Creed Bratton quotes from The Office (US)

Creed

So hey, I wanna set you up with my daughter.

Jim

Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.

Creed

I thought you were gay.

Jim

Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?

Creed

I don't know.

Andy

Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! We actually sat down, and did the math.

Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's how many minutes, that you've worked here.

Pam

In costumes!

Jim

And impressions!

Toby

In meetings.

And cups of coffee.

Kevin

For birthdays!

Stanley

More meetings and...

...E-mail forwards you made us read.

Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's like watching Die Hard, eighty thousand times!

Meredith

You hit me with your car!

Ryan

You helped me get off drugs!

Creed

I watch you when you sleep.

Oscar

I forgive you for kissing me!

Remember to call. Call. Remember to call. Call. Remember to call. Call.

Call, text or e-mail, or call.

Deangelo

[falsetto] Measure your life in love!

Remember to call, remember to call. Remember to call.

Pam

[Pretending to be a client so Creed doesn't ruin the company] Hello, this is...the client.

Creed

It's Creed. FYI, I'm starting my own paper company, looking to poach some chumps. You in?

Pam Beesly

Yes.

Creed

[Laughs] Cool. Let's keep this on the QT, OK? I don't want you to be a dead mama jama.

Phyllis

I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. Hmm, funny how that works.

Meredith

[Scoffs] We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party!

Nellie

Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-cupcakes?

Kevin

Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?

Dwight

What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas' rural German companion, Belsnickel.

Jim

Yes! That, that, that! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement?

Kevin

No.

Angela

No!

Jim

Done, right?

Angela

No.

Stanley

No. I want Tropical Christmas.

Meredith

Topless Christmas.

Creed

Tapas Swiss Miss.