The Muppet Show quotes

That's one of the reasons I always thought the Muppets are weird. They think explosions are funny. Explosions aren't funny.

...although, some of them are really quite droll.

Kermit

[after Juliet called him "the Robert Redford of frogs"] You're gonna be coming back on this show a LOT!

Yeah, whadya think?

Beats sitting home watching television.

Mahna Mahna!

Miss Piggy

Do you prefer Shakespeare to Bacon?

I'd prefer anything to bacon.

Yeah, what'd ya think?

Beats sitting at home watching television.

Mahna Mahna!

Ernie... did I make a complete fool of myself?

[patting Bert's shoulder] Absolutely, Bert.

Hm. Do you think this show is educational?

Yes. It'll drive people to read books.

Fozzie

Bug off? What kind of joke was that?

Kermit

That was no joke, Fozzie.

Fozzie

That was my wife!

More! More!

No, not so loud: they may hear you!

Hey, listen, how about you, and me getting together, and making some steam heat. Huh, snuggle bunny?

Miss Piggy

Snuggle bunnny? Why, uh...

Yeah. Look, let me take you away from all this. Ah, a marriage made in heaven! A frog and a pig. And we can have bouncing baby figs!

Well, did you like the show?

No I didn't. No I didn't. No I didn't.

I hear you come from a broken home.

Yeah, I broke it myself!

Yes, uh, well, uhn-huh. I still couldn't find the chewing gum.

Kermit

Your salary is 20 a week.

Could you make it 25?

Kermit

Are you kidding? I can't afford it!

Gee, my uncle will be really disappointed.

Kermit

How about 30?

Pay up, they made it through another one.

Double or nothing on next week's show?

You're on.