Gonzo quotes from The Muppet Show

Well, she's nothing like you at all. She is beautiful, and she's got this cute little nose... [sniffs] and she's intelligent... [sniffs] and talented...

[to the cow] Wow, you have got a great pair of legs! In fact, she's got two great pairs of legs!

Kermit, cancel my bread impersonation act! They didn't deliver my poppy seeds. You wouldn't want me to walk out there NAKED, would you?

Hey, Kermit, are you busy?

Kermit

Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a minute.

What would I do with your ear?

Kermit

[exasperated] Van Gogh impressions.

You'll all see because there's only one Great Gonzo, only one!

Kermit

Thank goodness for that.

Oh, hold my hand, pig-of-my-dreams! Just touch me, oh, hog-of-my-heart!

Miss Piggy

Here's a touch for you, wimp-buzzard, HAI-YA!

[singing while following Miss Piggy] She kissed me! She put her arms around me and she kissed me!

Miss Piggy

[humiliated] It was that case of the mistaken identity!

Hug me, Miss Piggy! Hold me!

Miss Piggy

I will not hug you, you...twit turkey!

Oh, hold my hand, pig-of-my-dreams!

Miss Piggy

Will you beat it, twerp?!

Just touch me, oh, hog-of-my-heart!

Miss Piggy

Here's a touch for you, wimp-buzzard!

I'm ready!

Miss Piggy

HAI-YA! [karate-chops Gonzo, and leaves]

[singing dazed] She touched me...She swung her porky pinkies and she touched me! [faints]

Kermit

Piggy, while I appreciate this offer of affection, I hope you will understand when I tell you, as usual, that I do not want you.

Oh, then can I have her?

Miss Piggy

HAI-YA! [standing between Kermit and Gonzo, she karate-chops both of them, one with each hand] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.

Could I help you out?

Berle

Please.

Which way did you came in?

Hey, how's it going, Mr. Berle?

Milton Berle

Oh, I'm gonna start with you, now. "How's it going?" It's going terribly. It's going -- these guys have been picking on me, insulting me, ever since I started.

Well, could I help you out?

Milton Berle

Please, huh?

Which way did you came in?

Milton Berle

[grabs Gonzo by the nose and pushes him aside] Get outta here! I've had it, I've had it! Here we go AGAIN!!

Kermit

A tap-dancing chicken act? Gonzo, I've never heard of anything as ridiculous as a dancing chicken.

How about a talking frog?

Hey, Fozzie, what is on stage next?

Fozzie

I don't know, what's on stage now?

Nothing.

Fozzie

NOTHING'S ON STAGE?

What's the soup du jour?

Same as yesterday.

Good, I'll have that and a chicken.

How do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled, or barbecued?

I want the chicken for company!

Kermit

Gonzo, I should never have let you talk me into doing the show from a railroad depot.

But it was the only place available! They were having a tournament at the bowling alley.

Liberace uses no chickens in his concert.

Oh, then maybe he'll see me.

He's only seeing birds.

I'm a bird. Yeah, I am a, I am a turkey.

You are not a real turkey.

Are you kidding? Have you seen my act?