Tony Soprano quotes from The Sopranos

Tony Soprano

Alright, fine; you tell me who told you about him, we'll bring him in here. He corroborates with what you're saying, I'll give you Ralph on a platter.

Johnny Sack

Is nothing scared? I mean, this is my wife we're talking about here. If this was years ago would I even have had to ask? I mean, what happened to this thing? For God's sake, we bend more rules than the Catholic Church!

Tony Soprano

Alright look, let's assume for the sake of argument Ralph said what you think he said - is clipping him going to un-ring that bell?

Nobody's getting clipped.

Johnny Sack

I want satisfaction.

Silvio Dante

Will you accept an apology?

Johnny Sack

That ship that has sailed.

You're being unreasonable, John!

Johnny Sack

Ralph Cifaretto the only one who can handle the Esplanade? Put Pontecorvo in there.

There's millions of dollars at stake.

Johnny Sack

Again with the money?

Yeah, again with the money. It's settled, John. So either name a price or get the fuck over it.

[on the phone] I took John to dinner last night. Ralph's got a big problem, kid.

Tony Soprano

I thought you squashed it?

I did. Problem is, I don't know if John's hearing me.

Tony Soprano

So, what are you gonna do about it?

Me? Nothing.

Tony Soprano

What does that mean?

I didn't say nothing. We share the Esplanade, Tony. I don't want that apple cart upset.

Tony Soprano

Yeah, then somebody should do something about it.

I appreciate your thoughts.

Tony Soprano

[after a long pause] You saying what I think you're saying?

I didn't say nothing.

Alright then, I'll talk to you.

Tony Soprano

Twenty years I've been friends with John. Now he's gotta go.

Christopher Moltisanti

All over a stupid joke.

Ralph Cifaretto

I was fuckin' around. Fer chrissakes, you never made a joke about Ginny Sack?

Silvio Dante

Not like that.

Tony Soprano

Of course not!

Ralph Cifaretto

Yeah, well fuck him and his high-fillutin' bullshit. Who does he think he is? Sir Walter Raleigh?

Johnny Sack

He's got a bad history Tony. Cute cocksucker could wind up dead.

Tony Soprano

What are you sayin' here?

Johnny Sack

He's a two faced fucking prick.

Tony Soprano

I thought Ralph was your friend.

Johnny Sack

Right. That's rich. Did you hear what my friend said about my wife? Made a crack about Ginny's weight. Something about her havin' a ninety pound mole on her ass.

Tony Soprano

Well that's uh...that's deplorable. Who told you this?

Johnny Sack

What's important was that it was said.

Tony Soprano

Well if he did say it, I didn't hear it. Cause he knows better than to make a remark like that when I'm around.

Carmela Soprano

You bought a racehorse?

Tony Soprano

No, I didn't buy it.

Carmela Soprano

It followed you home?

Tony Soprano

Did you ever know anybody that uh...ever committed suicide?

Janice Soprano

Plenty. I used to live in Seattle, Tony.

Artie Bucco

The cobwebs are now removed.

Tony Soprano

The fuck are ya talkin' about?!

Artie Bucco

You saw this whole thing, didn't you? You knew exactly what was gonna happen. You can see twenty moves down the road. Please...I don't blame you, I envy you. It's like an instinct, like a hawk sees a little mouse movin' around a corn field from a mile up.

Tony Soprano

You think it's my fault you're fuckin' lyin' in here?

Artie Bucco

It's just that somebody mentions fifty grand, to bankroll a French digestif, and your mind goes through all the permutations at like, internet speed and realizes, "Oh, worst case scenario, I eat for free."

Tony Soprano

You fuckin' suicide. You're disgraceful!

Artie Bucco

I'm sorry.

Tony Soprano

Nah, fuck that!!! Does anybody else know it was me that loaned you the money?

Artie Bucco

Like who?

Tony Soprano

Like who? I don't give a fuck who. Adriana, Father Intintola, my wife...anybody? (Artie nods no) Alright...ya...ya...ya got mugged. Outside o' yer house. It was a street crime. Kids, they took yer wallet and yer watch. Where are they?

Artie Bucco

Why?

Tony Soprano

Come on! (Tony takes Artie's belongings) Why? You don't care what people think. Well, I do. Enough people hate me! You fought back. They ripped yer earrin' outta yer ear, you were bleedin', you went inside yer house, you...you took a bunch o' pills to kill the pain 'cuz you knew you'd have to wait at the emergency room for a couple o' hours.

Artie Bucco

Ton', they pumped my stomach, they saw the almanac.

Tony Soprano

You got fuckin' mugged. Do you understand me? I didn't loan you shit!

Tony Soprano

So, over the next couple of years, more and more, I'm gonna be givin' my orders through you and then finally...only through you.

Christopher Moltisanti

But what about Sil, you got that with him...and Paulie.

Tony Soprano

Those other guys, Sil...Paulie, there's one thing they're not...they're not my blood. You hear what I'm sayin' to you. It's a matter of trust.

Christopher Moltisanti

It's very wise

Tony! What's goin' on? What's up? (Tony removes his belt) Look, why don't you just calm down and...

Tony Soprano

I'm perfectly calm.

Well, we can talk about whatever is botherin' you.

Tony Soprano

Yeah?

Tony, this is crazy... ah, Tony, Tony! (Tony beats Zellman with his belt) Come on...fuck!

Irina Peltsin

Tony, no!

Ow! Tony, ow, Tony! Ow!

Tony Soprano

All the girls in New Jersey, you had ta fuck this one? Go ahead, cry like a bitch.

Janice Soprano

Three thousand dollars.

Tony Soprano

How'd you come up with that figure?

Janice Soprano

It's a number that I thought you'd say yes to.

Tony Soprano

You thought right.

Janice Soprano

So, what have you heard?

Tony Soprano

You pay me three thousand dollars, I'll answer your questions.

Janice Soprano

He bottoms from the top.

Tony Soprano

I don't even know what that means...

Janice Soprano

Means...he has to control things but he pretends he doesn't. Like he'd make me fuck him with a strap on and call him my bitch...shit like that.

Tony Soprano

What about plain old fuckin'?

Janice Soprano

I'm tellin' you, he can't get hard that way, and if he could, I don't think that he'd want to.

Tony Soprano

Jesus Christ, you did it. You cooked that fuckin' horse alive.

Ralph Cifaretto

No, I did NOT! But so what?!

Tony Soprano

SO WHAT?!

Ralph Cifaretto

It was a FUCKIN' animal! A hundred grand a piece! My kid's in the fuckin' hospital! I don't hear you complainin' when I bring you a nice fat envelope. You don't give a shit where that comes from! [off his glare] Don't give me that look. It was a fuckin' horse! What are you, a vegetarian? You eat beef and sausage by the fuckin' cartload-

Christopher Moltisanti

(shocked at Ralph's wig) Ahhh! Holy shit! I had no idea. Did you?

Tony Soprano

'Course I did. You're so high on scag, you wouldn't know if he had your mother's muff on his head.

Christopher Moltisanti

(about Ralph) That poor fuckin' guy...

Paulie Walnuts

Fuck him and his alligator tears.

Tony Soprano

Paulie, his kid's in the hospital. A little fuckin' sympathy, huh?

Paulie Walnuts

That gives him a pass? I don't care if he's got a hundred kids in the ICU with arrows in their heads...he's a piece o' shit. You know it, and I know it.

Christopher Moltisanti

I'm sorry T-

Tony Soprano

Shut the fuck up and listen ta me. You're my nephew Christopher and I love you, and that's the only reason you're alive right now. If it were anybody else, anybody, they woulda had their fuckin' intervention right through the back o' their head.

Tony Soprano

The old guys were different. Men in the front. Wives in the back.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi

You like that arrangement.

Tony Soprano

Actually, I think the wives should ride in a little cart, behind the car...like in the cartoons. Like behind Noah's ark, there's a little boat with the skunks.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi

So wives are skunks?

Tony Soprano

Ah, Jesus fuckin' Christ! It's a fuckin' joke. Does it have to be like a cancer hospital in here?

Dr. Jennifer Melfi

But Carmela is in control in the dream...

Tony Soprano

Why, cuz she's drivin'?