Sgt. Floyd Pepper quotes from The Muppet Show

Me and the gang have decided not to end our gig here.

Kermit

Oh, good!

If...

Kermit

Uh-huh? If what?

If I can write the new theme song.

Kermit

Oh! Oh, that'll be fine with me.

No, it won't, man.

Kermit

Uh, why not?

You'll hate my music! You won't understand it!

Kermit

Well, now listen here. I-I'm pretty hip too, you know.

Not hip enough. Nobody understands my music. I mean, I don't even understand it.

Kermit

You don't?

If I didn't know I was a genius, I wouldn't listen to the trash I write.

Hey, hey, what's this bummer called again?

Minuet in G Major.

Uh, we'll send it back in to the minors.

Oh, no, you couldn't take Animal on any long road trips, Lou.

Why not, man? The cat is good.

No, you couldn't get a long enough chain!

Fozzie

You see, my problem was my need to tell jokes.

Yeah! And that was our problem, too! [laughs]

Fozzie Bear

Boy, you sure are heavy. You must least weighed a ton.

Well, that's good. That means she's lost weight! [laughs]

Fozzie Bear

Floyd, you shouldn't laugh at Piggy. I mean, she must be terrified.

Terrified? She's petrified! [laughs]

Hey, great news, Miss Piggy! You'll be back to normal in no time. I just got this new book called, "Sandblasting Without Pain"! [laughs]

Hey, hey, Gonzo!

Yeah?

Yeah! Did you know that Miss Piggy is very worried about Kermit?

Worried about Kermit? Why?

Well, she's afraid that she'll have to take him for granite! [laughs]

Kermit

OK. OK, guys. Enough with these big cheap shots.

Aw, come on! I've got another page to go yet.

Kermit

Floyd, how could you be so cruel to a fellow performer? Someone you've known and work with for years. I mean, just take a look at her. She's suffered enough. Have pity upon her.

Miss Piggy

[affectionally] Mmmmmmmm.

Oh, you're right. Well, what will I do with these jokes?

Kermit

Burn them. [leaves to the stage]

[to Miss Piggy] You heard what the frog said. [strikes a match on her]

Miss Piggy

[painfully] MMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

[laughs]