Beauregard quotes from The Muppet Show

Oh, good evening, I'm Beauregard, welcome again to The Muppet Show. And boy, do we have a treat in store, because our guest star tonight is one of your all-time terrific, never-to-miss comedians, the king of nuttiness, Mr. Jonathan Winters! What good news. Well, uh, uh, so much for the good news. I got a sand bag to surprise him. The grand news is I found his old props. That'll surprise him. And tonight is my night to fix Jonathan's act.

And now, to scare him away, here they are, The old gypsy lady, Annie Sue, and some gypsy pigs singing their story song "Golden Earrings".

It's almost time for the closing number. I'll let you know.

Kermit the Frog

Uh, it's a real honor to introduce our special guest star tonight, ladies and gentlemen. He's a comedy genius, a man of a million characters, and here he is now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. —

Allow me. (pushes Kermit away) Grand News. I found his old props and this will surprise him.

Please! Please. Help me. The gypsy curse is upon us, I tell you.

Observe. Of course, I can help you.

(sobs) You can? Oh, thank you, Beauregard, All my props are gone! I'm — I'm ruined! I'm ruined.

(to Jonathan angrily by slap face) No, you're not! (to the lens) Watch this. (to Jonathan angrily) You mean your props, like this? (shows Jonathan to his Props)

(saw his props have returned and screams) My props! I thought they were gone and I was ruined and... All my props are back! I'm — I'm back in business! Finally! Oh, (happily in tears) Thank you, Beauregard. My hero. (to Propsy) Propsy, how I missed you.

I am sure this did hold him and scared him. He named Props Propsy. All his props are back, Returned props, check, now, what's next on my list to fix Jonathan's act? Fozzie's Prop Box for all his props. Perfect. Fozzie's Prop Box, check.

Kermit the Frog

Oh, good. You're ready. With your props back. Thanks, Beauregard. (goes onstage) Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I think we're all ready back there now. Uh, here he is, uh, Mr. Jonathan Winters! YAAAYY!

Boy, that Old Gypsy Lady gave me a great introduction for the closing number, now that I became his hero, I get to take over from here. (clears his throat) Now let's thank our guest star, the king of nuttiness, Jonathan Winters! YAY!

Oh, Thank you, Beauregard, my props have came back. I have never so felt alive before, it was a nice Svensky. For me? A crown! Finally! (puts on his crown) Thank you.

That's it for now. I'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

(gasp!) Your majesty!

Paul Simon

You know, if he's going to do this to one of my tunes, I can fight back, you know.

What are you gonna do?

Paul Simon

I'm going to take the chickens. Hey girls! There's a party over at my place! Come on over! [the chickens flock to Paul]

Oh no, you can't do this to me, come on, this is treason!

You are trying to make me feel better. But I know, THE END IS NEAR!!!

Kermit the Frog

UH, NO! THE END IS NOW! [(To the audience)] We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!