through is it so hard to own up to anything beyond that bullshit tax return?

Tony Soprano

Go stand over there, I'll call you when I'm ready.(Artie leaves again) You want money? How 'bout my forty grand you stole out of the bird feeder, that should be plenty, you're such an investment genius.

Carmela Soprano

You want this to get ugly Tony, because these guys live for that.

Tony Soprano

What, you think I don't? (gets up to leave, then comes back) The only reason you have anything is 'cause of my fuckin' sweat, and you knew every step of the way exactly how it works. But you walk around that fuckin' mansion and your five-hundred dollar shoes and your diamond rings, and you act like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth. And you don't want it to get ugly. Too late.

Carmela Soprano

I want what I am entitled to.

Tony Soprano

You're entitled to shit. (to Artie): She's ready to order.

Tony Soprano

Like Popeye says, I yam what I yam.

Carmela Soprano

Well I didn't marry a cartoon character.