Paul Simon quotes from The Muppet Show

Paul Simon

I love it, but of course, I know fifty ways to love your lever.

Fozzie Bear

Simple Simon met a pieman! "Going to the fair?" said Simple Simon to the pieman!

Paul Simon

Uh, let me have a custard pie to go.

Fozzie Bear

To go where?

Paul Simon

Well, here! [pies Fozzie Bear in the face]

Paul Simon

You know, if he's going to do this to one of my tunes, I can fight back, you know.

What are you gonna do?

Paul Simon

I'm going to take the chickens. Hey girls! There's a party over at my place! Come on over! [the chickens flock to Paul]

Oh no, you can't do this to me, come on, this is treason!

Am I interrupting anything?

Paul Simon

Hey Gonzo! Come on in!

Thank you!

Paul Simon

Can I tell you something?

Sure.

Paul Simon

You are my favourite muppet.

Wow! Thank you, Paul. Is it alright if I call you Paul?

Paul Simon

Oh yeah, sure.

And you can call me Gonzo the Great! Well, that's enough about me. Which one of my songs do you want to hear?

Paul Simon

Which one of your songs?

You don't think I'm musically educated?

Paul Simon

Oh, I think you're musically educated, it's just that I—

Good. Hand me that clarinet. [gestures to Paul's guitar]

Paul Simon

Gonzo, you know, this clarinet is my very favourite... clarinet, and I really prefer that no one else actually play it besides myself.

But I'll-but I'll guard it with my life!

Paul Simon

[sighs] I feared you would say that.