Darryl Philbin quotes from The Office (US)

Darryl

I taught Mike some, uh, some phrases to help with his interracial conversation. You know, stuff like, "fleece it out," "going mach 5," "dinkin' flicka." You know, things us Negroes say.

Darryl

You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There's tons of cuties and it's easy to talk to them. "Hey, what book is that? Cool, let's hang out tonight. Sex already? Whoa."

Darryl

My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl.

Darryl

I decided to stay home, eat a bunch of tacos in my basement. Now my basement smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement. And taco air is heavy. It settles at the lowest point.

Darryl

My future isn't going to be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's going to be determined by two big black balls.

Darryl

Seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets.

Darryl

Every day when I came into work, all I wanted to do was leave. So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now?

Michael

Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone?

Darryl

How about the sales team is the sails?

Michael

[nonplussed] Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good.

Andy

That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.

Michael

He's not the worst. Okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. Remember? That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though. [starts drinking coffee] Mmm! It's not cappuccino.

Oscar

He messed yours up, too.

Darryl

He's got to go, Mike.

Michael

It's just coffee, guys. But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay?

Andy

Why does Erin like Gabe?

Darryl

Andy, look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters...I'd choose you.

Andy

That's really nice. Thank you.

Darryl

And I'd blow your mind.

Darryl

In the warehouse, we'd use code names for people we want to talk about. Andy was Jelly roll, Michael was Dennis the Menace, Ryan was Douchebag.

Ryan

Hey, that's not a code name, that's just an insult.

Oscar

Plus, everyone would know who you meant.

Ryan

Yeah.

Andy

You are not the manager. I earned that job. I was personally chosen after Robert was chosen and quit.

Robert

Andy, why don't you just take a seat?

Andy

Why don't you take a seat, you idiot? [throws chair]

Erin

And why don't you take all your stupid memos and your stupid pens and your dumb caramels?

Andy

And your stupid face! [grabs Nellie's photo off the wall and smashes it on the ground]And your stupid office! AHHH!

Darryl

He does not like that wall.

Nellie

This next one goes to Darryl for pocket-dialing a customer while having sex. Oh, you salty dog!

Darryl

Well, you know, what can I say? A playa's gotta play.

There you go.

Darryl

[to the camera crew] Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti, but I'm a let them think the other thing.