Kermit the Frog quotes from The Muppet Show

Kermit

What's all this smoke?

Fozzie

Uh... that is not smoke.

Kermit

It is not smoke? Then what is it?

Fozzie

It's jet exhaust.

Kermit

Jet exhaust?

Fozzie

Oh, look out! Here comes another one!

Kermit

Now I'm stuck on you!

Miss Piggy

Oh, at last, my frog wants me! Oh, thank you! [notices he's literally stuck on her] Oh... Oh... Will you let... Will you - Get away from me! What is this?

I mean, you know, Kermit, sometimes I don't know what space you are coming from.

Kermit

Well, it's just a regular backstage space.

It's about this next number - I would really rather not do it.

Kermit

What, you mean the number with the pigs dressed as pirates, and the chickens playing some bagpipes, and you dancing with a 7-foot door knob?

Hmm. It's just one cliche after another.

Kermit

Boy, it wasn't spooky like this when Julie Andrews did the show!

[to Alice] You sir, are a freako!

Why, thank you!

Kermit

Gonzo, I should never have let you talk me into doing the show from a railroad depot.

But it was the only place available! They were having a tournament at the bowling alley.

Kermit

I just want to know more about this wedding sketch, I mean. I've got to learn my lines, Piggy.

Miss Piggy

Well.. you only have one line.

Kermit

I do?

Miss Piggy

Exactly.

Miss Piggy

You know, I really like the water.

Kermit

Oh, I am glad.

Miss Piggy

Which means, after we're married, we can live at your place.

Kermit

Hey Bo, I've got a job for you!

Oh, good.

Kermit

Yeah. Just look at this mess.

Okay, that sounds easy enough.

Fozzie

[handing Rowlf a script] Hey, guys, guys – here is the musical moment for this week.

Uh... [reading] Curtains open. Lew Zealand and Rowlf do something funny. Curtains close.

Fozzie

Go get them!

Kermit

And we leave nothing to chance, huh?

Fozzie

Trust me.

You know, Kermit, I thought you were the only person on this show who wasn't crazy.

Kermit

Me, not crazy? I hired the others.

Kermit the Frog

Welcome to The Muppet Show. We have great show tonight, Because our special guest star a famous director, screen writer, and the star of the popular movie called Rocky, Sylvester Stallone. [a group of teenage girls jumps to the stage] GET OUT OF THERE! [to the audience] Sorry about that, folks. Now anyways, We will like to start with a little Hawaiian number.

Is Sylvester going to wear a Hawaiian skirt?

Kermit the Frog

[to the girl] NO! HE IS NOT IN THE OPENING NUMBER! Please get back to seat! Uh, curtains!

Well, that was really joyful.

Kermit the Frog

Okay, Well, The time has come to say goodbye. Because we don't have much else to say.

And if you're worried about Fozzie. Rest assure, he is scared.

Kermit the Frog

But before we go, let's have one last round of applause for the one and only, Sylvester Stallone!

And his pet Birdie!

Kermit the Frog

YAYYYYYYYYYY!

Yippee!

Sylvester Stallone

Oh, thank you, Gonzo. Birdie thanks you too. Well, thank you, Kermit. Bless you at all, I had a wonderful time. And Birdie came back. I only hope I didn't hurt the talking punching bag.

Hey, what hurt? Come on, Stallone, give us one last punch for old time's sake.

Sylvester Stallone

Okay. [punches the punching bag]

[chuckles] Hey, Stallone, that's my kind of guy.

Kermit the Frog

Okay. That's it for now. Hey, listen, be with us next time when our guest will be one of the world's greatest tuned slam players.

Thank you again for telling me.

Sylvester Stallone

Thanks for seeing Birdie. You made me the happiest star of all.

We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!

Kermit the Frog

You all have been a wonderful laugh track.

Kermit the Frog

Listen, Roy, at this point, I usually say good night to everybody, but, tonight, I'd appreciate it if you said it your way.

Well, I'd be glad to, Kermit. [To the audience] Until we meet again, on the screen or in person, good-bye, good luck and may the good Lord take a likin' to you.

Kermit the Frog

That's it.

Kermit

Uh, Gonzo, that is terrible! I'm not going to introduce you for a crummy act like that!

Sick 'em!

Kermit

O.K! O.K! O.K! O.K! I'll introduce him.

Meow!!

Kermit

Ungh! And now, here he is, ladies and gentlemen, uh, your one and you're welcome to him, Gonzo the Great! Off, off, off, off, off!!