The Muppet Show quotes

Kermit

Can we get back to the subject at hand... Florence?

Well, there's no question in my mind!

Kermit

[after a pause] As to what?

Nothing! There's no question in my mind! Ha ha! No answers either.

That man is annoying me.

He isn't even looking at you.

That's what's annoying me.

Hey, Kermit, are you busy?

Kermit

Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a minute.

What would I do with your ear?

Kermit

[exasperated] Van Gogh impressions.

This is D for Doc B for Bob saying turn off the Joy Juice [laughs then puts gas mask to his left ear] Hmm? [speaks into it] Ten-Roger, Ok where were we? Pulse?

[checks pulse] (gasps) No pulse Dr Bob

Hmmm, Heartbeat?

[checks heartbeat] No heartbeat Dr Bob

No pulse, no heartbeat, no use. He's gone!

And Dr Bob your record was so good, you saved nine out of ten

My record is still good, this week he was ten

And so Dr Bob's record is still good, it is top on the medical fame, with a bullet, tune in next when we will hear nurse Piggy say...

I hope nobody hears about this Dr Bob

At least he wont say anything, hahaha!

I get it! haha! I get it! (laughs with him)

You'll all see because there's only one Great Gonzo, only one!

Kermit

Thank goodness for that.

[gulps] I hardly know where to begin.

Kermit

Well, Piggy, sometimes, the truth hurts.

Miss Piggy

Hurt? I'll show you hurt, Kermie!

Kermit

Okay, okay, good bit, good bit, good ending, and sorry about the head.

Fozzie

My cousin is so dumb, he thinks eggs benedict is a Mafia gangster!

Kermit

I've seen cheeseburgers funnier than that!

Fozzie

Would you lend me a fiver till pay day? I gotta pay my writer, the legendary 'Gags' Beasley.

Kermit

The legendary 'Gags' comes pretty cheap, doesn't he?

Fozzie

Well, we worked out a great deal.

Kermit

You pay him by the line?

Fozzie

No, I pay him by the laugh.

Kermit

Oh, then he owes you money.

Kermit

...and so, that means our show tonight will be a real bang up affar-

Did somebody say bang?

Kermit

Uh, no. [gets blown into Statler and Waldorf's box]

Miss Piggy

Kermit, dear, did you know that every time we have a beautiful girl on this show, you forget about me?

Kermit

Yeah, well, we could have a seal act on this show, Piggy, and I might forget about you.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

Think of the safety. Think of the sense of well-being. And, at last, your family can be protected from the heartbreak of gorilla invasion.

It's too late, Dr. Bob. We've lost him.

Well, he couldn't have gone so far. He was under the sheet just a second ago.

You think that's bad? For the first three months of my life there was a newspaper strike!