Tony SopranoWhat are you doin' here?
Tony Soprano
Why?
[...]
Tony Soprano
Why?
Your son broke into his school Friday night and vandalized the swimming pool.
Tony Soprano
How do you vandalize a swimming pool?
They threw a bunch of stuff in it, they broke things.
Tony Soprano
Why'd you do that for?
Tony Soprano
[smacking AJ on the head] On your mother's birthday?!
It wasn't. It was after midnight.
Tony Soprano
What are you, fuckin' stupid? Huh? So what now, you're suspended?
Tony, do you know how serious this is? He may be expelled.
Tony Soprano
What'd they say?
Nothing. They just sent me home. They said to bring you guys into the principal's office.
Tony Soprano
On your mother's birthday...
Tony Soprano
Just when everything was going good, huh? You're gonna miss the big game. You're screwing everything up, your football career down the drain!
Tony, guess what we found in the bottom of the Christmas box.
Tony Soprano
Santa Outfit.
Tony Soprano
Burn the fuckin' thing.
This is the first Christmas in history I remember him not bein' Santa.
RCRaymond Curto
Ahh... Big Pussy.
We were talkin' the other day about that fat piece o' shit. When he got back from Boca in Christmas in '95, how he wasn't himself.
Tony Soprano
What happened to uh... not wastin' your breath on the cocksucker?
RCRaymond Curto
Two faced fuck. To sell out your friends and save your own ass. It's despicable. That's one ride I would've loved ta been along on.
Tony Soprano
Enough o' this shit. Put up the fuckin' decorations.
Well we still gotta find somebody ta play Santa.
[Everyone stares at Tony]
Tony Soprano
The fuck outta here.
[The crew are pondering who is going to be Santa. Bobby enters the room, and Silvio signals everyone to his likeness]
Tony Soprano
You're right.
What are you talkin' about?
You wanna play Santa Claus at the party this year?
...I don't know. I don't know how.
Eh, what's to know? You ask 'em what they want for Christmas, you give 'em a nice toy, and that's the end of it.
[Paulie slowly rises and marches towards Bobby]
The Boss of this family told you you're gonna be Santa Claus. You're Santa Claus! So shut the fuck up about it.
Tony Soprano
[over the phone] It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast; the guy you're looking for is an ex-commando. He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!
Get the fuck outta here...
Tony Soprano
Yeah, nice huh? He was with the Interior Ministry, guy's some kinda Russian Green Beret. This guy cannot come back to tell this story, you understand?!
Tony Soprano
[connection breaking up] I'm serious, Paulie!
Tony Soprano
Ah, d- FUCK! CALL ME BACK!
[Paulie hangs up and turns to Christopher]
You’re not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator!
...His house looked like shit!
I can't believe it. I fuckin' loved that car.
Probably kids or somethin'.
Tony Soprano
You got the money.
Tony Soprano
It's all I asked you ta do Paulie.
Sorry T, it couldn't be helped. Guy fuckin' lunged at us. [Chris nods yes] Listen Tone, I know I fucked up, but-
Tony Soprano
It's okay, really. Just forget it.
What do ya think? Wanna look fer this guy or what?
Tony Soprano
You tell me. Is it worth it?
I hit 'im in the head Tone. I saw it with my own eyes.
Tony Soprano
Is it possible this fuck made it outta here alive?
It's hard to say. Flesh wound maybe. Head shot, I dunno. On the other hand, anything's possible.
Tony Soprano
[to Paulie] You're a captain. What do you wanna do?
Tony Soprano
Alright. But lets be clear on this right now. This cocksucka crawls out from under a rock, he's your problem, not mine. You deal with Slava, you take the heat. You pay the price. Capice?
"Permanent expulsion". I prayed I would never see this.
Tony Soprano
Even I managed to get through school without getting expelled. You know, maybe it's a... blessing.
Well, I don't see how that could be.
Tony Soprano
The place was too loose, it was too easy.
How could you say that? I got expelled.
Tony Soprano
YOU GOT NOTHING TO SAY 'TIL I TELL YOU! UNLESS I ASK YOU A DIRECT QUESTION!
Tony Soprano
I work hard all day to pay for this six thousand-square foot house, big-screen TVs, food on the table, video games, all kinds of scooters and bicycles, Columbia University, AND FOR WHAT?! TO COME HOME TO THIS?!
[Tony slaps AJ. Carmela is shocked and horrified]
[AJ runs off]
Tony Soprano
There's more where that came from, we're starting a new regime around here!
The school guidance counselor said this might be a cry for help!
Tony Soprano
Aw c'mon, will ya?!
She recommended a school in New Brunswick, Burnwood Day; it's for troubled kids, it has a psychologist right on staff.
Tony Soprano
No. No more fuckin' schools that coddle him, he's going to military school.
Tony Soprano
That's right, I got some brochures.
You got school brochures?
Tony Soprano
Yeah, from Janice; she was gonna send Harper there but she didn't have the money and it was too fuckin' late!
Tony Soprano
We're looking at those brochures!
You wanna train him to be a professional killer?
Tony Soprano
Oh will you stop! They're soldiers. And the United States Army hardly ever goes to war anymore.
They were marching with rifles, Tony.
Tony Soprano
The barrels are plugged! They're symbolic!
Tony Soprano
Respect!
He will be subjected to the discipline of kids hardly older than himself. Does that seem smart? Boys his age still kill frogs and small animals.
Tony Soprano
The Cusamano's Binky? The cherry bomb with the nails in it, you think it was AJ?
No, that is what I'm trying to tell you. He is still a child. He's a normal child. He's made some mistakes. God knows, he's got a shitload to learn about life. That does not mean that I'm gonna let you send him to the type of school whose whole reason for being is to make him follow orders by instilling fear.
Tony Soprano
He thinks the world owes him a fuckin' livin'.
What could've given him that bizarre idea?
Tony Soprano
We tried it your way for fifteen years now, with Berry Brazel to validatin' his feelings and that fuckin' school did the same thing and what a surprise. He thinks the world runs on his feelings! Well, he's gonna go learn to be a man.
I will not send him to that place.
World really went downhill after the World Trade Center. You know, Quasimodo predicted all of this.
Tony Soprano
Who did what?
All these problems, the middle east. The end o' the world.
Tony Soprano
Nostradamus. Quasimodo's the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Tony Soprano
Nostradamus and Notre Dame, that's two different things completely.
It's interesting though they'd be so similar, isn't it? And I always thought, "OK, Hunchback of Notre Dame. You also got your quarterback and your halfback of Notre Dame".
Tony Soprano
One's a fucking cathedral!
Obviously, I know. I'm just sayin'. It's interesting, the coincidence. What, you're gonna tell me you never pondered that? The back thing with Notre Dame?
Tony Soprano
No!
The therapist told her it is her "right" to go to Europe.
Tony Soprano
Whoa, whoa, she actually thinks this a good ide- [sits on a bowl of cereal, tosses it onto Meadow's desk] She actually thinks this is a good idea?
She says it's no big deal, I can pick up my education wherever, whenever.
Meadow Soprano Wendy said she can get me into a school in Barcelona if I decided to stay.
Tony Soprano
Who's "Wendy"?
Tony Soprano
I could take Melfi's head and crush it like a fuckin' walnut.
[getting out of bed] I've gotta get to the salon.
Did you tell "Wendy" you didn't work all summer?
Meadow Soprano[sarcastically] Wait, you're right, I forgot to mention the "pivotal role" of the work ethic in this family!
You can lose that smart mouth right now.
Or what? What is this, Afghanistan? I'm over eighteen now, I'm a grown woman, I can go wherever I want and do what I want.
Alright! Jesus, God, we know that! Is that your only point here? Because "just" getting what you want is for babies, not adults.
It may interest you to know she thinks I probably should be on Prozac.
Tony Soprano
She said that?
Jackie was murdered! I know you think it's nothing screaming my head off at the Columbia-Army game wouldn't cure.
Tony Soprano
Alright, look, I've been thinking about this: now you're a smart girl, the right move is for you to wait. Just until next year maybe?
You know what I don't understand, Dad? You were all in favor of me going.
Tony Soprano
Your mother doesn't want it.
Meadow Soprano [sarcastically] Wow, listen to "Mr. Mob Boss"!
Tony Soprano
What did you call me?
Meadow Soprano All this fucking pussyfooting around, years now? Why don't we just get it out all there?
[Tony is furious, and marches up to Meadow's face]
Tony Soprano
Shut up.
Tony Soprano
[to Meadow] You got something you wanna say to me?
Tony Soprano
What do I mean? What do you mean? All these innuendoes. You inferring to me that I didn't do everything I could to keep that kid from fucking himself up? That yeah, knowing him and his family... that I didn't try to be a better dad to him than his own dad, God rest his soul? That I didn't try to protect Jackie Junior? That I didn't actually smack him around, 'cause I was so frustrated? Is that what you're trying to tell me?
[breaking down in tears] I'm through telling people you help with environmental cleanup!
Tony Soprano
That's not what I asked you.
Like you could talk honestly for three fucking seconds!
Tony Soprano
You try me!
[...]
I've made my plans, I'm going to Europe, and I'm getting the fuck out of here! [runs out of her room]
Tony Soprano
So how's yer love life?
Why don't you mind your goddamn business?
Tony Soprano
I don't know, it kinda feels like it is my business considerin' I had to haul your last boyfriend outta your kitchen in a hefty bag.
You're a miserable fuck. You know that? You're just like Ma.
Tony Soprano
Oh yeah?
Yeah really, with your condescension and your sabotage. For your information, Ralph is a great guy.
Tony Soprano
Trust me, I got more information than I need about Ralphie.
Well it's always something, Tony. What are you, threatened by the fact that he has a sense of style?
Tony Soprano
Oh a sense of style?
Ralph Lauren? Collegiate?
Tony Soprano
Let me ask you a question Janice, do I know this guy better than you? Cause I'm tellin' you, he's no fuckin' good.
My happiness really drives you crazy, doesn't it, Tony?
The Sopranos · 454 quotes
