Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

This makes up for everything that's ever gone wrong in my life – or ever will!

Homer

How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?!

Homer

When you married a man who would years later, without warning, become a tow-truck driver, you knew what the deal would eventually be.

Homer

Crème brûlée! Crème brûlée! Or, in English: Burnt cream! Burnt cream!

Homer

Now all I have to do is think of a clever line before I pull the trigger. [Thinks.] Oh, that’s a perfect one. But I don’t need to say it out loud ‘cause I’m by myself.

Homer

[transforms into spaghetti on the "Gluttony" stage] More bread, please.

Homer

[in the "Sloth" stage] I thought I was killed by that magic spaghetti. [naps, shreds into pieces on a hammock]

Homer

Bart, stop talking to yourself. That'll show him. Now, how am I going to find out what color Marge's eyes are?

Homer

Anyone where your family is? Show me on Mapquest. [Santa's Little Helper snarls angrily with his own teeth.] Oh, fine! Google Maps.

Homer

[sharing his and Marge's items into separate boxes] Okay, I'll keep the LPs, and you take the CDs, I'll take the typewriter, you take the computer, I'll take the Enron stock, you take the Microsoft stock, and...

Homer

[sighs] Seeing Marge always reminds me of Marge.

Homer

[narrating] I had finally realized every rock star's dream: Hating being famous.

Homer

He who is tired of Weird Al, is tired of life.

Homer

Happy Valentine's Day, and shut your gob!

Homer

Oh boy, dinner time! The perfect break between work and drunk.