The Muppet Show Season 3 quotes

What's the soup du jour?

Same as yesterday.

Good, I'll have that and a chicken.

How do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled, or barbecued?

I want the chicken for company!

[to Miss Piggy] I never thought it could happen. I've been an admirer of yours ever since I was a little baby, you know?

Kermit

What's all this smoke?

Fozzie

Uh... that is not smoke.

Kermit

It is not smoke? Then what is it?

Fozzie

It's jet exhaust.

Kermit

Jet exhaust?

Fozzie

Oh, look out! Here comes another one!

[to the stage hands in the rafters] Hey, somebody kill that light!

[to Bunsen] Well, do you see. I don't mind assisting, but I'm not crazy about the idea of guinea-pigging.

Sorry I was late. I had to change the bus across town, and the traffic was terrible.

Miss Piggy

Never mind. Just get me out of here.

[noticing Uncle Deadly's boots] Say, I know those boots. Weren't you a flamenco dancer in Kansas City?

Why yes, I was.

Harry's Boom Boom Room?

You caught my act?

I could never figure out how you did that passé double thing, though.

Miss Piggy

Paso doble.

Oh, quite simple, my boy. Quite simple. Music, maestro, please.

Miss Piggy

Music?! [Uncle Deadly starts to dance. She turns to the camera in disbelief. Uncle Deadly's feet come dangerously close to her hands] What?! Hey, hey! Cool it up there!

Now to the Passionato del Thunderdoor, you give it an extra little flourish.

Miss Piggy

Watch it!

[to Uncle Deadly] Aha! You mean like this? [starts dancing as well]

Miss Piggy

Whoo-hoo, hee-ha, hold it! Easy! Down, boy! Hold it! Hoo, hey! Cool it!

Almost, almost. No, more like... [shows Wayne the dance again. Wayne joins in]

Miss Piggy

Hey! Hey! Hey, Deadly...Hey, wait, hey! [Wayne steps on her hands, causing her to lose her grip and fall off the cliff screaming. Uncle Deadly and Wayne congratulate each other on their dancing] I suppose you think that's funny!

Kermit

Now I'm stuck on you!

Miss Piggy

Oh, at last, my frog wants me! Oh, thank you! [notices he's literally stuck on her] Oh... Oh... Will you let... Will you - Get away from me! What is this?

: Good night!

So long!

[in unison] OH NO!

I mean, you know, Kermit, sometimes I don't know what space you are coming from.

Kermit

Well, it's just a regular backstage space.

It's about this next number - I would really rather not do it.

Kermit

What, you mean the number with the pigs dressed as pirates, and the chickens playing some bagpipes, and you dancing with a 7-foot door knob?

Hmm. It's just one cliche after another.

I liked that last number.

What did you like about it?

It was the LAST number!

Kermit

Boy, it wasn't spooky like this when Julie Andrews did the show!

[to Alice] You sir, are a freako!

Why, thank you!

[enters Alice's dressing room] Mr. Cooper.

[turns to face Sam with his heavy metal makeup on his face] Yes?

[horrified] Oh, good grief! Let me come right to the point. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty...freako!

[flattered] Why, thank you!

[ashamed of this reaction] Freakos: one, civilization: zero. [leaves Alice Cooper behind]

Kermit

Gonzo, I should never have let you talk me into doing the show from a railroad depot.

But it was the only place available! They were having a tournament at the bowling alley.

Liberace uses no chickens in his concert.

Oh, then maybe he'll see me.

He's only seeing birds.

I'm a bird. Yeah, I am a, I am a turkey.

You are not a real turkey.

Are you kidding? Have you seen my act?