Michael Scott quotes from The Office (US)

Michael

Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.

Michael

Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.

Michael

It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious but I'm a little stitious.

Michael

Guess what. I have flaws. What are they?. Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me!.. No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I am trying to make.

Michael

I'm not superstitious, but I...I am a little stitious.

Michael

Yeah, Ryan snapped at me. But there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on which said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me and you trust me. And we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man. And I love you." His words.

Michael

Computers are about trying to murder you in a lake.

Michael

WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?!

Michael

It was a pretty disappointing day. It was kind of a slap in the face, to realize that I wasn't as important as I thought I was to a certain young executive. Who I had cared about. But you know, I'm not going to cry about it. I did that on the way home.

Michael

Yes. Money has been a little tight lately. But, at the end of my life, when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I'm going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money-wise.

Michael

What part of "shorn't" don't you understand?

Michael

Friends joke with one another. Hey you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends do.

Michael

[learning he is not father of Jan's baby] You cheated on me...when I specifically asked you not to?

Michael

What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

Michael

I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me. And I think it's because they see me as one of them. But... cooler and with my life put together a little bit more. If a baby were President, there would be no taxes. There would be no war. There would be no... government, and... things could get terrible. And actually probably it would be a better screenplay idea then a serious suggestion.