The Muppet Show quotes

172 total quotes



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Cloris: All right then, I'll spell it out for you. You are a pig. P-I-G. You are not a frog. F-R-O-G. No, you are not a frog, and nothing that you say will ever convince me that you a frog. Nothing!
Kermit the Pig: Ribbit? Ribbit, rib-bit?
Cloris: Oh, Kermit, it is you!
Season 3 (1979-1980)

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Well, I'm just bubbly with excitement.

Dr. Teeth: Hey, hey, what's this bummer called again?
Floyd: Minuet in G Major.
Dr. Teeth: Uh, we'll send it back in to the minors.

First Mate Piggy: All right, that does it. I refuse to continue this sketch, did you hear me?
Capt. Link Hogthrob: Sketch? What sketch? This is the Swinetrek, we're lost in endless space!
Piggy: This is a cheap-shot comedy sketch, and I'll lay you odds the frog wrote it!

Floyd: Oh, no, you couldn't take Animal on any long road trips, Lou.
Lou: Why not, man? The cat is good.
Floyd: No, you couldn't get a long enough chain!

Fozzie: Kermit! Kermit! Oh, no... the next act just cancelled.
Kermit: What? But that was a terrific act! Prunella And Her Prancing Poultry.
Fozzie: Yeah. I know, yeah... Kermit, about that poultry, you see, yesterday...the duck hunting season began.

Gonzo: [to the cow] Wow, you have got a great pair of legs! In fact, she's got two great pairs of legs!

Gonzo: Could I help you out?
Berle: Please.
Gonzo: Which way did you came in?

Gonzo: Hey, Fozzie, what is on stage next?
Fozzie: I don't know, what's on stage now?
Gonzo: Nothing.
Fozzie: NOTHING'S ON STAGE?

Gonzo: Kermit, cancel my bread impersonation act! They didn't deliver my poppy seeds. You wouldn't want me to walk out there NAKED, would you?

Gonzo: Well, she's nothing like you at all. She is beautiful, and she's got this cute little nose... [sniffs] and she's intelligent... [sniffs] and talented...

J.P. [on the phone]: Yeah, well, sell the hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue, buy all your railroads, and don't forget the 200 dollars, and let him go straight to jail.

John Cleese: I'd be Long John Silverstine! Deadliest pirate of the seven seas!
Link: You can't be a pirate!
John: Of course I'm a pirate! I have a hat, a parrot and a hook. What else should I be? A management consultant?

Kermit: A tap-dancing chicken act? Gonzo, I've never heard of anything as ridiculous as a dancing chicken.
Gonzo: How about a talking frog?

Kermit: I can't tell you what a thrill it is to have you on this show.
Jaye P.: Oh, thank you, Kermit. Nice of you to say so. I'd like to say I'm really indifferent about being here.